Heartland

Hmm... IGM trounced again in GW15 by the Fat Bobsters. As they say 'round these parts: Das is nicht gut...

Some of yous are treading water. Some of yous are even prioritising reality over fantasy. Some of yous are playing your last IGM season. That's a promise, not a threat. There is a waiting-list.

So, whilst EIB all huddled together in a disused container (Shed? My arse!) on a derelict, river bank site in Hungary, sharing
a spoonful each from a Pot Noodle, IGM were taking positive action.

Johnny took a limo from his winter home in Antibes, whilst Graham cut short his business meeting in Zurich and flew in on
his...



... never trust a Quill, Steve. Pencils don't cut it. A pen is mightier than a sword. A pen is a drive. A pen is a belief that ever since I was a pre-adolescent I have been fascinated by the essential unreality of the universe. What starts out as triumph soon becomes corroded into a hegemony of lust, leaving only a sense of chaos and the unlikelihood of a new reality. Don't you agree?

So it had to stop.

We met at Cafe Milano, one of my most favourite Antibes restuarants. Mav scoffed at my choice, as he's more cultured than me, as he's from Liverpool. Whether he likes it, or not.

We had a delightful dinner, and over cognac and cigars we formulated our GW16 game plan.

Graham: "... so what do we do?"
Johnny: " What we always do..."
Graham: "Invade their PM boxes on HL? Try to gee them up? We've tried that, and quite frankly, it didn't work."
(Pause)
(Johnny stares at Graham)
Graham: "No! Are you sure..?"
(Pause)
Johnny (holding up his palm): "As your Head Coach, I encourage everyone from time to time, and always in a respectful manner, to question my logic. If you're unconvinced that a particular plan of action I've decided is the wisest, tell me so, but allow me to convince you and I promise you right here and now, no subject will ever be taboo. Except the price you pay for bringing up either my Chelski or German heritage as a negative is... I delete you from the team."
(Pause)
Johnny: "Now, if any of you sons of bitches got anything else to say, now's the fucking time!"
(Pause)
Johnny: "I didn't think so."
(Longer pause)
Graham: "Are you really sure?"
Johnny: "Yes. He's been our talisman all season to date. We need him."
(Even longer pause)
Johnny: "Bring out the Lee."
Graham: Lee's sleeping.
Johnny: "Well, I guess you're gonna have to go wake him up now, won't you?"

The pencil stems from the former stage manager in me
In other news...Lee sleeps?

Pista wrote:In other news...Lee sleeps?

Once every Leap Year. Allegedly.

I think some of our managers don't even read this forum anymore. Which is a shame.....

pandas. cute aren't they? look just like cuddly toys dont they? with their fluffy two-tone fur, and the way they eat with their paws and their forgot-to-take-their-make-up-off black-circled eyes...aww, wuvvly cutie-pandas, arent pandas cute? dont you think?
well i don't. theres nothing cute about being a bad joke. in my opinion they're an utterly useless, pointless, waste of fucking time; an evolutionary disaster that sees the magnificent, powerful bear, with its jaws like steel-traps, and deft, razor-sharp claws, reduced to a dribbling shuffling parody of itself. carnivorous predators who have forgotten the sheer delight of tearing apart the prey that they caught so easily and ripping it to delicious bits to devour amongst themselves. so lost and distant are they from their truly awesome past, these ridiculous creatrures cant even be bothered to mate. cant be bothered to have sex. a pathetic embarrassment.

my analogous point, if you haven't already worked it out, is: last season we were mighty Bears. this year we're the moronic, reduntant, cant-be-bothered-to-do-what-comes-naturally, squeaky little Sue-off-the-Sooty-Show-voiced Pandas, devoid of self-respect and integrity. the only difference is:

WE ARE GETTING f**ked!!!

sort it out you cunts.

this broadcast was brought to you by the "i hate losing to the cure-heads nearly as much as i hate being woken up" branch of the worldwide fund for nature (eastmids).

Pandas are the only animal I know of that just look like humans dressed as pandas

eastmidswhizzkid wrote:pandas. cute aren't they? look just like cuddly toys dont they? with their fluffy two-tone fur, and the way they eat with their paws and their forgot-to-take-their-make-up-off black-circled eyes...aww, wuvvly cutie-pandas, arent pandas cute? dont you think?
well i don't. theres nothing cute about being a bad joke. in my opinion they're an utterly useless, pointless, waste of fucking time; an evolutionary disaster that sees the magnificent, powerful bear, with its jaws like steel-traps, and deft, razor-sharp claws, reduced to a dribbling shuffling parody of itself. carnivorous predators who have forgotten the sheer delight of tearing apart the prey that they caught so easily and ripping it to delicious bits to devour amongst themselves. so lost and distant are they from their truly awesome past, these ridiculous creatrures cant even be bothered to mate. cant be bothered to have sex. a pathetic embarrassment.

I read up to this point and I was sure you were referring to our EIB opponents.....

Mav787 wrote:
I read up to this point and I was sure you were referring to our EIB opponents.....

Whatever could you mean?

Mav787 wrote:

eastmidswhizzkid wrote:pandas. cute aren't they? look just like cuddly toys dont they? with their fluffy two-tone fur, and the way they eat with their paws and their forgot-to-take-their-make-up-off black-circled eyes...aww, wuvvly cutie-pandas, arent pandas cute? dont you think?
well i don't. theres nothing cute about being a bad joke. in my opinion they're an utterly useless, pointless, waste of fucking time; an evolutionary disaster that sees the magnificent, powerful bear, with its jaws like steel-traps, and deft, razor-sharp claws, reduced to a dribbling shuffling parody of itself. carnivorous predators who have forgotten the sheer delight of tearing apart the prey that they caught so easily and ripping it to delicious bits to devour amongst themselves. so lost and distant are they from their truly awesome past, these ridiculous creatrures cant even be bothered to mate. cant be bothered to have sex. a pathetic embarrassment.

I read up to this point and I was sure you were referring to our EIB opponents.....

thats a handy ambiguity, as i'm sure most of our "team" wont have read much further, if they bothered reading it at all. but if any of our half-a-job Henrys (i'd say "and Henriettas" but our Miss Strange is a stalwart) are motivated by believing that i'm dissing the opposition then fair enough; however i went for the big stick of shame approach as the fault really has to lie with us, and i couldnt be arsed to "pander" to them...BOOM! BOOM!.

Igloo!

Get in!

I see Prince Harry's on the bench then. That'll upset a few folks.

Pista wrote:Igloo!

Get in!

I see Prince Harry's on the bench then. That'll upset a few folks.

And Kolarov

Yep. I wasn't too pleased with that either.
Thanks the stars I never gave him the Alice band.

I'm watching the Barca game (the muppets at the pub are watching water polo ) & Messi scored at exactly the same time as Cabaye did for Palace

We're trying our best. It's only a game.

Seriously calm down and play nice. And no passing notes at the back of the class.

Uh oh. It's the boss. Look busy

Good grief!
Anyone see that Stanislas goal?

I hate fast food but I've a Big King Ten coming off my bench.

Kind of pleased with my lot. 41points with 5 still to play

markfiend wrote:We're trying our best. It's only a game.

We know.

markfiend wrote: Seriously calm down and play nice. And no passing notes at the back of the class.

When it comes to Mod red writing, on a banter thread, someone has lost the plot.

It's not banter when it's genuinely upsetting people. Fu-cking stop it John.

Really? Then FUCK YOU and the sensitive horse you rode on in.

Grow a pair and realise, strangely, that life does not revolve around you.

markfiend wrote:It's not banter when it's genuinely upsetting people. Fu-cking stop it John.

may i ask who is genuinely upset?? no scratch that, its not important who -Mark are you saying there has actually been a complaint made to admin/moderation from someone who is genuinely upset??

because everyone here is old enough to know "sticks and stones" etc. and should perhaps get a grip and toughen up a bit.... and this isn't at all malicious, is it? it is a game and one where valued snowflakes are regularly carppetted by their managemant, and take it like grown-ups.

perhaps the upset person or persons unknown should stick to games like snakes and ladders....or perhaps just ladders so they dont get upset by the nasty snakes.

Johnny Rev 7.0 wrote:Really? Then FUCK YOU and the sensitive horse you rode on in.

Grow a pair and realise, strangely, that life does not revolve around you.

It's s**t like this that makes it really hard for me to believe you when you say that you're trying to be a friend.

And yes, someone else is genuinely upset. Funnily enough, people don't tend to be too keen on speaking up about bullying in open forum if they think they will just get shouted down by the bully.

i'm sorry but how can it be bullying ? by definition bullying is:

"use superior strength or influence to intimidate (someone), typically to force them to do something."

nobody is forcing anyone to do anything. the choice to play or not is one freely given, as is the right to do so how ever one sees fit. no one-person is being singled out for criticism, no group of people is being singled out from amongst the team. and theres the thing, we are playing this as a team game. if being part of a team doesnt involve motivating other team members to acheive the team's common goal than its not really a team; and if team members dont desire the common goals of the team then perhaps they shouldnt be in the team. to suggest otherwise, and to denounce motivation as bullying, is the worst kind of political correctness.

can i say as well please that no HLer should feel they havent got a right of reply in open forum. surely that should be the first thing to try before complaining to moderation. its hardly a large group of 11, its not like we dont know who we all are.