Heartland

Posted: **04 May 2005, 12:14**

Right, what is the story here? I want to give Mr Eldritch some money in return for an up to date tee shirt with a 21st century logo on it, but it seems he wilfully won't let me. Searching the net seems only to turn up dodgy knock offs of shirt designs that were naff in 1984 and are still naff today.

Odds are an ego this big can't resist reading about himself, so he's here somewhere - what are the odds of finally finishing that Reptile House site, now that the password has officially been found? With Paypal, you don't need anything else to get it going - just some artwork and a print shop - wouldn't you rather have my cash then see it go elsewhere? For gods sake, I may end up buying books or something . . .

Posted: **04 May 2005, 12:20**

Many have tried...

I think there's probably tumbleweed blowing through the HQ by now.

But if you have any success, LET US KNOW! We'll be onto them so fast...

Posted: **04 May 2005, 12:23**

buy stuff from here instead.

at least you will get a response

Posted: **04 May 2005, 12:24**

I shall.

It is quite strange really. It's a well known fact that merchandising can be one way a touring band can drive profits up without involving a record company, and let's face it, it's not like the sales on the new album can be going all that well, seeing as there isn't one.

What there is, is an occasional touring outfit that seems to regularly sell tee shirts at its gigs - so it's clearly not adverse to making money. Why not extend that to the website and generate ongoing income. Most people would probably pay fairly sizable prices for official product - I'd happily cough up â‚¬25 or â‚¬30 for a high quality shirt, for example, let alone novelty underpants, mousemats and mugs.

Posted: **04 May 2005, 12:30**

but in order to accept paypal von would have to make his email address public.

or at least an email address that works, and that he checks.

can you imagine the volume of utter s**t he'd get emailed?

Posted: **04 May 2005, 12:30**

Arrrgh! wrote:let's face it, it's not like the sales on the new album can be going all that well, seeing as there isn't one.

Posted: **04 May 2005, 12:31**

Arrrgh! wrote: novelty underpants

Polyester Y-fronts with 'Fcuk Me And Marry Me Young" emblazoned across the front? You could be onto a winner.

Posted: **04 May 2005, 12:33**

can you imagine the volume of utter s**t he'd get emailed?

What, at the same time as the cash he'd get? I think that most people would be happy to get up in the morning, and check an e-mail account to discover there is a few hundred quid waiting for you. In fact, most people would be so happy to receive this cash for little effort, they might not mind having to hit the delete button a few times.

I understand what you mean, but hey, it's not like he's Brittany Spears now, is he? Just how much s**t could he get?

Posted: **04 May 2005, 12:37**

Arrrgh! wrote:
can you imagine the volume of utter s**t he'd get emailed?
What, at the same time as the cash he'd get? I think that most people would be happy to get up in the morning, and check an e-mail account to discover there is a few hundred quid waiting for you. In fact, most people would be so happy to receive this cash for little effort, they might not mind having to hit the delete button a few times.

I understand what you mean, but hey, it's not like he's Brittany Spears now, is he? Just how much s**t could he get?

you'd be surprised.

i would imagine at least 100 emails a day from italy.

another 250 from sundry belgians.

a couple of dozen from the isle of man

and about a gazillion from leeds

Posted: **04 May 2005, 12:40**

Well, some sort of e-mail sorting web monkey would appear to be in order then, wouldn't it? A lackey whose sole purpose would be to cut and paste 'cease and desist' preformatted replies. Or even just a statement like the one that's already there on the site saying:

Don't bother - we don't care.

Anyway, I want a decent teeshirt, and you sir, do not appear to be on my side.

Posted: **04 May 2005, 12:44**

i do actually agree with you - and it would only take a couple of minutes to add a paypal form to the site.

its just that i happen to know how much crap mr marx gets sent... can you believe people actually post him records out of the blue asking him to sign them and send them back in the included SAE?!?

nah, if i were him i wouldnt put that kind of info about either, just knowing how fanatical some of the heartland lot are is scary enough.

but on the subject of email monkeys, i gather he already has a webmonkey doing something similar, and look how long stuff takes to get updated there

Posted: **04 May 2005, 12:54**

Quiff Boy wrote:

i do actually agree with you - and it would only take a couple of minutes to add a paypal form to the site.

its just that i happen to know how much crap mr marx gets sent... can you believe people actually post him records out of the blue asking him to sign them and send them back in the included SAE?!?

nah, if i were him i wouldnt put that kind of info about either, just knowing how fanatical some of the heartland lot are is scary enough.

but on the subject of email monkeys, i gather he already has a webmonkey doing something similar, and look how long stuff takes to get updated there

Depending on the mail server software they use it'd be pretty easy to knock up a filter that only accepts mail from certain domains and bounces/kills the rest. I'm sure I could knock one up for Exim quite quickly

Posted: **04 May 2005, 14:01**

Quiff Boy wrote:
its just that i happen to know how much crap mr marx gets sent... can you believe people actually post him records out of the blue asking him to sign them and send them back in the included SAE?!?

And by reputation he is far too nice to sign them & put them on ebay, which would serve them right..!

Posted: **04 May 2005, 14:05**

Loki wrote:
Arrrgh! wrote: novelty underpants
Polyester Y-fronts with 'Fcuk Me And Marry Me Young" emblazoned across the front? You could be onto a winner.

Nice. I know I'd be impressed.

Posted: **04 May 2005, 15:02**

Quiff Boy wrote:but in order to accept paypal von would have to make his email address public.

or at least an email address that works, and that he checks.

can you imagine the volume of utter s**t he'd get emailed?

I'm not sure that thats actually the case y'know.

Merchant account could be set up with an email address without an inbox, eg sendmecash@thesistersofmercy.com with a private email address eg andrew.w.h.taylor@gmail.com (for example) which would be used to notify him that cash had been sent.

I manage to keep ebay/paypal/personal emails totally separate and I'm pretty sure that

is not a bear of very little brain as far as this sort of thing goes....

Posted: **04 May 2005, 15:07**

Never been one for slogans on t-shirts or other clothes, myself. I go for 40s/50s clothes with a moody film noir look. And music that combines film noir with the 'spaghetti western' - like Stan Ridgway - or Eldritch circa the Black Planet, Dominion, or maybe even 1959, clips...

Posted: **04 May 2005, 15:46**

Sorry folks, but what on earth makes you believe, that

finds an interest to sit at home, fumble around with designs, print them in a local copy shop and send them out to you 10 people who want one??

How many bucks is he gonna make on that?

Either you do merch on a professional basis (ie. prof. printing, sell it on tour, in merch catalogues etc., which implies at least a few "helping hands")

or.you.just.let.it.

Posted: **04 May 2005, 16:37**

I gave up on the Reptile House.

I've got all the equipment, I'm going to make my own Sister of Mercy T,shirt.

Posted: **04 May 2005, 16:59**

I once got a t-shirt place in Birkenhead Market to print the Overbombing album cover onto a hoody for me, didn't look too bad compared to most commercial garb either.

Shame the Sisters aren't a hoody sort of band really.

Posted: **04 May 2005, 17:01**

Sorry folks, but what on earth makes you believe, that finds an interest to sit at home, fumble around with designs, print them in a local copy shop and send them out to you 10 people who want one??

Sure, that sounds like lots of hassle (but what does this guy actually do with his time anyway? what else has he got to do?)

But what if that 10 shirts was 100, or 1000, at â‚¬30 or â‚¬35 a shot (not uncommon for official merch). Production costs on high quality tee shirts at volume should reduce each unit cost to around â‚¬10. There are six gigs announced for this summer so far. How many tee shirts will they sell at this? Given the audience sizes, perhaps 1000 or 2000 in total?

1000 times â‚¬30 is â‚¬30,000, less expenses of around â‚¬10 each, yielding a profit margin for â‚¬20,000. That's a pretty good return on a day or so of actually work designing some graphics, e-mailing them to a printer used to the job, and then loading some boxes into trucks to bring on tour. Bear in mind that the trucks have to be loaded anyway. Throw a couple of quid to a roadie to stand out the front and the whole thing still makes sense.

(Although now that I think about it, do they have trucks? Do they even have their own lighting rig anymore? What about sound system? Seeing as there is no drummer or keyboards, the whole lot probably fits in his car!)

It's hard to say how many shirts they would sell online, seeing as there is no product to push or promote, but nostalgia alone should shift a couple of hundred a year you would think. It's money for old rope. He's actually lost a lot of cash over the last ten years by not being online when the world and their wife has been selling official merchandise. Think how many shirts he would have sold when people still thought of the band as a going concern?

Posted: **04 May 2005, 17:06**

he's got the shirts & other merch already, surely?

they print new shorts for each tour. and yes, they usually have mates manning the stalls at gigs selling them.

but where do the cardboard boxes live before & after each tour?

Posted: **04 May 2005, 17:11**

but where do the cardboard boxes live before & after each tour?

Presumably under the stairs or in a shed in the back garden. I can only assume that his eldritchness is independently wealthy, married well or has perpetrated some sort of scam on the german social welfare system, and doesn't actually need our cash. Sigh.

Posted: **04 May 2005, 18:13**

Well said Nick; I've done the same.

Incidentally...will I bear the brunt of Baxcorp wrath for stealing the logo and pasting it onto my own, independantly printed t-shirt?

Posted: **04 May 2005, 20:47**

Arrrgh! wrote:Sure, that sounds like lots of hassle (but what does this guy actually do with his time anyway? what else has he got to do?)

I can't imagine anyone having so little to do with their time that they wanted to produce a t-shirt simply for you to order and by.

Nothing personal, you understand.

Posted: **04 May 2005, 21:14**

Quiff Boy wrote:you'd be surprised.

i would imagine at least 100 emails a day from italy.

another 250 from sundry belgians.

a couple of dozen from the isle of man

and about a gazillion from leeds

You forgot Peru...

Heartland

All is quiet in the Reptile House?

All is quiet in the Reptile House?