Latent Tendencies
Posted: 10 Aug 2004, 15:11
Last night I had a very odd and very nice dream. But that's not the point.
Sometime during this dream I heard a noise outside of the dream world. Being in such a deep, dream-state sleep, I didn't immediately recognize what it was, or register its significance.
When I heard the noise a second time, it sounded like a very quiet knock. With one foot still firmly planted in REM stage, I managed to open my eyes and glance at the clock, which I understood, on a subconcious level, to display 5:00am. But I still wasn't awake.
Then I heard someone say my name, from far away, and it sounded as if she were crying. My brain suddenly screamed "Housemate in distress!" and I awoke instantly, leapt out of bed (remembering to grab my glasses cos I'm mad blind), threw open my bedroom door and demanded, "What is the problem? I will fix it!"
"Somebody's trying to break into the house," says A, cowering.
"Where? I will fix it!" says I, delirious.
"The front door--this guy was trying to break the door knob and yelling at me to let him in," says A. (This is more serious than it sounds--half our front door is composed of thin and easily-breakable panes of glass.)
Well. The guy was gone by the time I got there, and A. had already called the cops, using the phone in plain view of the weirdo like a smart girl (although the cops themselves were useless, as the cop shop is two blocks away and they took twenty minutes to arrive--pathetic mofos). I have to admit that the guy was considerate enough to shut the security gate with the broken lock on his way out. A better class of criminal, have we.
But the prospect of bodily harm and property damage is not what dismays me about this episode. Rather, it's that A.'s (quiet) knocking didn't rouse me, but as soon as she (equally quietly) called my name in the shaky-crying voice I was alert and on some sort of protective rampage. Could it be some heretofore untapped maternal instinct? Possible, but anyone who knows me would find it extremely unlikely, and I think it's kinda stupid. But on further thought, I think I've formulated a viable theory:
I have Latent Superhero Tendencies.
LSTs, my friends. I read Watchmen this weekend but I thought it was just a comic. Now I realize that Alan Moore (knows the score) was speaking to me personally. It's too late for me, but that doesn't mean I can't warn others, as one with LST would. Don't let this happen to you. Next time you feel like reading a comic book, turn on Fox news and get a taste of reality instead.
So what did we learn from this, boys and girls? Well, I now know that going to work on less than four hours of sleep makes me nauseous. And knowing it's half the battle.*
*Props to whoever gets this 80s cartoon reference.
Sometime during this dream I heard a noise outside of the dream world. Being in such a deep, dream-state sleep, I didn't immediately recognize what it was, or register its significance.
When I heard the noise a second time, it sounded like a very quiet knock. With one foot still firmly planted in REM stage, I managed to open my eyes and glance at the clock, which I understood, on a subconcious level, to display 5:00am. But I still wasn't awake.
Then I heard someone say my name, from far away, and it sounded as if she were crying. My brain suddenly screamed "Housemate in distress!" and I awoke instantly, leapt out of bed (remembering to grab my glasses cos I'm mad blind), threw open my bedroom door and demanded, "What is the problem? I will fix it!"
"Somebody's trying to break into the house," says A, cowering.
"Where? I will fix it!" says I, delirious.
"The front door--this guy was trying to break the door knob and yelling at me to let him in," says A. (This is more serious than it sounds--half our front door is composed of thin and easily-breakable panes of glass.)
Well. The guy was gone by the time I got there, and A. had already called the cops, using the phone in plain view of the weirdo like a smart girl (although the cops themselves were useless, as the cop shop is two blocks away and they took twenty minutes to arrive--pathetic mofos). I have to admit that the guy was considerate enough to shut the security gate with the broken lock on his way out. A better class of criminal, have we.
But the prospect of bodily harm and property damage is not what dismays me about this episode. Rather, it's that A.'s (quiet) knocking didn't rouse me, but as soon as she (equally quietly) called my name in the shaky-crying voice I was alert and on some sort of protective rampage. Could it be some heretofore untapped maternal instinct? Possible, but anyone who knows me would find it extremely unlikely, and I think it's kinda stupid. But on further thought, I think I've formulated a viable theory:
I have Latent Superhero Tendencies.
LSTs, my friends. I read Watchmen this weekend but I thought it was just a comic. Now I realize that Alan Moore (knows the score) was speaking to me personally. It's too late for me, but that doesn't mean I can't warn others, as one with LST would. Don't let this happen to you. Next time you feel like reading a comic book, turn on Fox news and get a taste of reality instead.
So what did we learn from this, boys and girls? Well, I now know that going to work on less than four hours of sleep makes me nauseous. And knowing it's half the battle.*
*Props to whoever gets this 80s cartoon reference.
Lulled in an almost catatonic state by the preamble that I failed to see the punch-line coming ... 
