Heartland

This one made me feel warm and fuzzy:


This is an actual letter of resignation from an employee at Zantex
Computers, USA, to his boss. His boss apparently resigned very
soon
afterwards!


Dear Mr Baker,

As an employee of an institution of higher education, I have a few
very basic expectations. Chief among these is that my direct
superiors
have an intellect that ranges above the common ground squirrel.
After
your consistent and annoying harassment of my co-workers and
myself
during the commission of our duties, I can only surmise that you are
one of the few true genetic wastes of our time. Asking me, a network
administrator, to explain every little nuance of everything I do each time
you happen to stroll into my office is not only a waste of time, but also
a waste of precious oxygen. I was hired because I know how to network
computer systems, and you were apparently hired to provide amusement to
myself and other employees, who watch you vainly attempt to understand the
concept of "cut and paste" for the hundredth time.


You will never understand computers. Something as incredibly simple
as
binary still gives you too many options. You will also never
understand why people hate you, but I am going to try and explain it
to you, even though I am sure this will be just as effective as
telling you what an IP is. Your shiny new iMac has more personality
than you ever will. You walk around the building all day, shiftlessly
looking for fault in others. You have a sharp dressed useless look about
you that may have worked for your interview, but now that you actually
have responsibility, you pawn it off on overworked staff, hoping their
talent will cover for your glaring ineptitude. In a world of managerial
evolution, you are the blue-green algae that everyone else eats and laughs
at. Managers like you are a sad proof of the Dilbert principle. Seeing as
this situation is unlikely to change without you getting a full frontal
lobotomy reversal, I am forced to tender my resignation; however I have a
few parting thoughts.


1. When someone calls you in reference to employment, it is illegal to
give me a bad recommendation. The most you can say to hurt me is "I prefer
not to comment." I will have friends randomly call you over the next
couple of years to keep you honest, because I know you would be unable to
do it on your own.


2. I have all the passwords to every account on the system, and I
know
every password you have used for the last five years. If you decide to get
cute, I am going to publish your "favourites list", which I conveniently
saved when you made me "back up" your useless files. I do believe that
terms like "Lolita" are not usually viewed favourably by the
administration.


3. When you borrowed the digital camera to "take pictures of your
mothers b-day", you neglected to mention that you were going to take
pictures of yourself in the mirror nude. Then you forgot to erase them
like the techno-moron you really are. Suffice it to say I have never seen
such odd acts with a ketchup bottle, but I assure you that those have been
copied and kept in safe places pending the authoring of a glowing letter
of recommendation. (Try to use a spell check please. I hate having to
correct your mistakes.)


Thank you for your time, and I expect the letter of recommendation
on
my desk by 8:00 am tomorrow. One word of this to anybody, and all
of
your little twisted repugnant obsessions will be open to the public.
Never f*** with your systems administrator. Why? Because they know
what you do with all that free time!


Sincerely


Darryl Brewer

HA HA HA HA HA 'cough' HA HA HA HA HA

I found a new hero

And another one for your amusement

A young monk arrives at the monastery. He is assigned to help the other monks in copying the old canons and laws of the church by hand. He notices, however, that all of the monks are copying from copies, not from the original manuscript. So, the new monk goes to the abbot to question this, pointing out that if someone made even a small error in the first copy, it would never be picked up. In fact, that error would be continued in all of the subsequent copies.

The Abbot says, "We have been copying from the copies for centuries, but you make a good point, my son." So, he goes down into the dark caves underneath the monastery where the original manuscript is held in a locked vault that hasn't been opened for hundreds of years.

Hours go by and nobody sees the old abbot. Eventually the young monk gets worried and goes downstairs to look for him. He sees him banging his head against the wall. His forehead is all bloody and bruised and he is crying uncontrollably. The young monk asks the old abbot, "What's wrong, father?"
In a choking voice, the old abbot replies, "The word is celebrate, not celibate!"

@ Hal - LOL

@ Ziggy - not Izzy - An Oldie But A Goodie (Sorry Mate)

AndyTheGoth wrote:@ Hal - LOL

@ Izzy - An Oldie But A Goodie

That should be 'Ziggy'

Nice ones. Thanx. Made my day

Hal, a classic!

wish that someday I could send that letter

regards
James Blast