Heartland

since you are such a diverse, intelligent and interesting lost,
I would like to pick your brains on the age old subject of.....
love and relationships.
(Particularly those on HL who are alittle older, and more mature
and have already met a partner, and are now in a long term
live-together relationship, or are married).........

was there a point when you decided they were the 'one' ?
did you just *know* that it was right to live together
and get married, or was it a difficult decision??
did love make the decision easy,
defining the path for you, or did you have to
think it over a whole lot??

Essentially - do you think the decision to live
with someone is easy WHEN you meet the right person,
or not?

answers on a postcard (from above the chemist) please...

Right. What you do is you join a message board, get picked on for a short while by someone who you told a person, let's say for instance Paddy here, that he was a bit of a tw*t. Get told that actually he wasn't. Pay more attention to his posts, find that they are actually quite funny. Then bother the hell out of said ex tw*t until he gives in and finally meets you. There you have it! Easy

you just know.
.....from my experience.
met the missus when i was 14.got married on my 18 birthday(no excuse for forgetting the anniversary) been together ever since.( 4 kids and 22 yrs of marriage cant be wrong)

@ Mrs Richey James and nigel d: you lucky bastards...

I had a wonderful relationship over 7 years, that ended at the very second I delivered him to the alcohol clinic...

Decided then that I'm better off alone.

But asking myself ever since, if alcoholism is
- a general minor Rockstardom disease.
- a natural charakter trait of scandinavians, I should have better accepted.
- at the end all my fault.

canon docre wrote:@ Mrs Richey James and nigel d: you lucky bastards...

I had a wonderful relationship over 7 years, that ended at the very second I delivered him to the alcohol clinic...

Decided then that I'm better off alone.

But asking myself ever since, if alcoholism is
- a general minor Rockstardom disease.
- a natural charakter trait of scandinavians, I should have better accepted.
- at the end all my fault.

Aha. I told you you sounded like you know very well.
Congratulations on your courage to move on. Seriously.
@Ocean Moves: I don't know. From my experience the only advice I can give to you is to stay away from it all. It's easier to stay away than to get away when things go wrong. But that's just my own experience, the world is sooo full of happily married couples that I must be wrong.

i thought i'ld met "the one" way back in '89.within a week we were living together;four years later bought a house together(actually the council were buying my half as they were mistakenly led to believe that i was the lodger and gave me housing benefit )another two years of bliss and assumed certainty of growing old together ...and then it all went wrong.she wanted to set up her own business,i wanted to take drugs and live in a tree...basically you never know with any certainty when two ideally matched people are gonna cease to be ideally matched.

now me and mrs whizzkid have seriouly split-up twice in the last four years-even to the extent of moving to opposite ends of the country.yet neither of us has ever doubted that we'ld be together forever!

if living with someone feels right for you OM go ferrit!you can always bury them under the patio at a later date!

You're asking the wrong guy here, my last long term relationship ended 14 years ago! We did the whole living together/engaged thing, then she buggered off dahn sahf with a bloke from her work She took the cat with her too, bitch!

She's since married, and divorced, twice

...oh, and the cat got run over, she never could look after it

... that brought tears to my eyes...

... not sure which kind...

I'm by no means the oldest here, that's for sure. But I will say -

"LOVE IS A MANY SPLINTERED THING".

... fuckin' ell.

And... you find it in the strangest places.

go to uni
talk to a friend of a friend
try and buy a drink and get snogged senseless
spend 24/7 together

let 18 years pass..

all my relationships end in flames

Emma wrote:

Aha. I told you you sounded like you know very well. Congratulations on your courage to move on. Seriously.

Yes. I know a hell lot about leaving, would like to know more about staying, though.

BTW, Emma, did you get your things sorted yet?
Remember: The love to yourself should always be bigger than the love to somebody else.

(I wish I could help you more, than just give smart aleck (voc?) advices. )

Mrs RicheyJames wrote:What you do is you join a message board

sounds like a great idea to meet that special someone

boudicca wrote: And... you find it in the strangest places.

erm....eastern Europe somewhere?

Almost exactly the same as emily - bumped into bloke at uni (almost literally) decided he looked nice - stalked him - been together 19 years and married for almost 14.

I knew straight away but he took some persuading - he was still sowing his oats

But I also know that it is different in each and every case - so go with how you feel

I've been married for 13 years, we knew each other at school, but I was a nerd and had to stalk her until I grew up enough to be noticed.
We never talked about getting married, we just knew

Ocean Moves wrote:was there a point when you decided they were the 'one' ?
did you just *know* that it was right to live together
and get married, or was it a difficult decision??
did love make the decision easy,
defining the path for you, or did you have to
think it over a whole lot??

Essentially - do you think the decision to live
with someone is easy WHEN you meet the right person,
or not?

answers on a postcard (from above the chemist) please...

Been there, done that, bought the t-shirt - and then broke up with "the one" after 7.5 years together (5+ years of living together), for a variety of reasons, none of which I'll delve into at this juncture, sorry...

the simple things in life win for me




she had a tidy mind

If you're looking forward to staying up late listening to Patsy Cline and talking about soft furnishings/ dead-heading/ her friends relationships then go for it. If you're expecting regular sex, don't.

Francis wrote:If you're looking forward to staying up late listening to Patsy Cline and talking about soft furnishings/ dead-heading/ her friends relationships then go for it. If you're expecting regular sex, don't.

Wow. I guess I'm not a REAL girlie, then, because I never, ever did that to the ex. As a matter of fact, I ended up playing second-fiddle to his video-gaming habits. Incidentally, I was oh-so willing to provide regular sex - too bad HE wasn't interested... F*ck it.

I never had you down as a REAL girlie. And I don't do computer games either.

Francis wrote:I never had you down as a REAL girlie. And I don't do computer games either.

I like you already.

Pucker-up, honey.

@Ocean Moves: I don't know. From my experience the only advice I can give to you is to stay away from it all. It's easier to stay away than to get away when things go wrong. But that's just my own experience, the world is sooo full of happily married couples that I must be wrong.

@Emma:
"A ship in the harbour is safe, but that's not what ships were built for"

SINsister wrote: I ended up playing second-fiddle to his video-gaming habits. Incidentally, I was oh-so willing to provide regular sex - too bad HE wasn't interested... F*ck it.

Isn't that how all relationships end up?? I think women need hobbies too and not be around when the fella is sick of the puter and/or have decided that they're ready for a bit of rudeness... That'll learn em.....






....Or Not!

Hmm. Video game negotiations continue in the MrChris house. We've now reached a kind of row-free equilibrium at three one-hour slots per week. Plus when she's out of the house! This seems to work, in the sense that I don't have that ringing sound in my ears any more. And no bumps on my head.