Heartland

My brother's getting married in October, and I just had my first fitting for my Best Man's dress (chosen by the bride). Frankly, I looked like Strawberry Shortcake's arch nemesis. This experience has traumatized me into never participating in another wedding, including my own. I looked in the mirror with that dress on and I wanted to die.



Imagine this in green, and don't let that expression of joy fool you. She is dying inside.

"Best Man's dress"



you got some serious meringue s**t going on there

CorpPunk wrote:My brother's getting married in October, and I just had my first fitting for my Best Man's dress (chosen by the bride).

I always thought you were a girl...

In which case I hope you're a girl....

That 'Best Man' tag could be a tad misleading if you catch my drift. If I were you I'd have a quiet word with my brother and tell him that you're uncomforatble with the outfit thats been chosen for you. I know its not unusual that the bride doesn't want to be upstaged by anyone on her big day but the outfit you've described sound particularly vindictive. Does't she like you at all?

Like I say; have a word with your brother and ask whether he'd mind if you wore something else - something more comfortable for you but still appropriate to the occasion, i.e. no space cadet / cyber punk outfits . My mates best 'man' was a girl and she wore the same style morning suit as he did, and whilst it looked a bit Artful Dodger I'm sure it was giving a lot of ex-public schoolboys a hard time if you catch my drift!

At the end of the day, you're there to do a job for them and if you're unhappy it'll end up spoiling it for them.

Actually, Mik, my brother originally wanted me to wear a suit (which I was all for), but all the ladies involved were horrified by the idea. We finally gave in, cos it seemed a needless point of contention to me. The dress probably isn't that bad, but in the fluorescent lights of the fitting room the color kinda looked like puke, and I was taken aback by how voluminous the skirt bit is. And unless I decide to crash some high school proms I can never wear it again, even though it costs more that my whole wardrobe put together. The happy couple are so not getting a gift from me.

But I'm in two weddings this year, and I am thoroughly traumatized by the whole ordeal of weddings. If, when I turn thirty-five and go insane with hormones, I agree to marry anyone, there will be no guests. No groomsmen, no bridesmaids, no family members to say nasty things and f**k everything up, no ugly-ass dresses, no shoes dyed to match, no showers, no flowers, no $800 invitations, no church, no minister of precise provenance, no hats, no seventies love songs, and no chicken or fish. I'm still deciding whether the groom will be allowed.

Yes, I'm a girl btw. I am the Head Chick.

CorpPunk wrote: If, when I turn thirty-five and go insane with hormones, I agree to marry anyone, there will be no guests. No groomsmen, no bridesmaids, no family members to say nasty things and f**k everything up, no ugly-ass dresses, no shoes dyed to match, no showers, no flowers, no $800 invitations, no church, no minister of precise provenance, no hats, no seventies love songs, and no chicken or fish. I'm still deciding whether the groom will be allowed.

Yes, I'm a girl btw. I am the Head Chick.

Sounds like a wedding I would like to have

CorpPunk wrote:I agree to marry anyone

I asked you once in open forum and you didn't even have the decency to respond. Ok, maybe the grey chest hair wasn't as erotically enticing as I thought but I had plucked prior to popping the question. Credit where credit's due.

CorpPunk wrote:Yes, I'm a girl btw. I am the Head Chick.

Yes, you are indeed a girl. I downloaded the Gallery pictures to prove it. I was that pervert. But to me, as you do my head in on a constant basis, you will always be affectionately known, as a head-f*ck.

I am a man of few words today. Mainly because you've used up HL's quota for the day. Again.

rian wrote:

CorpPunk wrote: If, when I turn thirty-five and go insane with hormones, I agree to marry anyone, there will be no guests. No groomsmen, no bridesmaids, no family members to say nasty things and f**k everything up, no ugly-ass dresses, no shoes dyed to match, no showers, no flowers, no $800 invitations, no church, no minister of precise provenance, no hats, no seventies love songs, and no chicken or fish. I'm still deciding whether the groom will be allowed.

Yes, I'm a girl btw. I am the Head Chick.

Sounds like a wedding I would like to have

its the wedding i DID have.

I've always wanted to be "best man" like Slash in the "November Rain" video...

"Here's yer ring"... then I walk out of the church (which is massive inside but once he steps outside it's tiny and he's wearing a different outfit) and play a lengthy geetar solo!

If I can stand on top of a piano later on that would be a bonus.

boudicca wrote:I've always wanted to be "best man" like Slash in the "November Rain" video...

"Here's yer ring"... then I walk out of the church (which is massive inside but once he steps outside it's tiny and he's wearing a different outfit) and play a lengthy geetar solo!

If I can stand on top of a piano later on that would be a bonus.

Yep, if it's got to happen, that's the way to do it. Mind you, tardis-churches could have any number of uses.

But of course, I'd urge Ms Punk never ever even to dream about it, raging hormones or not. Just don't. Ever.

FFS Dave wrote:But of course, I'd urge Ms Punk never ever even to dream about it, raging hormones or not. Just don't. Ever.

I'll tell ya, Dave, I don't dream of it so much as fear it. But I hate saying never, cos then I look like an idiot when I'm proved wrong.

@Johnny: Will you ever forgive me? I must respectfully decline your proposal of marriage, on the grounds that you are a perv. And you think I write too much. I don't know which is worse.

do it topless

yes, I'm feeling better thanks

Johnny M wrote:I downloaded the Gallery pictures to prove it.

Nope, that was me, and they were for my dartboard!

CorpPunk wrote:
@Johnny: you are a perv.

<sigh>
Yeh, I’ll concede defeat. You’re right. I’m a perv. Nothing like humiliation in open forum.

PS: Thank f*ck you never asked for the photos back. If remember correctly, I was feeling geeky that day (but names are spared to protect the innocent) and from memory it was a swift download into PhotoShop and a cut n Paste from www.yankieknaves.com. The finished ‘photo shoot’ was emailed off to Readers Wives (it’s a UK thang) and I waited with baited breath. C’mon, you were looking ‘rough’ in those photos but you did make the over 40’s category.

£250 for old rope. Literally.

I can’t return the photos but I can let you have my dog-eared copy of the jazz mag you unwittingly featured in. Surprisingly enough, your photo spread is the only pages that aren’t stuck together. Fancy that. And as for you featuring on a Glasgow dartboard … even I will shy away from that punch line in open forum.

PPS: Has the Postman Knocked Once yet? Never mind twice? On his way to McDonalds with a far away expression in his eyes..?

For all you folks who may think that me and Corpy hate each other with a vengeance. Don’t worry. We do.

CorpPunk wrote:Actually, Mik, my brother originally wanted me to wear a suit (which I was all for), but all the ladies involved were horrified by the idea. We finally gave in, cos it seemed a needless point of contention to me. The dress probably isn't that bad, but in the fluorescent lights of the fitting room the color kinda looked like puke, and I was taken aback by how voluminous the skirt bit is. And unless I decide to crash some high school proms I can never wear it again, even though it costs more that my whole wardrobe put together. The happy couple are so not getting a gift from me.

But I'm in two weddings this year, and I am thoroughly traumatized by the whole ordeal of weddings. If, when I turn thirty-five and go insane with hormones, I agree to marry anyone, there will be no guests. No groomsmen, no bridesmaids, no family members to say nasty things and f**k everything up, no ugly-ass dresses, no shoes dyed to match, no showers, no flowers, no $800 invitations, no church, no minister of precise provenance, no hats, no seventies love songs, and no chicken or fish. I'm still deciding whether the groom will be allowed.

Yes, I'm a girl btw. I am the Head Chick.

Just the kind of wedding mrs scotty and I had,got married on the thursday,never told any family 'till the sunday! ,done the whole thing for about £300!just us and bestman+partner,bridesmaid+partner,it was great!

whaur wiz the bevvy sesh? ah mean three hunner quid FFS!

what the feck is all this marriage talk...


Pffft...won't be doing that again anytime soon!

allas seemed like a nice idea but a mindfeck of financial griefsville hell,when it all goes Pete (as they do)
I'm clean, unscarred even, though Manchester has so much to answer for

James Blast wrote:whaur wiz the bevvy sesh? ah mean three h
hunner quid FFS!

65 quid for marrige licence,best man baught the meal,bridesmaid paid for the hotel rooms,as wedding presents .the rest,straight to the wallet of messers smirnof and tennents!

so two hunner on the drink, no bad
ah'm impressed

I'm planning on 'not' getting married.

The only thing a relationship leads to is desipramine.

That'll do nicely, aye!

CorpPunk - You're wearing it, so you make the damn decision. Tell 'em to stick it if you so desire.

As for my marriage - I stubbornly hold on to the hope of a proper, traditional wedding. I just have no idea how to politely sidestep my family due to their incessant madness.

i've always been dead against marriage.i dont do religion,and i'm no fan of the state,so i point blank refuse to do it in any legal binding way.my missus though would love to get married someday as a public proclamation of commitment and all that.fair enough,but i aint into any hippy brush-jumping either so until she can think of some sort of significant ceremony thats none of the above i'll be staying "single".

Johnny you rat bastard. I insist on a large percentage of the profits. Before you even think about refusing, know that I finally did receive a package from the postman yesterday*, and I now know where you live.



*And it took eight days. What's up with that?

Sibling's weddings are just a cunning ploy that begins the day you're born to make you wear the most mindfuckingly vile outfits ever seen.
Oh, and NEVER tell your sister you're not going to her wedding because you'd rather see the damned... hell hath no fury like a bride that doesn't like punk rock.