OH MY GOTH

Does exactly what it says on the tin. Some of the nonsense contained herein may be very loosely related to The Sisters of Mercy, but I wouldn't bet your PayPal account on it. In keeping with the internet's general theme nothing written here should be taken as Gospel: over three quarters of it is utter gibberish, and most of the forum's denizens haven't spoken to another human being face-to-face for decades. Don't worry your pretty little heads about it. Above all else, remember this: You don't have to stay forever. I will understand.
User avatar
Mrs RicheyJames
Overbomber
Posts: 4128
Joined: 10 Feb 2003, 00:33
Location: Rick Astley's house. Trying to find out why he chooses to look like Timsinister.

This was shameless stolen from a friend of a friend on Livejournal and is totally for real.................

If Your Child is a Gothic, Reform Through the Lord!

Listed below are some warning signs to indicate if your child may
have
gone astray from the Lord.

GOTHIC (or GOTH) is a very obscure and often dangerous culture that
young teenagers are prone to participating in. The gothic culture
leads
young, susceptible minds into an imagined world of evil, darkness,
and
violence. Please seek immediate attention through counselling,
prayer,
and parental guidance to rid your child of Satan's temptations if FIVE
or more of the following are applicable to your child:

1-Frequently wears black clothing.

2-Wears band and/or rock t-shirts.

3-Wears excessive black eye makeup, lipstick or nailpolish.

4-Wears any odd, silver jewelry or symbols. Some of these include:
reversed crosses, pentagrams, pentacles, ankhs or various other
Satanic
worshipping symbols.

5-Shows an interest in piercings or tattoos.

6-Listens to gothic or any other anti-social genres of music. (Marilyn
Manson claims to be the anti-Christ, and publicly speaks against the
Lord. Please discard any such albums IMMEDIATELY.)

7-Associates with other people that dress, act or speak eccentrically.

8-Shows a declining interest in wholesome activities, such as: the
Bible,
prayer, church or sports.

9-Shows an increasing interest in death, vampires, magic, the occult,
witchcraft or anything else that involves Satan.

10-Takes drugs.

11-Drinks alcohol.

12-Is suicidal and/or depressed.

13-Cuts, burns or partakes in any other method of self-mutilation.
(This
is a Satanic ritual that uses pain to detract from the light of God
and
His love. Please seek immediate attention for this at your local
mental
health center.)

14-Complains of boredom.

15-Sleeps too excessively or too little.

16-Is excessively awake during the night.

17-Dislikes sunlight or any other form of light. (This pertains to
vampires promoting the idea that His light is of no use.)

18-Demands an unusual amount of privacy.

19-Spends large amounts of time alone.

20-Requests time alone and quietness. (This is so that your chid may
speak
to evil sprits through meditation.)

21-Insists on spending time with friends while unaccompanied by an
adult.

22-Disregards authority figures; teachers, priests, nuns and elders are
but a few examples of this.

23-Misbehaves at school.

24-Misbehaves at home.

25-Eats excessively or too little.

26-Eats goth-related foods. Count Dracula cereal is an example of this.

27-Drinks blood or expresses an interest in drinking blood. (Vampires
believe this is how to attain Satan. This act is very dangerous and
should be stopped immediately.)

28-Watches cable television or any other corrupted media sources. (Ask
your local church for proper programs that your child may watch.)

29-Plays videos games that contains violence or role-playing nature.

30-Uses the internet excessively and frequently makes time for the
computer.

-Makes Satanic symbols and/or violently shakes head to music.

31-Dances to music in a provocative or sexual manner.

32-Expresses an interest in sex.

33-Masturbates

34-Is homosexual and/or bisexual.

35-Pursues dangerous cult religions. Such include: Satanism,
Scientology,
Philosophy, Paganism, Wicca, Hinduism and Buddhism.

36-Wears pins, stickers or anything else that contains these various
phrases: "I'm so gothic, I'm dead", "woe is me", "I'm a goth".

37-Claims to be a goth.

If five or more of these apply to your child, please intervene
immediately. The gothic culture is dangerous and Satan thrives within
it. If any of these problems persist, enlist your child into your
local
mental health center.



:lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol:
Only a paand.
ryan
Utterly Bastard Groovy Amphetamine Filth
Posts: 851
Joined: 22 May 2003, 10:57

well thats everyone i know then.. better start forming an angry mob
User avatar
Quiff Boy
Herr Administrator
Posts: 16772
Joined: 25 Jan 2002, 00:00
Location: Lurking and fixing
Contact:

33 :lol:
What’s the difference between a buffalo and a bison?
User avatar
Francis
Overbomber
Posts: 2621
Joined: 02 Jul 2004, 16:58
Location: Loose shoes...

Oh no! My son is doomed. What will the neighbours think?
And you know that she's half crazy but that's why you want to be there.
User avatar
andymackem
Slight Overbomber
Posts: 1191
Joined: 17 Dec 2003, 10:11
Location: Darkest Durham

I don't score very highly here, and I'd argue everyone on Earth would tick five boxes, if they were honest.

So it's nice to know we're all damned.

This is why I don't have a diminishing interest in the church, though. They always manage to prick my curiosity with something really stupid.

And WTF are goth-related foods?
Names are just a souvenir ...
Russian footie in the run-up to the World Cup - my latest E-book available from https://www.amazon.co.uk/dp/B07DGJFF6G
User avatar
markfiend
goriller of form 3b
Posts: 21181
Joined: 11 Nov 2003, 10:55
Location: st custards
Contact:

Christians p*ss me off.
The fundamental cause of the trouble is that in the modern world the stupid are cocksure while the intelligent are full of doubt.
—Bertrand Russell
User avatar
sisxbeforedawn
Utterly Bastard Groovy Amphetamine Filth
Posts: 627
Joined: 07 Feb 2004, 20:41
Location: Where the listener comes first

:lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol:

6-Listens to gothic or any other anti-social genres of music. (Marilyn
Manson claims to be the anti-Christ, and publicly speaks against the
Lord. Please discard any such albums IMMEDIATELY.)

now I agree with burning all MM cd's :D :lol:
I met a devil woman, she took my heart away
User avatar
Francis
Overbomber
Posts: 2621
Joined: 02 Jul 2004, 16:58
Location: Loose shoes...

andymackem wrote:And WTF are goth-related foods?
Count Draclua cereal apparently. Someone please tell me this is a joke.
And you know that she's half crazy but that's why you want to be there.
straylight
Amphetamine Filth
Posts: 233
Joined: 20 Apr 2004, 15:56

Ooh, reading this I realise I am all young and dangerous and not an average person at all....I want to be alone to commune with Satan, not just because I can't stand all that yap yap yap...

I can tick all but about four of these boxes and I'm not even a goth.

Cheered me up no end. :)
User avatar
Karst
Slight Overbomber
Posts: 1452
Joined: 04 Nov 2002, 00:00
Location: Belfast

Image

:cool:
User avatar
Mrs RicheyJames
Overbomber
Posts: 4128
Joined: 10 Feb 2003, 00:33
Location: Rick Astley's house. Trying to find out why he chooses to look like Timsinister.

Karst wrote:Image

:cool:

:notworthy: :notworthy: :notworthy: :notworthy: :notworthy:

I want some :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol:
Only a paand.
User avatar
James Blast
Banned
Posts: 24699
Joined: 11 Jun 2003, 18:58
Location: back from some place else

can I take no. 11?
why did the one between 30 and 31 not have a number?
"And when you start to think about death, you start to think about what's after it. And then you start hoping there is a God. For me, it's a frightening thought to go nowhere".
~ Peter Steele
User avatar
markfiend
goriller of form 3b
Posts: 21181
Joined: 11 Nov 2003, 10:55
Location: st custards
Contact:

James Blast wrote:why did the one between 30 and 31 not have a number?
Call it thirty-and-a-half?
The fundamental cause of the trouble is that in the modern world the stupid are cocksure while the intelligent are full of doubt.
—Bertrand Russell
User avatar
James Blast
Banned
Posts: 24699
Joined: 11 Jun 2003, 18:58
Location: back from some place else

30.5 The Number Of The Beastie
"And when you start to think about death, you start to think about what's after it. And then you start hoping there is a God. For me, it's a frightening thought to go nowhere".
~ Peter Steele
User avatar
markfiend
goriller of form 3b
Posts: 21181
Joined: 11 Nov 2003, 10:55
Location: st custards
Contact:

Is that like 668 the Neighbour of the Beast?*

Or 333 the Number of the Demi-beast?

One could go on forever...

*The projected title for the unwritten sequel to Pratchett & Gaiman's Good Omens BTW
The fundamental cause of the trouble is that in the modern world the stupid are cocksure while the intelligent are full of doubt.
—Bertrand Russell
User avatar
andymackem
Slight Overbomber
Posts: 1191
Joined: 17 Dec 2003, 10:11
Location: Darkest Durham

Count Chocula is all well and good, but it's not really goth, is it? Unless this is a strange kind of vampire which is seen sucking the juices from a melted Dairy Milk.

On the other hand ... Easter eggs are chocolate, Easter is about the death of Christ, thus chocolate is about murdering the son of God! Hurrah!

And Mars, a major chocolate manufacturer, is named after a pagan god of violence and bloodshed.

Not sure how the Quakers (Cadburys, Rowntrees) fit this theory yet, but I think I'm on to something here, lads and lasses!
Names are just a souvenir ...
Russian footie in the run-up to the World Cup - my latest E-book available from https://www.amazon.co.uk/dp/B07DGJFF6G
User avatar
andymackem
Slight Overbomber
Posts: 1191
Joined: 17 Dec 2003, 10:11
Location: Darkest Durham

And another thing!

The leading Russian chocolate manufacturer is called "Red October" (Krasny Oktabrye), in obvious commemoration of the atheistic Bolshevik revolution.

More evidence.

Next week, why the Easter Bunny is a tacit endorsement of ritualised sexual malpractice.
Names are just a souvenir ...
Russian footie in the run-up to the World Cup - my latest E-book available from https://www.amazon.co.uk/dp/B07DGJFF6G
User avatar
James Blast
Banned
Posts: 24699
Joined: 11 Jun 2003, 18:58
Location: back from some place else

I think you've finally flipped Mr. mackem
"And when you start to think about death, you start to think about what's after it. And then you start hoping there is a God. For me, it's a frightening thought to go nowhere".
~ Peter Steele
User avatar
Andie
Overbomber
Posts: 2886
Joined: 06 Jun 2003, 23:49

jeeeeesus...


i'm sooo doomed...there's only 3 of them that i don't/haven't done/do...*34, 35, 36 for those who need to know*


just as well that my kiddiewinkles have turned out totally normal then isn't it?!?... :cry:


damn churches and those christians...always spoil everything... :roll:
User avatar
James Blast
Banned
Posts: 24699
Joined: 11 Jun 2003, 18:58
Location: back from some place else

define normal Burn?

a Christian
"And when you start to think about death, you start to think about what's after it. And then you start hoping there is a God. For me, it's a frightening thought to go nowhere".
~ Peter Steele
User avatar
Andie
Overbomber
Posts: 2886
Joined: 06 Jun 2003, 23:49

James Blast wrote:define normal Burn?

a Christian

no James...god forbid!


the oldest one is a townie (likes chart music and wears a belt for a skirt) the youngest is a skate punk and an Army Cadet...


where did i go wrong?? :urff:
User avatar
James Blast
Banned
Posts: 24699
Joined: 11 Jun 2003, 18:58
Location: back from some place else

@ Burn now I know why I never spawned
"And when you start to think about death, you start to think about what's after it. And then you start hoping there is a God. For me, it's a frightening thought to go nowhere".
~ Peter Steele
User avatar
Francis
Overbomber
Posts: 2621
Joined: 02 Jul 2004, 16:58
Location: Loose shoes...

Burn wrote:the oldest one is a townie (likes chart music and wears a belt for a skirt) the youngest is a skate punk and an Army Cadet...


where did i go wrong?? :urff:
Sounds very familiar, only mine are lads. I console myself with the thought that kids shouldn't turn out the way their parents want them to. It shows they've got character.
And you know that she's half crazy but that's why you want to be there.
User avatar
andymackem
Slight Overbomber
Posts: 1191
Joined: 17 Dec 2003, 10:11
Location: Darkest Durham

James Blast wrote:I think you've finally flipped Mr. mackem
It's the heat. My chocolate is melting. And its talking to the voices in my head.

:twisted: :twisted: :twisted:
Names are just a souvenir ...
Russian footie in the run-up to the World Cup - my latest E-book available from https://www.amazon.co.uk/dp/B07DGJFF6G
User avatar
Quiff Boy
Herr Administrator
Posts: 16772
Joined: 25 Jan 2002, 00:00
Location: Lurking and fixing
Contact:

it gets better:

Image

wtf? :lol: :lol: :notworthy:
What’s the difference between a buffalo and a bison?
Post Reply