Heartland

Only those with a keen eye would notice his 14-karat gold bishop's ring with purple amethyst, large diamonds, and hand-tooled mitre-crozier appliqué.

What a wankor.

I particularly liked "Mr. Of Arabia"

Ink-pisser.What's really awful is that a poorly written mish-mash like The Da Vinci Code sells zillions of copies and Dan Brown is lauded as an author in the media.

He needs a better editor.

For an author of novels, he makes a half-decent screenplay writer.

Oh wait, no he doesn't. The fillums of his books are sh!te. As are the books.

markfiend wrote:For an author of novels, he makes a half-decent screenplay writer.

Oh wait, no he doesn't. The fillums of his books are sh!te. As are the books.

Maybe they'd be better suited to the stage.

For an author of novels, he makes a half-decent lavatory attendant.

My ex read some phantasy-kitsch novel when I asked her what it was about.
That brief discussion ended with her reading some love scene aloud for me.
The original text must have been something like

Her golden hair framed her face, she appeared to be fulfilled, about to flow over.

Kitsch.
Funnily the German translation was

Ihr goldenes Haar umrahnte ihr Gesicht, sie wirkte voll, im Begriff überzulaufen.

..Okay. Not really wrong. Only, that just about every native German speaker will read that as

Her golden hair framed her face, she appeared to be pished as a newt, about to barf

Missus Ex was slightly miffed at the lauging attack I suffered for the next minutes.

who is this 'ex'?

The lass I split up with 13 years ago today.

Doh!
Silly me - I've spent all these years trying to write intelligently, coherently and without resorting to trite clichés.
Clearly, I need to up the "pish" factor and agents will come flocking.


I will concede one point to Mr Brown - he is of course correct about "erudite" appeal.

No-one ever went broke under-estimating the intelligence of the average person.