Heartland

Posted: **01 Feb 2005, 13:48**

Not particularly good ones, but here are some jokes about Mac Users:

Q: How do you make a Mac User's eyes sparkle?
A: Shine a flashlight in their ears.

A Mac user found a magic lamp with a Genie in it. The Genie said he wasn't as powerfull as other Genies and could only grant one wish. So the Mac User brought out a map of the Middle-East and asked the Genie if he could bring peace to the people there. The Genie said "Ah, you see, its hard to do that. Those people have been fighting for years. Its a religion thing, and about territory. Why as soon as they are teenagers, they go to war. Pick something else." So the Mac User said, "Ok, make MacOS 8.0 a pre-emptive multitasking system, that is crash-proof and stable, has support for multiple processors, and still has 100% compatibility with all the current MacOS apps." So the Genie shook his head and said, "Ah let me take a look at those maps again....."

Q: How does a single brain cell in a Mac User's head die?
A: Alone!

Q: What do you call a Mac User with two brain cells?
A: Either Gifted or Pregnant.

Q: What is the difference between a Mac User and a Terrorist?
A: You can negotiate with a terrorist.

Q: What do Mac Users use for birth control?
A: Their personalities!

Q: If you threw a Windows User and a Mac User off a cliff, who would get there first?
A: The Windows User, because the Mac User would have to stop and ask for directions!

Q: What is the difference between a Mac User and a Cobra?
A: One is deadly poisionous and the other is a reptile!

Posted: **01 Feb 2005, 16:44**

* Tumbleweed *

Due to absence of any Mac user vigilantes appearing to string up Hal, here's an old classic.

A Jelly Baby walks into a bar and starts talking to a Smartie.
After a few beers the Smartie says "Ere, a bunch of us are heading
to that new club, fancy tagging along?" The Jelly Baby says "No mate,
I'm a soft centre, I always end up getting my head kicked in."

So Smartie says "Don't worry about it, I'm a bit of a hard case, I'll look after you."

Jelly Baby thinks about it for a minute and says "Fair enough, as
long as you'll look after me", and off they go.

After a few more beers in the club, three Lockets walk in. As soon
as he sees them, Smartie hides under the table. The Lockets take one look at Jelly Baby
and start kicking him, breaking bottles over his little jelly head, lamping him with little sugary chairs,
and generally having a laugh.

After a while they get bored and walk out.

Jelly Baby pulls his battered Jelly Baby body over to the table and
wipes up his Jelly Baby blood and turns to Smartie and says "I
thought you were going to look after me."

"I was!" says Smartie, "But those Lockets are f**king menthol!"

Posted: **01 Feb 2005, 21:27**

1 more strike and yur oot JB!

250 miles away ma erse!

Posted: **02 Feb 2005, 10:57**

Erm.....I didn't laugh!!

Heartland

2005-02-01: Yay! Mac User Jokes!!!

2005-02-01: Yay! Mac User Jokes!!!