Heartland

I was working as a cocktease in a Waitrose store...

Very clever.

I know it's not quite the same but for "We Didn't Start the Fire" by Billy Joel we always used to sing:

We didn't start the fire,
It was a bunch of bastards
With a box of matches...

Meet my mother
The beer tent's full

100 Years, The Cure

As Jasper Carrott pointed out, Beelzebub has a devil for a sideboard.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=eRk9ugM_tDY

IZ.

Friend of mine use to replace 'Girls on Film' with 'Balls on Chin'.
Funny thing is it works better

Not quite the same again but as a kid I used to hear "this is the voice of the crap in your hands" instead of "this is the Floorshow for clapping your hands."

On that note, I used to think the line in The Smiths' "Bigmouth Strikes Again" where he sings "Sweetness I was only joking when I said I'd like to smash every tooth in your head" was in fact "Sweetness I was only joking when I said I'd like to mash a beetroot in your hair"

I really thought the Sisters were my kinda band when I heard them sing "Our destination... to the bar!"

Turned out the lyrics were quite something else.

But kept on loving their choons anyway

IZ.