Heartland

The researchers provided a league table of hazardous snacks. Henceforth, the favoured nibble of the health and safety department shall be the Jaffa Cake (and yes it is a biscuit, OK?) with a comforting Risk Rating of just 1.16, compared with the doubly dangerous Digestive at 3.14, going all the way up to the world's deadliest biscuit, the black mamba of the tea-break, the Great White Shark of elevenses: the Custard Cream, which scores a horror show Risk Rating of 5.64.

Don't say you weren't warned as you stagger into Casualty with 3rd-degree squashed-fly lacerations, ok?

i hate custard creams.

Dipping biccies in tea. The horror, the soggy horror...

abridged wrote:Dipping biccies in tea. The horror, the soggy horror...

I once "took tea" with the parents of a young lady with whom I was "walking out". Keen to make a good impression, and shatter their preconceptions about young men with long hair, earrings, and leather jackets I engaged in abstract conversation about politics, current events, and the arts, and had almost won them over when I dipped a Rich Tea in my tea (a fatal mistake) and left it immersed overlong while listening intently to what her old man was saying. Removing biscuit from the beverage it suffered structural failure, causing half of it to fall from about 6" into the teacup with a loud "sploosh!" and a subsequent tea-tsunami into the saucer. The mishap was not remarked upon but I was not invited to tea again...

Ah Rich Tea in Tea! Shudders...I think your former young lady's parents would've approved of me! Just what is the attraction of soggy biscuits? Anyone?

EvilBastard wrote:

abridged wrote:Dipping biccies in tea. The horror, the soggy horror...

I once "took tea" with the parents of a young lady with whom I was "walking out". Keen to make a good impression, and shatter their preconceptions about young men with long hair, earrings, and leather jackets I engaged in abstract conversation about politics, current events, and the arts, and had almost won them over when I dipped a Rich Tea in my tea (a fatal mistake) and left it immersed overlong while listening intently to what her old man was saying. Removing biscuit from the beverage it suffered structural failure, causing half of it to fall from about 6" into the teacup with a loud "sploosh!" and a subsequent tea-tsunami into the saucer. The mishap was not remarked upon but I was not invited to tea again...

So that was the only thing you managed to dip that night

did you end up with a Limp Bizcuit Bastard?

James Blast wrote:did you end up with a Limp Bizcuit Bastard?

Almost - the Limp Bizcuit was an interim step on the path to Soggy Bizcuit.

Jaffa cakes are NOT biscuits! They are called cakes and behave as cakes because they ARE cakes.
Let us have no more of this tomfoolery.

Gimp Bizkit

http://www.nicecupofteaandasitdown.com/ ... p3?item=48

It needs to be updated but it's still silly.

been there, seen that, NEXT!