Heartland

well i'll be around for a while yet (some of us have to keep the wheels of industry turning lest the very fabric of our greed-soaked capitalist society should be torn down to reveal the emptiness at our very core) but i thought this would be the ideal time to remind my fellow heartlanders that it's perfectly acceptable to be a miserable old bastard right through the so-called "festive" season...

i will be taking my leave this afternoon and retreating to a secluded monk's cell on a tiny island in the middle of the mediterranean. following a few days meditation on the meaninglessness of existence i shall return refreshed, reinvigorated and restored to my very best.

on a final note, remember that any unwanted christmas puppies or kittens can be easily disposed of with the use of a sack, a brick and any large body of water.

RJ, I will be using the self sack (ashes now firmly washed away) to dispose of not only mine, but mosts of the Dudley areas pets as well.

Then I shall turn my attention to any unwanted family members.

I beleive that DIY Cremation kit is still available on ebay, a snip at £12.55....

I reckon elaborate 'pet catapults' are the fun way of dealing with such problematic 'gifts'. You can mark out a shot putt type measuring system for added amusement.