Heartland

emilystrange wrote: ↑14 Aug 2022, 11:50 Jesus will be arse 's Aguero.

Has everyone stopped laughing at Manc Untidy yet?
Then I shall begin… *stifled giggles*…
Getting us up & running, Neverton paid a visit to Villa Park with both teams waiting for their first points of the season.
Lampstand’s time wasters found themselves 1 down at the break as they still insist on playing without a recognised striker because….who needs goals right Frank?
Villa doubled their lead on 86 minutes &, at that moment, the Toffees appeared to wake up. However they needed the hosts to score their goal for them and wound up on the end of another defeat.
Arsenal look like they really mean business this season and Gabriel Jesus is finally getting game time as a dedicated striker & boy does that make a difference?
Opening with a sublime lob he added a second 12 minutes later after Vardy set him up on the far post & could have had a third thanks to some terrible defending.
Saliba gave the Foxes a lifeline, nodding into his own net but the Gunners surged forward & Xhaka thumped in a 3rd. Maddison pulled another back but Martinelli only took a minute to re-assert the 2 goal cushion.
The south coast scum & Bonesaw UTD played out a yawnfest of a draw. As did Wolves & Fulham as last week’s hero, Mitrovic, missed a penalty & got booked, amassing -1 point. Unless he was your captain, in which case -2.
Leeds somehow managed to chuck a 2 goal lead down the toilet letting Southampton come back to draw 2-2 & it was business as usual for FFP FC who steam-rollered Bournemouth 4-0.
Closing the day was a match that surely should be nominated for a comedy award. Brentford, with a starting line up value of $55m welcomed Manc Untidy, with a starting line up value of $425m found themselves 4-0 up after just 35 minutes thanks to some absolutely clown shoes attempts at defending from the visitors. So bad was the display that some commenters suggested ten Hag use all 5 of his subs at half time, although it would be almost impossible to decide who NOT to take off.
Another commented that this was the the worst showing against the Bees since Makulay Calkin in My Girl.
The only positive for Untidy is that they didn’t concede in the 2nd half. They didn’t score either, but who needs goals when you can rake in $20m in Rapenaldo shirt revenue every month?
But let’s be fair. Brentford played incredibly well. If you would like to spend a couple of minutes laughing your lungs up have at it.
Sunday saw Nottingham Forest’s first home premier league game in 23 years against Wet Spam.
The Tricky Trees rode their luck somewhat as the Spammers hit the bar & were kept at bay by a superb Dean Henderson (wonder if De Gea was watching to pick up some tips?).
Benrahma thought he’d put the visitors in front, but VAR decided that Antonio's body check was more appropriate in an American Football game rather than a soccer one.
It was Awoniyi who eventually broke the deadlock guiding Lingard’s scuffed effort past Fabianski for the only goal of the game.
Wet Spam had a chance to level late on, but Declan Rice’s poor effort was easily gathered by Henderson and the reds held on for a historic victory.
Spurs came back from behind twice at standard bilge igniting fireworks between Tuchel & Conte.
But it was the second goal that was the more controversial as Anthony Taylor decided hair pulling was perfectly okay on the preceding corner that led to the leveller from Harry Kane in the dying seconds.
Then handbaggery ensued securing post match red cards for both managers.
Concluding the week on Monday Palace proved to be Liverpool’s proverbial banana skin yet again as, against the run of play, a dream of the through ball from Eze set Zaha clear to coolly slot home in the 32nd minute. In front of The Kop.
Despite wave after wave of attack, the Eagles’ defence stood firm (*ten Hag seen taking notes*).
Things went from bad to worse for Liverpool when Núñez decided to headbutt Andersen earning himself an early bath & a three match suspension.
But Díaz rescued a point for the reds in the 61st minute with a stunning solo effort to leave Palace 3 points adrift of a champions league spot.