Heartland

So, I was going up the stairs at the train station and there was a log jam with commuters huffing and puffing as someone slowed them all down. When I got up to his step I found a very very drunk Scottish wino on all fours having problems with the way the concrete stair case was spinning around, or so it seemed. I went to the ticket desk and bought a ticket. He staggered up towards the window where a woman was standing and he held her shoulder and said "awagcherfeckingcaaantanddoya, eh? eh?" or something like that, and she was a bit worried. And there weren't any other men around and all the women were scattering. And then he said "dya havatenner ferra drink then?" and she said "no, go away or I will call the police" to which he replied "ahahahahahahahaha" and so I stepped in. I said "here, if you want some money for a cup of tea I'll give it to you but please leave us all in peace" and he snatched the 50p out of my hand and said "AND WHO THE FU_CK DYAE THINK YOU ARE?" really a bit louder than I had bargained for. And then I thought well fu_ck you back and said "ok then, if you aren't going to leave I'll have my money back" and put my hands out for the money. And he thought I wanted a fight so he leant forward and raised his fists, but that unbalanced him and he staggered back and bounced off the ticket office wall like a tennis ball and came at me quite fast. So I did the old bull fight manoeuvre and stepped away from where I was standing, with my back to the staircase and he charged over the edge and cascaded down the stairs. BUMP BUMP CRASH FECKINBASTARDING****INGENGLISHFECKERS etc.
Then, can you BE-LOODY-IEVE it, the woman in the ticket office said over the public address system "I shall have to call the police now as you have assaulted a member of the public on the station premises". I said something a little less moderate than "oh no, I think not" and to her massive credit, the woman who was at the centre of it all said "he didn't touch him" and others joined in and she shut up.
I then had to go to the other platform which meant stepping over the dry Blackthorn p!ss flavoured heap at the bottom. It was all very embarrassing indeed.

So you've met Big Si?

Johnny Boy wrote:So you met Big Si?

HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!



JB, you have a special place in my heart.

CorpPunk wrote:

Johnny Boy wrote:So you met Big Si?

HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!



JB, you have a special place in my heart.

Thank you m'lady.

all said "he didn't touch him" and

Amazing........................I thought you was a "she".....................oooops

Mind you we all thought Corp Punk was a bloke untill we saw the piccys

elguiri wrote:

all said "he didn't touch him" and

Amazing........................I thought you was a "she".....................oooops

Mind you we all thought Corp Punk was a bloke untill we saw the piccys

Yeah, just keep giving Si ammunition, right? Go. Right. Ahead.

CP was always a girl. You can tell by the way she writes.

CB has always been a boy. You can tell by the way that he doesn't look good in a skirt.

I appreciate that Belle is a bit confusing.

Yeah , knock the last "e" off of belle.................bit more masculine sounding then...........sort of a male bell as it were

elguiri wrote: ...sort of a male bell as it were

Dave, I would quit whilst you're ahead ...

Johnny Boy wrote:

elguiri wrote: ...sort of a male bell as it were

Dave, I would quit whilst you're ahead ...

Or at the every least not too far behind.

What a tale. Sounds like great fun, oh the rise of the Scots. And I knew you were a bloke.

Chairman Bux wrote:

Johnny Boy wrote:

elguiri wrote: ...sort of a male bell as it were

Dave, I would quit whilst you're ahead ...

Or at the every least not too far behind.

Sooooooooooooo anyhows we were talking about big si.................or something...............


Taxiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiii........

... and your point Clucker is?

[quote="Red Sunsets"]... and your point Clucker is?[/quote]

....lost on you.

A little off topic, but i've always thought that the irish, the scotish and the welsh are very friendly and loud and funny when drunk, whereas the english are obnoxious and aggressive. Is there any truth to this claim?

I can't stand the English. At least the ones I've met.

zigeunerweisen wrote: whereas the english are obnoxious and aggressive. Is there any truth to this claim?

CellThree wrote: I can't stand the English. At least the ones I've met.

Unfortunately the image of the English abroad has been tarnished by the disgraceful behaviour of a) Sunshine holiday hoardes and b) Football 'supporters' (God help Portugal next year).'

Is this the right moment to state that I am in fact Irish ...

Johnny Boy wrote:

zigeunerweisen wrote: whereas the english are obnoxious and aggressive. Is there any truth to this claim?

CellThree wrote: I can't stand the English. At least the ones I've met.

Unfortunately the image of the English abroad has been tarnished by the disgraceful behaviour of a) Sunshine holiday hoardes and b) Football 'supporters' (God help Portugal next year).'

Is this the right moment to state that I am in fact Irish ...

Forgot to mention that I am English, I live in England, brought up in England etc etc. I lived in Canada for a few months last year and this year and it was just so nice to be around people that don't whine about every little thing, complain about how bad their job/kids/wife/husband/government are. I didn't realise how bad it was until I came back over here. As soon as I can, I'm going back (yay for having Canadian citizenship!).

I guess I just can't deal with the same level of s**t I used to.

OK. These are the rules accepted in most educated social groupings:

1. You can slag off another country as you wish...

2. ...as long as it is funny or based on genuine observation....

3. ...otherwise sweeping generalisations typically make the author look stupid.

4. Rules (2) and (3) are disapplied when talking about the frogies or yankie doodles.

i hope you've retired to a very safe distance...

I don't like to be xenophobic, but in my experience almost all social groups turn nasty at the slightest suggestion that they may be a bunch of violent alcoholic tossers.

Clucking Belle wrote:OK. These are the rules accepted in most educated social groupings:

1. You can slag off another country as you wish...

2. ...as long as it is funny or based on genuine observation....

3. ...otherwise sweeping generalisations typically make the author look stupid.

4. Rules (2) and (3) are disapplied when talking about the frogies or yankie doodles.

Stick a feather in my hat and call it macaroni!

MrChris wrote:I don't like to be xenophobic, but in my experience almost all social groups turn nasty at the slightest suggestion that they may be a bunch of violent alcoholic tossers.

Oi...............not so much of the "violent"

Clucking Belle wrote:

Red Sunsets wrote:... and your point Clucker is?

....lost on you.

There goes that attitude again...

I remember that Viz used to sell a t-shirt with the slogan "Instant Arseh*le, Just Add Alcohol".

To be honest, I don’t think nationality has much to do with being obnoxious when drunk, and I’m not just saying that because I’m Scottish!
Of course, in the case of chronic alcoholism there really isn’t much you can do for the person – they really have to want to help themselves before anyone else can help them. I’ve seen people go down that path and it’s not pleasant.
In my rare moments of compassion I try and remind myself of the old maxim "There but for the grace of God go I". Then I usually cross over to the other side of the road.
The following story is apropos of nothing really. I just thought I’d relate it.

Often, when I’m walking down to the bus station on my way to work in the morning I see a pair of winos shuffling along (usually about seven o'clock). I guess they are about their late fifties, though they could be younger as drink tends to age people prematurely. Anyway, they are always holding hands and sharing a bottle of some cheap and nasty alcoholic beverage. It’s quite sweet in one way and utterly horrible in another. Are they united in adversary or do they have no one else to turn to?