15-07-03 Sexist Git!!
Posted: 15 Jul 2003, 16:02
Q: Why are women like hurricanes?
A: Because when they leave they take half of the house with them!
Doh!
A: Because when they leave they take half of the house with them!
Doh!
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Posted: 15 Jul 2003, 16:04
and there's a lot of blowing to start off with.
Posted: 15 Jul 2003, 16:08
lol 
In case you haven't heard it yet...
Posted: 15 Jul 2003, 21:49
A shepherd was herding his flock in a remote pasture when suddenly a
brand-new BMW advanced out of a dust cloud towards him. The
driver, a young man in a Broni suit, Gucci shoes, Ray Ban sunglasses and
YSL
tie, leans out the window and asks the shepherd, "If I tell you exactly how
many sheep you have in your flock, will you let me take one?"
The shepherd looks at the obvious yuppie, then looks at his
peacefully grazing flock and calmly answers, "Sure. Why not?"
The yuppie parks his car, whips out his Dell notebook computer,
connects it to his AT&T cell phone, surfs to a NASA page on the internet,
where he calls up a GPS satellite navigation system to get an exact fix on
his location which he then feeds to another NASA satellite that scans the
area in an ultra-high-resolution photo. They young man then opens the
digital
photo in Adobe Photoshop and exports it to an image processing facility
in Hamburg, Germany. Within seconds, he receives an email on his Palm
Pilot that the image has been processed and the data stored. He then
accesses
a MS-SQL database through an ODBC connected Excel spreadsheet with
hundreds of complex formulas. He uploads all of this data via an email on
his Blackberry and, after a few minutes, receives a response.
Finally, he prints out a full-color, 150-page report on his hi-tech,
miniaturized HP LaserJet printer and finally turns to the shepherd
and says, "You have exactly 1586 sheep."
"That's right. Well, I guess you can take one of my sheep."
says the shepherd. He watches the young man select one of the animals
and looks on amused as the young man stuffs it into the trunk of his car.
Then the shepherd says to the young man, "Hey, if I can tell
you exactly what your business is, will you give me back my sheep?"
The young man thinks about it for a second and then says, "Okay, why not?"
"You're an IT consultant." says the shepherd.
"Wow! That's correct," says the yuppie, "but how did you guess that?"
"No guessing required." answered the shepherd. "You showed up
here even though nobody called you; you want to get paid for an answer I
already knew; to a question I never asked; and you don't know crap
about my business"
"Now give me back my dog."
brand-new BMW advanced out of a dust cloud towards him. The
driver, a young man in a Broni suit, Gucci shoes, Ray Ban sunglasses and
YSL
tie, leans out the window and asks the shepherd, "If I tell you exactly how
many sheep you have in your flock, will you let me take one?"
The shepherd looks at the obvious yuppie, then looks at his
peacefully grazing flock and calmly answers, "Sure. Why not?"
The yuppie parks his car, whips out his Dell notebook computer,
connects it to his AT&T cell phone, surfs to a NASA page on the internet,
where he calls up a GPS satellite navigation system to get an exact fix on
his location which he then feeds to another NASA satellite that scans the
area in an ultra-high-resolution photo. They young man then opens the
digital
photo in Adobe Photoshop and exports it to an image processing facility
in Hamburg, Germany. Within seconds, he receives an email on his Palm
Pilot that the image has been processed and the data stored. He then
accesses
a MS-SQL database through an ODBC connected Excel spreadsheet with
hundreds of complex formulas. He uploads all of this data via an email on
his Blackberry and, after a few minutes, receives a response.
Finally, he prints out a full-color, 150-page report on his hi-tech,
miniaturized HP LaserJet printer and finally turns to the shepherd
and says, "You have exactly 1586 sheep."
"That's right. Well, I guess you can take one of my sheep."
says the shepherd. He watches the young man select one of the animals
and looks on amused as the young man stuffs it into the trunk of his car.
Then the shepherd says to the young man, "Hey, if I can tell
you exactly what your business is, will you give me back my sheep?"
The young man thinks about it for a second and then says, "Okay, why not?"
"You're an IT consultant." says the shepherd.
"Wow! That's correct," says the yuppie, "but how did you guess that?"
"No guessing required." answered the shepherd. "You showed up
here even though nobody called you; you want to get paid for an answer I
already knew; to a question I never asked; and you don't know crap
about my business"
"Now give me back my dog."
Posted: 15 Jul 2003, 22:12
As an IT Manager I find this really really amusing.
No I dont consult IT cosultants, nor have I ever been one!
Incidentally
A: Why are Managers like nappies.
B: Because they always hang around your arse and are full of s***!!