Heartland

He has banned beards and listening to car radios, and instituted a national holiday in honour of a melon. Now the world's craziest dictator has identified a new and pressing danger to his people: gold teeth.

He had some remarkable advice for the people of his former Soviet republic on how to avoid losing their teeth. "I watched young dogs when I was young," he said. "They were given bones to gnaw. Those of you whose teeth have fallen out did not gnaw on bones. This is my advice."

Turkmenistan is littered with gold statues of him, including a giant revolving one in the capital, Ashgabat.
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Surreally, he has followed in the footsteps of the fictional dictator in Woody Allen's movie Bananas, to redefine the ages of his citizens. Adolescence now lasts until 25, youth doesn't end until 37, and old age starts at 85.

Last year Mr Niyazov instituted a holiday in honour of the muskmelon, a relative of the watermelon, complete with lavish festivities, and ordered that everybody take part. "This godsend has a glorious history," national television announced. "Our great leader, who has a great love of his nation, has brought the name of the tasty melons to the level of a national holiday."

The United Nations Human Rights Commission is due to vote this week on a resolution condemning Mr Niyazov, saying his rule is based "on the repression of all opposition political activities". It expresses grave concern over "arbitrary detention and imprisonment ... suppression of independent media ... restrictions on the exercise of freedom of thought ... discrimination against ethnic Russian, Uzbek and other minorities".

the West has long been prepared to turn a blind eye to Mr Niyazov's excesses as companies compete for a planned pipeline to export gas through Afghanistan

emilystrange wrote:and we thought thatcher was bad for milk snatching.

Quiff Boy wrote:here's the rub:

the West has long been prepared to turn a blind eye to Mr Niyazov's excesses as companies compete for a planned pipeline to export gas through Afghanistan

hmmm....