Heartland

For those who don't know. I work in a hospice. Big god (without thinking) strikes again.........

Mate at work come on the ward looking quite ill.....

BIG GOB, "Oh you don't look well."
MATE, "I'm dying!"
BIG GOB, " Well, you're in the right place then....."

OOPS! And it didn't help that I continued to laugh as she stared at me all open gobbed and that!!!

No make me feel better..........Your stories please.........

The person I sit next to at work is an unmarried islamic lady, I just know that one day I'm gonna say something really bad.

Hasn't happened yet, even though I've tried to describe the joys of drinking to her.

I work for myself

It's just me here

I'm alone

No one to talk to

rian wrote:I work for myself

It's just me here

I'm alone

No one to talk to

You better not get accused of sexual harassemnt at the workplace?

As for work faux pas: I did not witness it, but someone at my work once saw someone looking for the toilet. "The men's room is down the hall," he said, not realizing that he was talking to a woman.

Petseri wrote:

rian wrote:I work for myself

It's just me here

I'm alone

No one to talk to

You better not get accused of sexual harassemnt at the workplace?

As for work faux pas: I did not witness it, but someone at my work once saw someone looking for the toilet. "The men's room is down the hall," he said, not realizing that he was talking to a woman.

Petseri wrote:As for work faux pas: I did not witness it, but someone at my work once saw someone looking for the toilet. "The men's room is down the hall," he said, not realizing that he was talking to a woman.

I've been pointed to the Girls room more tha once
its always fun when I turn around and I get to see the suprised look on there face

famous arse that was my previous line manager dropped one that made me want shrivel up:
Girl I used to work with (big lass) got pregnant, then also got a job in another department, we heard thru the grapevine she, sadly, miscarried. When she returned to work she popped into see the old crew to say thanks for the card flowers etc. Enter famous arse -
"Oh hello, how are you, you've lost weight!"

If I tell you he was the Council's head of PR, would that help?

faux pas - too many to mention

when i was about 14 i used to have an english teacher that was in her late 40s and absolutely stunnijng. she was an ex-model and every teenage boy's fantasy. i was quite a good pupil and we got on well.

after one lesson we were walking down the corridor away from the classrom and i was walking next to her and a little back, and we were chatting about something or other.

at this point i'll mention that i've always been one of those people that will crack a joke or make a smart-ass remark at the most inopportune moments. its like something in me weighs up the merits of saying something for the comic value against the potential for disaster and goes "what the hell!" and says it anyway...

so yeah, this divine 6ft 4 raven haired beauty english teacher is in mid-sentence when she drops a couple of books she is carrying.

she goes to pick them up, so i naturally take a step back and move to one side, to give her room as she bends to them up.

i found myself staring right into her backside. and still she was speaking...

before i could stop myself i blurt "miss! you said that without moving your lips!"

she never quite liked me the same after that

Eeew!
Crunch!

Mate of mine was in a band called Stoneheart (think of The Darkness and you won't be far off).
Before a gig in South London, he asked me if I wanted to play bass in his next band as he was splitting up Stoneheart that night. Took him up on his offer (formed The Servents Of Baphomet),
Unfortunately he failed to tell the other band members that this evening would be their last gig - So I walk up to the guitarist and ask him if he is sad that this is their last ever gig, well the look on his face and then the realisation that he never knew still haunts me today!
As for the new band, whilst working on a number entitled 'Keith Bennett', I realised that this was not for me!

Quiff Boy wrote: at this point i'll mention that i've always been one of those people that will crack a joke or make a smart-ass remark at the most inopportune moments. its like something in me weighs up the merits of saying something for the comic value against the potential for disaster and goes "what the hell!" and says it anyway...

Yep, been there, done that, got so many souvenir T-shirts I need a new wardrobe.

Like the time I was having a chortle with a ex-work colleague. Nice chap, Ken, approaching early retirement sort of age, and with a really dry sense of humour. Absolute spit of Barry Cryer too. The sort of bloke who could sustain an argument for, ooh aeons, so not exactly quiet and unopinionated.

However, he was also very proud of his Irish roots.

You can see that distant ship-smoke on the horizon now can't you

So...saying to someone like this: "you're the bastard son of Ian Paisley you are", Mary Whitehouse Experience stylee, is probably not a good idea. But it popped into my head, fully fledged, and begged to be said.

Speaking of t-shirts. My friend used to work for a funeral service. He had these night shifts when he didn't have to be at the funeral house all night, just had to be on stand-by and with his mobile phone at his side all the time and be ready to go to collect a corpse if only there was a call.
So one of these nights he was sleeping tight after a party when his phone rang and he was told to be on the spot as soon as possible. So he just grabbed his pants and whichever t-shirt first came in his hand, dressed up quickly without looking in the mirror and rushed downstairs still kind of half-asleep. After a few minutes they were at the dead person's house. My friend noticed the family were crying (which was a typical thing he was used to seeing), but he also noticed they were giving him strange looks. Only on his way back home did he realise he was wearing his "Love after death" T-shirt with a design of grinning skeletons in various sexual positions.

_emma_ wrote:Speaking of t-shirts. My friend used to work for a funeral service. He had these night shifts when he didn't have to be at the funeral house all night, just had to be on stand-by and with his mobile phone at his side all the time and be ready to go to collect a corpse if only there was a call.
So one of these nights he was sleeping tight after a party when his phone rang and he was told to be on the spot as soon as possible. So he just grabbed his pants and whichever t-shirt first came in his hand, dressed up quickly without looking in the mirror and rushed downstairs still kind of half-asleep. After a few minutes they were at the dead person's house. My friend noticed the family were crying (which was a typical thing he was used to seeing), but he also noticed they were giving him strange looks. Only on his way back home did he realise he was wearing his "Love after death" T-shirt with a design of grinning skeletons in various sexual positions.

indeed. The T-shirt plus a rather unconventional haircut he wore at that time, and the smell of alcohol...
Surely the family still think that all funeral service workers are sick weirdoes.

Quiff Boy wrote:she goes to pick them up, so i naturally take a step back and move to one side, to give her room as she bends to them up.

LOL, you gentleman! Much better sneaking a look at her arse rather than giving her a hand to pick them up Good work

DerekR wrote:

Quiff Boy wrote:she goes to pick them up, so i naturally take a step back and move to one side, to give her room as she bends to them up.

LOL, you gentleman! Much better sneaking a look at her arse rather than giving her a hand to pick them up Good work

rumbled

Once upon a time I worked for a charity which had given shelter to many a Greenham Common orphan. As a white male with no discernable signs of rebelliousness, I knew I was just an ill-considered remark away from the dole queue. Witness the panic in my boss' eyes as he panned the room having dropped "the [whoops, i did a racism] in the wood-pile" at a national meeting of right-on bright young things. He was lucky. They talked a good job, but their equal opportunities fell well short of the mark.