One hundred
Posted: 13 Nov 2003, 13:00
Lord Major de Coverly [1946 - 2003]
It is with great regret that the passing of His Lordship, Major de Coverly, in a car crash this morning, is announced.
His Lordship was returning from an all night poker game and had, the Coroner stated, the equivalent of 2 litres of Macallan whiskey in his system at the time his Bentley left the road, broke through a fence, ran over 3 deer, 4 peasants, a chimneysweep, a rabbit, two squirrels and some German tourists, before ricocheting off a tree and launching head first into de Coverly Lake.
Some reports have stated that the tourists reported his Lordship being engaged in a mobile telephone call to someone he was referring to as a "naughty little minx" at the time he entered the lake. The Coroner, Filbert Balltwitt KBE stated that this was "a load of bloody Hun nonsense" and was "not what we fought a war for".
His Lordship's title dates back to Henry I who, it is alleged, had a predilection for mating himself with French ponies whilst blindfolded young virgins danced around him throwing beets. The first Lord de Coverly, Ricard Pastis Pernod Coverly, spotted the king indulging in this "ritual" on one of his many trips to Normandy and had a contemporary artist render likenesses so uncanny, a legacy was spawned before the ink was even dry on the portraits.
In the late 1800s the good fortune that had seemingly followed the de Coverly clan like a doting lamb, ran off. A series of bad land speculations, outrageous divorce settlements (including marrying a horse whilst drunk once and conceding two fields to hush things up) and failure to cheat well at poker severely reduced the estate.
This left the incumbent Lord de Coverly with just de Coverly Towers, the lake on the grounds, and a small estate where the Major would prepare for his (sadly unrealised) life long goal of invading Poland, using Sherman tanks and the local farm hands, gypsies and travellers to practice with. This had been an ambition ever since Lord de Coverly reached the rank of Major in the local boy scout troop.
Lord Major de Coverly leaves 3 ex-wives, one daughter, a large wine cellar, 25 horses, 100 hunting hounds and a humidor in need of a good home.
The line dies with him.
It is with great regret that the passing of His Lordship, Major de Coverly, in a car crash this morning, is announced.
His Lordship was returning from an all night poker game and had, the Coroner stated, the equivalent of 2 litres of Macallan whiskey in his system at the time his Bentley left the road, broke through a fence, ran over 3 deer, 4 peasants, a chimneysweep, a rabbit, two squirrels and some German tourists, before ricocheting off a tree and launching head first into de Coverly Lake.
Some reports have stated that the tourists reported his Lordship being engaged in a mobile telephone call to someone he was referring to as a "naughty little minx" at the time he entered the lake. The Coroner, Filbert Balltwitt KBE stated that this was "a load of bloody Hun nonsense" and was "not what we fought a war for".
His Lordship's title dates back to Henry I who, it is alleged, had a predilection for mating himself with French ponies whilst blindfolded young virgins danced around him throwing beets. The first Lord de Coverly, Ricard Pastis Pernod Coverly, spotted the king indulging in this "ritual" on one of his many trips to Normandy and had a contemporary artist render likenesses so uncanny, a legacy was spawned before the ink was even dry on the portraits.
In the late 1800s the good fortune that had seemingly followed the de Coverly clan like a doting lamb, ran off. A series of bad land speculations, outrageous divorce settlements (including marrying a horse whilst drunk once and conceding two fields to hush things up) and failure to cheat well at poker severely reduced the estate.
This left the incumbent Lord de Coverly with just de Coverly Towers, the lake on the grounds, and a small estate where the Major would prepare for his (sadly unrealised) life long goal of invading Poland, using Sherman tanks and the local farm hands, gypsies and travellers to practice with. This had been an ambition ever since Lord de Coverly reached the rank of Major in the local boy scout troop.
Lord Major de Coverly leaves 3 ex-wives, one daughter, a large wine cellar, 25 horses, 100 hunting hounds and a humidor in need of a good home.
The line dies with him.
