Heartland

A gentleman died and arrived in hell. He was met by the Devil and was told that in the new kinder gentler hell, each person is offered Three choices of torture. The Devil explained that these tortures run in 1000 year cycles and you could pick which cycle in which to begin.

So the Devil took the man to the first room where a man was hung up by his feet and was being whipped with chains. The man said he did not think that was where he wanted to start.

They proceeded to the next room where a man was hung up by his arms and was being whipped by a Cat-O-Nine Tails. The man also declined this form of torture.

The third room had a man strapped to the wall naked and a very beautiful young blonde woman was performing oral sex upon him. The man told the Devil this is more like it, and this was the one he wanted.

The Devil said are you sure?, it lasts for 1000 years! The man assured him that this was the punishment he wanted.

So the Devil walked over to the young woman and said "You can go now, I have found your replacement"

Hell jokes, cool.

Contrary to popular belief, Heaven and Hell are separated only by a small wooden fence. One day, God was doing his regular check of the boundaries and found a broken section of fence between Heaven and Hell. Furious, he called Satan up on the phone.

God yelled, "Satan, I want that fence fixed and I want it fixed now!"

"Hey, God, you're the omnipotent one, you fix it," came the nonchalant reply.

"Don't make me angry Satan!"

"Like I care!"

"Right. Right," said God, "if you don't get it fixed, I'll sue you."

Satan broke into a fit of giggles.

"What?" asked God, perplexed.

Satan said, stifling his laughter, "and just where are you going to find a lawyer?"

markfiend wrote: "and just where are you going to find a lawyer?"

superb Joke