Heartland at the Movies: Slotherhouse

Does exactly what it says on the tin. Some of the nonsense contained herein may be very loosely related to The Sisters of Mercy, but I wouldn't bet your PayPal account on it. In keeping with the internet's general theme nothing written here should be taken as Gospel: over three quarters of it is utter gibberish, and most of the forum's denizens haven't spoken to another human being face-to-face for decades. Don't worry your pretty little heads about it. Above all else, remember this: You don't have to stay forever. I will understand.
Post Reply
User avatar
EvilBastard
Overbomber
Posts: 3907
Joined: 01 Feb 2006, 17:48
Location: Where the Ruined Tower shouts

Yes, dear reader, even the forces of tea-and-biscuit law-enforcement need to take a little time off to refresh and recharge. We do this because we know how much you depend on our advice on such thorny questions are "Should I leave the spoon in?", and because we love you we want to make sure that we can bring our whole attention to such things.

In the spirit of R&R, then, FUCT organised an outing to our local moving-picture emporium last evening. Such an embarrassment of riches were there presented for our viewing delectation: a talkie about someone who made a thing that went 'bang' very loudly, another that seemed very pink (and therefore unsuitable - it might have contained scenes that were insufficiently revolutionary for the more tender of our team members). When what did our eyes alight upon but a natural history documentary about the bradypus, or 3-toed sloth. Being as we are greats fans of Sir Richard Lord Attenborough, and keen to learn more about these somnolent denizens of the Central American forests, we sallied forth to take our seats.

As the lights dimmed we were on the edges of our seats with excitement, anticipating 90 minutes of in-depth anthropological entertainment. And, dear reader, we were not disappointed.

The film opens on a vista of the lush, green tangled jungle, a cacophony of insect noises, and some excellent footage of a sloth in search of a leaf. It heralded much delight. But alas, from this point the film departs from its stated aim of education and descends into jaded mass-market entertainment. Are we expected to believe that a sloth can drive a car or wield a katana, or that an animal whose diet is so lacking in protein can work out how to electrocute an shower full of sorority girls, or can use its claws to post a selfie?

We returned home deflated and dejected, but reaffirmed in our knowledge that not everyone can bring the same intellectual rigour to their tasks as we do.

[record scratch]

Folks - go and see this film.
Go and see it if you're a fan of the horror genre: you will appreciate the nods to the classics (there's a Psycho bit that means you will never again be able to watch the original without thinking about sloths)
Go and see it if you're a fan of the slasher genre: you will appreciate the send-up of Hallowe'en, Friday the 13th, and Elm Street
Go and see it if you're a fan of the sorority mean-girls genre
Go and see it if you want to laugh your arse off
Go and see it if you appreciate that what most movies lack is a homicidal animatronic 3-toed sloth
Go and see it if you think that independent film-making is important

Just fucking see it already.
"I won't go down in history, but I probably will go down on your sister."
Hank Moody
Top
User avatar
iesus
Overbomber
Posts: 4429
Joined: 15 Mar 2006, 11:15
Location: x-EU

Is this the movie in question?? -->

:bat:
'Are we the Baddies?'...
"Someday! Someday, everything you need, is just gonna fall out of the sky..." -A.E. Reading 1991
"Don't forget that most of the judges in witches trials had harvard degrees."
Top
paint it black
Black, black, black & even blacker
Posts: 4946
Joined: 11 Jul 2002, 01:00

If you think that's cool wait for Gef the talking mongoose.
Goths have feelings too
Top
User avatar
EvilBastard
Overbomber
Posts: 3907
Joined: 01 Feb 2006, 17:48
Location: Where the Ruined Tower shouts

iesus wrote: ↑31 Aug 2023, 23:10 Is this the movie in question?? -->

:bat:
This is indeed the movie in question :D

edit: Realise that it might have helped if I'd mentioned the name of the fillum in the original post! :roll:
"I won't go down in history, but I probably will go down on your sister."
Hank Moody
Top
User avatar
Incoming!
Amphetamine Filth
Posts: 209
Joined: 19 May 2023, 23:26
Location: Currently Wandering

I don't think it's available in the US. But I'm a fan or horror and laughing; so maybe I'll catch it on streaming.
This place is death with walls
Top
User avatar
EvilBastard
Overbomber
Posts: 3907
Joined: 01 Feb 2006, 17:48
Location: Where the Ruined Tower shouts

Incoming! wrote: ↑01 Sep 2023, 16:06 I don't think it's available in the US. But I'm a fan or horror and laughing; so maybe I'll catch it on streaming.
It was available in NYC on Wednesday night, but being an indie it's going to have limited release. You can find showtimes here.
"I won't go down in history, but I probably will go down on your sister."
Hank Moody
Top
User avatar
Incoming!
Amphetamine Filth
Posts: 209
Joined: 19 May 2023, 23:26
Location: Currently Wandering

EvilBastard wrote: ↑02 Sep 2023, 16:38
Incoming! wrote: ↑01 Sep 2023, 16:06 I don't think it's available in the US. But I'm a fan or horror and laughing; so maybe I'll catch it on streaming.
It was available in NYC on Wednesday night, but being an indie it's going to have limited release. You can find showtimes here.
Bummer. Not in New Mexico.
This place is death with walls
Top
Post Reply

Return to “General Chat”