Heartland

is a relatively small thing but here,along with other forums and such seemed a good place to ask-
what we(me and small handfull of "responsible"mums)have been discussing is the segregation aspect of being a parent whilst also being a member of alternative communiites,whether that be goth or something like it perhaps.with ref to us sspoe this would mainly come under the goth umbrella.
since theres a very high percentage of people old enough to have kids here it stands to reason will be some who do have kids(and jobs ,and all the trappings of typical life).
because where i am,we are few and far between,and seemingly also a minority within the minority of the alt scene support and empathy is hard to come by.which can in itself be isolating.im sure everyone here has had some experience of the label/persona slapped on you simply because yuou prefer to wear black,listen to particular tunes etc,and when you have kids its extra hard.
anyway,just wondering if was anybody here with experience/insight etc?

No, but i think your kids are damn lucky to have a mum like you

(I can understand what you are talking about though; Being "different" in a society that thrives on being like everybody else, will raise an eyebrow!
And that is the latters fault, for the lack of knowledge!)

I agree, your kids are very lucky. They get to grow up with an alternative life style. They will, in my oppinion, learn more about life and how to treat people with respect. They wont get stuck in a mainstream world, where it is not allowed to dream and be different. They will probably learn how to express them self through other things than most people.

If the day comes when i get kids of my own. I will try my best to raise them in an alternative life style. Teach them it is allowed to dream, and so on. Apreciate music and have a mind of their own. If they choose to go another way, I will let them.

So dont you worry about what the "normal" people say. Let your kids grow up with a mind of their own. I am sure you are doing a good job

[quote="Lynchfanatic"]

If the day comes when i get kids of my own. I will try my best to raise them in an alternative life style. Teach them it is allowed to dream, and so on. Apreciate music and have a mind of their own. If they choose to go another way, I will let them. quote]

@ LF

how can they have a mind of their own, if you are leading them by the hand through life

I'm trying very hard to let my daughter be who she wants to be.

Encouragement, nature and nurture..........No more than that.......

And be there to pick them up again, and again, and again when their choice backfires.....oh it really doesn't get any eaiser. Just FAR more expensive and angsty.

My eldest lurches from one mis-calculated judgment to the next...it's really hard NOT to interfere when you KNOW what will happen....

Debaser

:)hey thanx for the responses.ive been amum for over 8years now,and the sense of remoteness/exclusion/isolation can be suffocating at times.geography means the few i do know in same positions cannot be reached for face to face whinge fests(lol).

its so dishearteneing to find so much fear and prejudice in the world still.none of which should ever be directed at kids but because of the prejudices/ignorance or just plain hate of others it can be that your children do become victim to it as well.
last example i had was eldest sons birthday party.arranged to have at local burger place.sent out invites with loads of time to spare,got the odd one back saying couldnt make it,the rest got no response either way.figured meant nothing at all-would say if couldnt make it.end result,my 8year old son snubed on his birthday party.was in totla me,him,his cousin(and mum),and my cousin with his baby too in a huge room sectioned off for us,with two party reps there,a big table set for these kids who were supposed to turn up..you get the picture.

left wondering if whats best is i stop being me,in order to ease my kids thru their school life.is things like this and worse which can really only hit you when you do have kids.
i have toned down somewhat from what i was in my youth,but the flowery dress,parent governor thing isnt me either.i can no more stop being such a fundamental pert of who i am,than i can change the colour of my skin from white,to green.

i even moved areas to somewhere i felt would be more tollerant,but sadly thats getting worse now too.so once again im taking us all off to pasteurs new,another part of the country where i believe we can be left in peace(Whitby,uk,if any of you know it.home of the whitby goth fest etc.people used to seeing weird and wonderfull costumes etc so think i will look relatively bland compared to most).

just wondered really if beside the few i know going thru similar stuff in the uk,there were other families who had experience of this kind of thing and what they had done here.

umm,wasnt meaning to turn thread into downer.oopsie

cf above, your welcome; clearly you have a lot of difficulties. As long as you teach you children some kind of decency they'll get along well whatever lifestyle you have. Certainly they'll be more open minded than their classmates. Children are very stoical; more so than adults, really. Please make sure that you take time to do things that you want to do, and to relax.

Welcome
I admit such problems exist.
I hope my daughter hasn't experienced something like that but I can't be so sure. Because of me, not because of her mother.
But there are also another problem in connection with "alternative" or "bohemian" or... these are only labels but you know what kind of people I mean.
Me and my wife have friends, a couple of poets. Nice people and the man is one of the best poets, most interesting literary critics and translators (from Blake to Žižek) in Estonia now. And so on.
But I really dislike the attitude of this woman about bringing up children, at least in one point -- she has told us that their daughter listened to the same music and was interested in the same "mean" things as her classmates. Until she (the woman) made her to listen to the "right things" etc.
I remember my teenage years when I was interested in heavy and alternative music, subcultural life, had very "suspicious" friends etc. I had many problems in school because of it and some quarrels at home. I reckon some teachers were really mean and my family could be a little bit more open-minded. But I think, as parents nor pedagogues have no right to dictate their "average" lifestyle they also have no right to do the same about "alternative" lifestyle.
I think young people have to have right to develope in their own way. In certain age it's very important what your mates think about you. Children are quite cruel about different people. OK, in one moment most of children want to be very different themselves but it's wrong to meddle in these changes.
Sorry, I didn't want to say you have done anything wrong, your story just reminded me something I don't like.

pikkrong wrote:Welcome
I admit such problems exist.
I hope my daughter hasn't experienced something like that but I can't be so sure. Because of me, not because of her mother.
But there are also another problem in connection with "alternative" or "bohemian" or... these are only labels but you know what kind of people I mean.
Me and my wife have friends, a couple of poets. Nice people and the man is one of the best poets, most interesting literary critics and translators (from Blake to Žižek) in Estonia now. And so on.
But I really dislike the attitude of this woman about bringing up children, at least in one point -- she has told us that their daughter listened to the same music and was interested in the same "mean" things as her classmates. Until she (the woman) made her to listen to the "right things" etc.
I remember my teenage years when I was interested in heavy and alternative music, subcultural life, had very "suspicious" friends etc. I had many problems in school because of it and some quarrels at home. I reckon some teachers were really mean and my family could be a little bit more open-minded. But I think, as parents nor pedagogues have no right to dictate their "average" lifestyle they also have no right to do the same about "alternative" lifestyle.
I think young people have to have right to develope in their own way. In certain age it's very important what your mates think about you. Children are quite cruel about different people. OK, in one moment most of children want to be very different themselves but it's wrong to meddle in these changes.
Sorry, I didn't want to say you have done anything wrong, your story just reminded me something I don't like.

perfectly put!

thanks
pikkrong (best lectures in bad English )

no offence taken at all.