Heartland

I bought a car off Bonnie Tyler last year. It generally runs OK, but every now and then it falls apart.

It was so cold this morning I had to scrape the ice off my windscreen with my Homebase discount card. It wasn't much use though. I only got 10% off.

I said to the train driver "I want to go to Paris". He said "Eurostar?". I said "I was on telly once but I'm no Dean Martin".

So I rang up British Telecom, I said "I want to report a nuisance caller", he said "Not you again".

Four fonts walk into a bar. The barman says "Oi - get out! We don't want your type in here"

IZ.

I went on a once-in-a-lifetime holiday. Never again.

I went to sort out a loan for my new bakery the other day. Gave the bank manager the business plan, projections, everything, and he asked what sort of turnover I expected to make.

I told him "apple".


4 mushrooms walked into the same bar that the fonts had just been kicked out of. The barman said, "Push off, we don't want your sort in here."
"But why not?" the mushrooms asked. "We're fun guys!"

Man walks into a bar, shouts "Ooooyah baisturt!"
it was an iron bar