Tourists

Does exactly what it says on the tin. Some of the nonsense contained herein may be very loosely related to The Sisters of Mercy, but I wouldn't bet your PayPal account on it. In keeping with the internet's general theme nothing written here should be taken as Gospel: over three quarters of it is utter gibberish, and most of the forum's denizens haven't spoken to another human being face-to-face for decades. Don't worry your pretty little heads about it. Above all else, remember this: You don't have to stay forever. I will understand.
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CorpPunk
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No matter where I go, I never consider myself a tourist. I am unfailingly suave in that regard. Or in denial. They both work for me.

Having spent a long weekend in New Orleans, the city of Unreasonable Expectations, I am somewhat dismayed by the hoards of tourists who invade it year round. On Friday, while bookin' down Bourbon Street at breakneck speed on the back of a bicycle, weaving in and out of traffic and drunken frat boys, the sickly sweet smell of vomit and garbage wafted to my nose and I thought, "This place must suck for the people who live here."

Mainly this revelation harkens back to the night before, when I visited the Bywater with a local friend to see trombone-playing legend Kermit Ruffins. Kermit didn't show, but the drunken tourists did, complete with strings of flashing beads weighting their necks. Even though it is so far out of carnival season it's not even funny, and even though they were hanging around, impaired, in one of the most dangerous neighborhoods in N.O. proper. They might as well have had "Mug Me" tattooed on their foreheads, and bulging money clips pinned to their shirts. That, as opposed to wearing carnival beads, would have left some of the mystery.

My friend and I had eaten, danced, and were sitting outside where it was cooler, when we were approached by a couple of lawyers or investment bankers or sumpin'. Of course they were wearing beads, and of course they thought that, because they were in New Orleans, any chick who happened to not be tied down already would go back to their hotel for even more Unreasonable Expectations--even a nice girl like me! Just one precarious step above sex tourism, methinks. I don't know...maybe it was the heat, maybe it was their unattractiveness, maybe it was the way the light glinted off the one man's wedding ring as he tried to stroke my arm with the other hand, but we just weren't taking the bait. At which point, being the astute lawyers/hedge funders/mop salesmen they were, they assumed we were gay.

It's because I have short hair, isn't it?
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aims
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Nah.

I have long hair and people still think I'm gay. Moreso for it, in fact ;)
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Francis
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CorpPunk wrote:It's because I have short hair, isn't it?
No. It's the dungarees and Doc Martens. :wink:
And you know that she's half crazy but that's why you want to be there.
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boudicca
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When in Rome....

...do as the Glaswegians do! :lol: :P
There's a man with a mullet going mad with a mallet in Millets
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CorpPunk
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Francis wrote:
CorpPunk wrote:It's because I have short hair, isn't it?
No. It's the dungarees and Doc Martens. :wink:
Oo you bitch! I'll scratch yer eyes out! :lol:

Apparel-wise, I was faultless in sportin' the Pumas. Very heterosexual, I am told.

Of course, like a good lesbian I chose them for their comfort and practicality, rather than their gentle beauty...
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CorpPunk
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I would just like to point out, for the sake of Johnny M, that the original post on this thread is 360--not 800--words, and that reaching the end is really a very rewarding experience. Karmically and otherwise.

One day my verbosity will make me famous, and you will be sorry. :cry:
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straylight
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For some men, the definition of a gay woman is one who won't sleep with them...

Such men are invariably very unattractive in one way or another, so consequently they believe 99% of women are gay(as the problem couldn't be them, could it?)
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Dark
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Base it on the person, not the gender, I guess.
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pikkrong
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Talking about tourists... Drunken Finnish tourists in Tallinn have one very serious rival now, want you guess - who? :innocent:
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rian
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pikkrong wrote:Talking about tourists... Drunken Finnish tourists in Tallinn have one very serious rival now, want you guess - who? :innocent:
Drunken swedes?

;D
I think someone set my soul alight
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F--kwit
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oh, and there was me thinking this was going to be a thread about people popping in from Wishville to be generaly voyeuristic now Mik's stuck a link up. never mind eh. Well, that'll be my one post of the season then - see you in the autumn...
You ain't seen me, right?
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pikkrong
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rian wrote:
pikkrong wrote:Talking about tourists... Drunken Finnish tourists in Tallinn have one very serious rival now, want you guess - who? :innocent:
Drunken swedes?

;D
No. They don't make as big noise as our Finno-Ugric relatives nor behave in bars as... No one wants to guess who? ;D
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timsinister
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Motz wrote:I have long hair and people still think I'm gay. Moreso for it, in fact
Snap. Sucks, don't it?
boudicca wrote:...do as the Glaswegians do!
Drink all the booze, ravish all the women, and burn the place to the ground?

Welcome back CorpPunk, glad to see you weren't taken advantage off. See Sergeant 'Knacker Masher' Boudicca for some Self-Defence Courses.
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rian
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pikkrong wrote:
rian wrote:
pikkrong wrote:Talking about tourists... Drunken Finnish tourists in Tallinn have one very serious rival now, want you guess - who? :innocent:
Drunken swedes?

;D
No. They don't make as big noise as our Finno-Ugric relatives nor behave in bars as... No one wants to guess who? ;D


Is it you? :eek:
I think someone set my soul alight
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boudicca
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timsinister wrote:
Motz wrote:I have long hair and people still think I'm gay. Moreso for it, in fact
Snap. Sucks, don't it?
Long hair does not a gayboy make. Are you sure you don't just have a camp manner? :innocent: *ducks*
timsinister wrote:
boudicca wrote:...do as the Glaswegians do!
Drink all the booze, ravish all the women, and burn the place to the ground?
I generally leave the women alone. And the booze for that matter.
Tennents lager really isn't a patch on the old "green fairy". :wink:
Oh we're back to gayness again... :lol:
boudicca wrote: See Sergeant 'Knacker Masher' Boudicca for some Self-Defence Courses.
:lol: :notworthy: :kiss: :notworthy: :lol:

When I go overbomber I might just get that under my name... ;D
Last edited by boudicca on 13 Jun 2005, 14:21, edited 2 times in total.
There's a man with a mullet going mad with a mallet in Millets
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boudicca
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rian wrote:
pikkrong wrote:
No. They don't make as big noise as our Finno-Ugric relatives nor behave in bars as... No one wants to guess who? ;D
Is it you? :eek:
The man is pickled in brandy. :P :innocent:
There's a man with a mullet going mad with a mallet in Millets
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aims
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boudicca wrote:Long hair does not a gayboy make. Are you sure you don't just have a camp manner? :innocent: *ducks*
I suppose the shameless flirting with other males doesn't help. Might it be that? :lol:
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timsinister
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Damn Motz, you're letting down the We Aren't Gay, Really! side. Honestly...

Boudicca, it's a pleasure and an honour. All I ask in return is to keep your toecaps away from my equipment!
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aims
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timsinister wrote:Damn Motz, you're letting down the We Aren't Gay, Really! side. Honestly...
Oops. :oops:

*stands calm, collected and completely un-gay :von:*

That better? ;D
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andymackem
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Knacker-masher? What did I miss?

She always seemed like such a playful little thing :innocent:
Names are just a souvenir ...
Russian footie in the run-up to the World Cup - my latest E-book available from https://www.amazon.co.uk/dp/B07DGJFF6G
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boudicca
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timsinister wrote:Boudicca, it's a pleasure and an honour. All I ask in return is to keep your toecaps away from my equipment!
I don't use my boots, I favour the "cheese-grater" approach... :twisted: :innocent:

mwhahahahahahahaaa!
There's a man with a mullet going mad with a mallet in Millets
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Dark
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Motz wrote:
boudicca wrote:Long hair does not a gayboy make. Are you sure you don't just have a camp manner? :innocent: *ducks*
I suppose the shameless flirting with other males doesn't help. Might it be that? :lol:
-removed-
Last edited by Dark on 13 Jun 2005, 18:53, edited 1 time in total.
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boudicca
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Dark wrote:
Shameless flirting with males is a good thing. Even if I don't have long hair. :lol:
:urff: Pourquoi? :?:
There's a man with a mullet going mad with a mallet in Millets
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Dark
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boudicca wrote:
Dark wrote:
Shameless flirting with males is a good thing. Even if I don't have long hair. :lol:
:urff: Pourquoi? :?:
Pourquoi pas? :roll:
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boudicca
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Dark wrote:
boudicca wrote:
Dark wrote:
Shameless flirting with males is a good thing. Even if I don't have long hair. :lol:
:urff: Pourquoi? :?:
Pourquoi pas? :roll:
'Cos you're not gay, I think would be the obvious response.

Having said that, I suppose you're still at an age where you're "discovering who you are"... :P :lol: :innocent:
There's a man with a mullet going mad with a mallet in Millets
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