Heartland

1. Wait for the Apocalypse...Could inspire him after all these years of presumed complacent good livin'

2. Bribery... Obviously already the most common suggestion, but could use a rehaul. I suggest tapping Von's nostalgia vein and getting him seranaded at his balcony by any remaining living members of Pere Ubu. And Suicide. Everybody loves Suicide. Failing that, hiring Joanna Lumley to spring naked from a birthday cake. On his birthday, preferably

3. We all go on gig strike.... Again, it's been already mooted, but that was possibly some time before all the record shops and digital download markets had pretty much imploded, so more than ever it's likely it's our concert attendence that's keeping him in tequila, floozies and "Mr Smith" sunglasses. He'll either have to fold or go completely into the (cough) property market...

4. Abducting the Doktor... and demanding a ransom from the Sisters comprising of a new album (maybe not SSV 2 though. Much as the world is clamouring for it. Come on, admit it)... only problem might be that Avalanche might've gone "ethernet" on us, existing now as just a virtual artificial consciousness, yes?

5. Buying him out... He's always going on about how the Sisters aren't everything to him these days and how we all need to get out (or in) more, so let's put our money where his mouth is and buy the name, the look, the sound, and hire a third rate impersonator (not you, Star Industry) to start knocking out some up-to-date material and answerable only to our Sistatorship. It may not be the Real Thing, but it's either that or getting to hear the current line-up doing, what - Hank Marvin covers next?

You had better register "Sistatorship" before somebody puts out an album bearing that name

I'm not sure abducting the Doktor is really a feasible option. Certainly not *stealthy*...

Besides, sans Doktor all you'll get is SSV with guitars. Great for some, but not for most I'd imagine. Or they could go the Neubauten route and bang on various objects for percussion, but that's not really the same.

Cats.

You need lots of cats, say about a truckload of them would be a good way to start. Then you need to get his address, or the address of somewhere where he'll be able to get them.

Then you deliver the cats.
And then you wait.

mh wrote:Cats.

You need lots of cats, say about a truckload of them would be a good way to start. Then you need to get his address, or the address of somewhere where he'll be able to get them.

Then you deliver the cats.
And then you wait.

I know where to find about 300. By the time they get to Leeds they'll be furious.

Wrong way round! You need to take the cats and apply a length of wood (there's nothing like a good piece of hickory) to each one and repeat as required.

mh wrote:Cats.

You need lots of cats, say about a truckload of them would be a good way to start. Then you need to get his address, or the address of somewhere where he'll be able to get them.

Then you deliver the cats.
And then you wait.

I like where you're going with this... perhaps this can incorporate a prop-pole style trap. Someone can lie in wait around the corner holding the end of the wire - as soon as Von makes a grab for the moggies, an entire doorless studio can fall on him, entombing him until such a time as crushing boredom forces him at last to reach for the mixing desk... only problem, the company of the cats could keep him adequately entertained in there for years... YEARS.

Machine Regime wrote:

mh wrote:Cats.

You need lots of cats, say about a truckload of them would be a good way to start. Then you need to get his address, or the address of somewhere where he'll be able to get them.

Then you deliver the cats.
And then you wait.

I like where you're going with this... perhaps this can incorporate a prop-pole style trap. Someone can lie in wait around the corner holding the end of the wire - as soon as Von makes a grab for the moggies, an entire doorless studio can fall on him, entombing him until such a time as crushing boredom forces him at last to reach for the mixing desk... only problem, the company of the cats could keep him adequately entertained in there for years... YEARS.

Or we'd end up with an entire album singing the praises of cats.

As long as it's stuffed to the gills with substance and wit, I'm a happy camper

I got the perfect answer.

chocolate hob nob's, if he's anything like me, he do anything for a dunked 'oh yes its gotta be dunked' chocolate hobnob.

6. Blow Him - what guy wouldn't want a good bj. Hell I have handed out credit cards to chicks who did a good job.

Machine Regime wrote: It may not be the Real Thing, but it's either that or getting to hear the current line-up doing, what - Hank Marvin covers next?

Down that path lies the Sister of Murphy.... and I think Pipeline may be the Hank Marvin fix you needed

I'm not sure you could fill an entire album with songs about cats.

I've sung impromptu little ditties about cats.
"Cleaning up your pewpie....eeew its all runny"~ (This one was when I was cleaning up after the 300)
and
"Whatya doing fluffybuuum?" with variations of fluffybum to under my bed, with my curtains, with that pen etcetc.

Or, one of us wins the Euromillions and starts negotiations...

Purple Light wrote:Or, one of us wins the Euromillions and starts negotiations...

Have been joking for a few years about this myself!

Then we would really find out if it's about the money or not.

We need to form a band with a name similar but not identical to the Sisters of Mercy. Then wait for the high court injunction, years of pointless legal wrangling and name-calling and then the inevitable race to see who gets a record out first. About cats. And sex and drugs and politics. But mostly cats.

stufarq wrote:We need to form a band with a name similar but not identical to the Sisters of Mercy. Then wait for the high court injunction, years of pointless legal wrangling and name-calling and then the inevitable race to see who gets a record out first. ...

Best suggestion so far

do you really want another SSV?

edit - eh?

ignore me, i'm drunk. a bit.

Sita wrote:

stufarq wrote:We need to form a band with a name similar but not identical to the Sisters of Mercy. Then wait for the high court injunction, years of pointless legal wrangling and name-calling and then the inevitable race to see who gets a record out first. ...

Best suggestion so far

Yet that would be so obviously pre-arranged to benefit both bands! It would never work!

Vision wrote:

Machine Regime wrote:

mh wrote:Cats.

You need lots of cats, say about a truckload of them would be a good way to start. Then you need to get his address, or the address of somewhere where he'll be able to get them.

Then you deliver the cats.
And then you wait.

I like where you're going with this... perhaps this can incorporate a prop-pole style trap. Someone can lie in wait around the corner holding the end of the wire - as soon as Von makes a grab for the moggies, an entire doorless studio can fall on him, entombing him until such a time as crushing boredom forces him at last to reach for the mixing desk... only problem, the company of the cats could keep him adequately entertained in there for years... YEARS.

Or we'd end up with an entire album singing the praises of cats.

The Sisters of Meowy.

Syberberg wrote:

Vision wrote:

Machine Regime wrote: I like where you're going with this... perhaps this can incorporate a prop-pole style trap. Someone can lie in wait around the corner holding the end of the wire - as soon as Von makes a grab for the moggies, an entire doorless studio can fall on him, entombing him until such a time as crushing boredom forces him at last to reach for the mixing desk... only problem, the company of the cats could keep him adequately entertained in there for years... YEARS.

Or we'd end up with an entire album singing the praises of cats.

The Sisters of Meowy.

I like this.

I have a bass guitar, can I be in the band?
actually thinking about it I bet you will want a machine to play for you! and Im not a fan of cats either, only the love cats.

well, i'l shut the door on my way out....bye.........

S.O.D. wrote:I have a bass guitar, can I be in the band?

Naaah, sorry - they tried that once. Didn't work out so well - turns out the bass player had a pie-and-donut fixation, couldn't play, and spent all her time cutting the fingers off her gloves and back-combing.

EvilBastard wrote:

S.O.D. wrote:I have a bass guitar, can I be in the band?

Naaah, sorry - they tried that once. Didn't work out so well - turns out the bass player had a pie-and-donut fixation, couldn't play, and spent all her time cutting the fingers off her gloves and back-combing.

Such terrible things to say about Craig, what did he ever do wrong on you?