Heartland

Nearly 14 days in and he doesn't want us to visit any more. Who should we be talking to?

I'm not sure that there are any specific provisions regarding visiting rights. If you're the designated Nearest Relative then you'll have certain legal rights but if the person has requested not to be visited I'd imagine that the request has to be respected. I don't know though. You might want to try some of the Useful Contacts at the bottom of this page:

http://www.mind.org.uk/mental_health_a- ... health_act

Thanks stufarq. Understand about the Nearest Relative. Just not sure whether I should push or hang back.

If you've been either side of this situation, all advice wellcome. Feel free to PM. Confidentiality assured. Just want to know how best to help my son get well.

I wish I could help you with that, Francis, but all I see what you could do is try to understand his interests - and protect them if necessary.
And never have yourself incited to talk more about him than you talk with him, if that should be possible ...

Thanks for your reply Being645. I know how important it is to keep his confidence. That's why I can't talk to friends and family and have come here for help. May be not a good idea. Just hurts so much when I hear his Mum weeping.

Step back a bit.

It is entirely possible that he does not want a visit because it will disrupt his recovery.

Recovery can mean that the person has to say "no" whilst they try to get a sense of perspective or distance from their problems - in order to reflect upon them. It can appear as a selfish disregard, but it may be an essential step in their recovery.

It is not easy for you, and I hope the situation gets better for everyone involved - keep the lines of communication open - but it is possible that he does not want to communicate because he is not yet ready or able to do so.

I'm sure you may get better advice for your specific situation elsewhere, but communication may not be possible right now and it may be for the better.

Thank you sandy666 for your reply. I know he needs some space. It's just very hard to let go. I've been a life long labour voter but they've really let his generation down who didn't want to go to University.

Those that went to University are not having much fun either - they've paid huge sums of money for their education and now they are being asked to work for free with no guarantee of a job at the end of it. Britain is not a great place to be for young people at the moment to its shame.

It might be worthwhile travelling abroad. Australia issues temporary work Visas for young people to go over there and work for a year or two. You won't get rich, but it is a great opportunity to travel, do stuff and build self-esteem and have fun.

I went abroad during the Tory recession in the 90's for two years and thoroughly enjoyed it. Alternatively take a look at the FE Colleges. (I work at one). Where we are chefs and hairdressers/barbers seem to be doing better than most.

Hear hear. My sister took a long holiday in Australia about two years ago - and she simply never came back. Constant stream of ongoing work visas and she loves it.

Sympathies to your young man, Francis. Had no idea about this, but I've been in fixes before. Recommend distance as well, but make it clear that you'll be there when needed.

Luck and all that.

I don't know what I can do to help Francis but if you need a friend, feel free to get in touch.

Francis wrote:Thanks stufarq. Understand about the Nearest Relative. Just not sure whether I should push or hang back.

Very much depends oin the specific situation. sandy666 may be absoulutely right but it's also possible that leaving your son alone as he's requested could isolate him and make things worse. None of us here is really in a position to make a useful judgement on that. Ask the doctors what they think and use your own knowledge of your son to help you decide. Is he the sort of person who reacts badly to people trying to help when he's said not to or does he back down and admit that he really did want help but was embarrassed to ask? Does he have the sort of relationship with you where every argument becomes huge and lasts for ages or is it all hugs and talking things over? You don't have to answer those questions here, just think about those sorts of things and bear in mind that they may be affected differently by his diagnosis, so get as much info from the doctors as you can.

There's no right or wrong answer. Everyone just does the best they can.

Thankyou all for your kind words. It's getting better all the time.

Good. Sometimes rain and thunder are necessary to make things develop to the better ... ...

markfiend wrote:I don't know what I can do to help Francis but if you need a friend, feel free to get in touch.

wot he said. all love your way, bro.