Heartland

taken from a twitter account: @Shitmydadsays

I'm 29. I live with my 73-year-old dad. He is awesome. I just write down s**t that he says

including such gems as:

"I wanted to see Detroit win. I've been there. It's like God took a s**t on a parking lot. They deserve some good news."

"We didn't have a prom. Dancing wasn't allowed...What's Footloose?...That's the plot of the movie? That sounds like a pile of s**t."

"Does anyone your age know how to comb their f**king hair? It looks like two squirrels crawled on their head and started f**king."

and my personal favourite:

"Sometimes life leaves a hundred dollar bill on your dresser, and you don't realize until later that it's because it f**ked you."

Oh sh*t that's funny!!!

Dads do come out with some classics - some of my faves from the late Mr. Bastard Snr.:

c1982: Compact disks? They'll never catch on. [reinforced 7 years later after spending some serious wonga on a Technics separate system - digital tuner, twin tape deck, turntable, and no CD player]

1972, 1973, 1974, 1975: you know they'll never come up with a better engine than the Wankel (rotary) engine. Nothing at all wrong with it [after returning the N-th NSU RO80 to the garage because it leaked oil like the Exxon Valdez and clouds of blue smoke would waft down the street in the morning when he started it, terrifying the neighbours].

1968: I don't care what that idiot Nader says - there's nothing wrong with the Corvair, the problem is with the a$$holes driving it.

My dad, née 1948:

"Son, you have become a real pussy, not coming to the Cradle of Filth gig with me!"

Dads are cool! At least mine is

IZ.