The Price of Democracy

[CorpPunk]

I was fifteen minutes late to work today. Luckily my boss is stationed too far away at some conference thingy to notice, but a conscience can be a weapon of self-destruction when unleashed on a sleep-deprived, caffeine-free Friday (and St. George's Day, apparently).

Why sleep-deprived, you ask? Well, it didn't start out that way I can assure you. Last night was of the mild and balmy kind--we've had a string of those lately, so I left my window open to savour the breeze. My windows face the back garden, directly beneath a sizeable wooden deck replete with fashionably plastic deck furniture. Having fallen asleep at the wheel--book in hand, The Clash blaring from the stereo, light curiously off; old age is a right bitch when one slows enough to be caught by it--I proceeded to dream long of houses and sunshine.

Leaving me to rest for a minute: the back story goes that one of my housemates (sweet girl, bit of a slob) tends to bring home neighborhood strays on occasion, providing food, water, and my couch to sleep on for a night. She generally refers to them as 'friends,' and as I have seen some repeat offenders in recent months, who am I to question?

I was awoken about 1:30am--stereo quiet, book wrapped in sheets like a dreamtime birthday present--by the sounds of loud talking and plastic deck furniture being dragged to and fro across the wooden deck directly above my window. Still half asleep, I surmised it was a be-kind-to-strays night, unwrapped the book and threw it on the floor, and rolled over and went back to a now fitful, disturbed sleep.

At approximately 3am I was jarred awake by a familiarly loud voice saying, 'The thing about Bush and Cheney....' Now, I was willing to let it go before, but no one wakes me up with political discussions in the middle of the morning on a school night when they don't even live in my gawddamn house. I rushed (well, stumbled--I have bad eyesight) up the stairs, flung open the door to the back garden, truned my face in the general direction of a couple of human-shaped blurs and asked them--very nicely, I thought--to bring their 'party' inside, i.e., not directly outside my open window.

So instead of listening to politics, I got to listen to two grown boys stomping around on my ceiling for another forty-five minutes ('Oh sorry...we thought we were being quiet'). And I don't know about you, but once I get out of bed it takes me hours to get back to sleep. So that was pretty much the end of my night, hence my difficulty in rising for work at 7am. And I just can't shake the suspicion that I could have handled this much more efficiently, allowing myself to get a decent night's sleep, and into work on time.

For future reference, I ask my fellow Heartlanders: what should I have done?

[The Green Lantern]

You are lucky! The old man in the apartment above mine is deaf and he likes to watch a 24 hrs a day news-channel before going to sleep, with the volume maxed. More often than not he falls asleep with the tv on, not hearing the loud noise himself. The sound of constant news-commercials-news-commercials travels down to me, all through the night. I can't bang on his door either, since he's deaf he won't hear me knocking. It's torture, but I try to solve the problem by ignoring it. It takes some practice but it works.

[hallucienate]

I personally can't sleep with the windows open.

I have the same problem at my girlfriend's place. Her best friend/house mate has the room directly above our bedroom (wooden floors, no carpets) , and she is in the habbit of bringing home "strays" (including my best friend) but for other reasons. At least they've stopped throwing stones at the window at 4:00 am

[markfiend]

CP: My advice: Termination. With extreme prejudice.

[CorpPunk]

CP: My advice: Termination. With extreme prejudice.

Yeah, now that I think about it I should have put a choice for 'opened a can of whoop-ass all ovah da place!'

[markfiend]

CP: My advice: Termination. With extreme prejudice.

Yeah, now that I think about it I should have put a choice for 'opened a can of whoop-ass all ovah da place!'

...leaving no piece larger than 1 cubic inch

[Thrash Harry]

You should have suggested a threesome, but only of they let you string them up in a gimp suit first. I reckon they'd have falledn for it.

[CorpPunk]

Harry, I bow to your superior imagination.

[Mrs. Snowey]

Or (needs a bit of forward planning this one): get a jar of chilis in.

Why? Well, my mate Emma was being annoyed by a mutual friend (nice enough bloke, but at the time he deserved everything he got), so she promised him a BJ if he ate 3 chilies.

Didn't make it past the first bite before he had to stick his face in the kitchen sink. He stayed there for quite some time, so not only did it keep him from running round the house, it shut him up

[Almiche V]

No more tolerance. Stand for nothing and you'll put up with anything.

THarrys threesome idea is good though.

[Thrash Harry]

needs a bit of forward planning this one

Whereas we all know Corpy's the kind of girl to have two man-sized gimp suits lying around in her wardrobe.

[Erudite]

I would have read them the riot act, but then I'm a grumpy git at the best of times, more so when someone is disturbing my sleep.
Not so long ago I was laid up in bed with a head cold and desperately trying to get some sleep before work (this was earlyish, 'bout half ten in the evening) and my wife was entertaining a mutual friend and her son in the kitchen.
Some loud voices and much frustration later, said guests were informed that it was "time to practice your quiet voices or f*ck off home."

People skills are not my forte!

[Mrs. Snowey]

needs a bit of forward planning this one

Whereas we all know Corpy's the kind of girl to have two man-sized gimp suits lying around in her wardrobe.

I have such a mental image of that mad woman from Life Laundry coming round to CP's house now.

BTW, why man-sized? What else would they be?

[paint it black]

having lived in a big house with many people

plotted your revenge.

next time it looks for example a "romantic dinner partyish" vibe. place a speaker playing metal machine music, or public image - flowers of romance lp/cd on you ceiling at full volume.. then leave the "apartment" and go for a nice long walk. you should find you'll be in suprisingly good fettle as you drift along.

i recommend PIL because the vocals are low compared to the percussion . and it's based upon a man being confined in a very small cell for a period of time

[Gripper]

The problem here seems to be the subject matter. If they were wearing Sisters t-shirts and promising to share your drug of choice (chocolate buttons, whizz, nice coffee, whatever), would the reaction of anyone above have been different?

Living in this kind of environment, while for most of us unavoidable, is something we have to get used to. We develop strategies to deal with it. Some of us avoid crackheads by being careful, some of us avoid Jehovah's Witnesses by closing the door, some of us avoid the old woman over the road because there's no such thing as a quick conversation. Most of us (for lots of reasons we could all acknowledge) avoid the drunken loudmouths outside our houses at 3am by just waiting for them to move on.

What's most sad is that we're under so much pressure most of the time that we can't treat the kind of people Corpy had to put up with, with the same tolerance that we're willing to give to everyone we share(d) festival campsites with.

So, CP, I haven't got an alternative to what's been suggested above. I'd be tempted to release the hounds, myself.

[Thrash Harry]

BTW, why man-sized? What else would they be?

Do I detect a trace of sexism here? Girls can be gimps as well you know. And it would seem that pre-planning may not be required, afer all.

http://www.funkysh!t.org/archives/oct02.php

Oh! Bloody profanity filter. Replace the ! with an i. Halfway down the page. PARENTAL ADVISORY. (Yes, guaranteed to get the kids to buy it).

[rian]

Kicked the bastard out.

I have the same problem with sleep. Sara woke me up tonight because I was snoring (spell) and I couldn't get back to sleep.

[CorpPunk]

My reputation here is ruined.







Or maybe not.

[CorpPunk]

Thank you all for your kind and considered replies. And a special thanks to the amoral majority who voted for the first choice--it's nice to see that violence is still alive and well in the minds of forum-dwellers. A week and a half of introspection later, and I have to admit I doubt I'd do anything very differently, apart from demoting my housemate from "sweet girl, bit of a slob" to "total fvcking pig."

*sigh*

[markfiend]

I reckon the "amoral majority" would do exactly the same in your position. What we have here is a display of "keyboard heroics". Violence may be alive in people's minds, but very few would translate that into external violence IMO

[CorpPunk]

"keyboard heroics"

I am so gonna steal that.