Heartland

Well, actually, no I don't. So, in preparation for next weekend, could some kind soul tell me how to say:

- Please.
- Thankyou.
- Two pints of lager and a packet of crisps.
- Where are the toilets?
- What time does the bar shut?
- Bollocks. I've left my passport at the hotel.
- No. I'd rather not be subjected to a full body search if you don't mind.
- Johan Cruyff was a footballing genius.
- Where's the airport?

Any other useful words and phrases are most welcome. Tips on accurate pronunciation would help as well. Along with what colours not to wear in Tilburg.

Bedankt.

Come, come. You're forgetting the rules. All foreigners speak perfect English, if only they could be bothered to try.

Just say what you want slowly and clearly, and if that doesn't work give Johnny Foreigner a sharp clip around the earhole to make him see reason.

If you pop to the passport office and pick up your 'UK Passport: The Imperialists' Cut' edition you'll have no problems

It's for their own good, after all.

I believe that that's "Spreekt U het Nederlands?".

In lieu of the listed phrases, "Spreekt U het Engels?" (I think you can work that one out), should do for the purpose of expressing that you're not such a cunning linguist after all.

Come to think of it, I should brush up on my Dutch too, since "Are you gay?" and the slang for "blowjob" are not useful phrases outside of the schoolyard

*rummages around to find Dutch textbook*

Yes, I have one. No, you can't laugh.

Edit:

Found it.

Please - Alstublieft / Alsjeblieft
Thankyou - Danken / Bedanken

If you don't mind dirty looks, you can just fill in the rest with German

Francis wrote:Well, actually, no I don't. So, in preparation for next weekend, could some kind soul tell me how to say:

- Please. Alstublieft
- Thankyou. Dankje
- Two pints of lager and a packet of crisps. Twee biertjes en een pakje chips
- Where are the toilets? Waar zijn de toiletten?
- What time does the bar shut? Hoe laat gaat de bar dicht?
- Bollocks. I've left my passport at the hotel. Onzin! Mijn paspoort ligt in het hotel!
- No. I'd rather not be subjected to a full body search if you don't mind. Nee, ik word liever niet gefouilleerd als dat hetzelfde is voor u
- Johan Cruyff was a footballing genius. Johan Cruyff was een voetbalgenie
- Where's the airport? Waar is de luchthaven?

Any other useful words and phrases are most welcome. Tips on accurate pronunciation would help as well. Along with what colours not to wear in Tilburg.

Bedankt.

I'll do the pronunciation tips later today

And the title of this tread should be Spreek je Nederlands (not het, motz )

Motz wrote:Please - Alstublieft / Alsjeblieft

Klopt

Thankyou - Danken / Bedanken

Klopt niet, thats the verb, should be Dank U/Dank je

Motz wrote:"Are you gay?"

Ben je homofiel?

"blowjob"

Pijpbeurt...



And don't do german, rather try English if you please

Heartland: International Resource of Filth?

Let me see, pronunciation tips...
I'll do some English/Dutch comparisons as I a) don't have a clue how to type in those funky special letters for pronunciation b) that'd be the easiest thing for most of you, I guess

ie (alstublieft=please): double e in English (Beer-Bier)
ch (lucht=air): J in Javier in Spanish (chips is pronounced as in English though)
a (haven=port): a in father (just stretch it when double)
ee (meer=more): a from grave
Don't pronounce the r like in English but let it roll over the tip of your tongue

Can't think of any examples for other stuff, someone an idea for the dutch U-sound

Ja! I speak German! Badly.

As Andy Mack suggested, I can still remember when a third of the world map was coloured pink so I suggest everyone speaks the Queen's English and we'll have none of this foreign gibberish.

Though I am partial to a regular dose of Germanic gutteral purrings ...allegedly.

Dutch is, quite simply, the greatest language on God's green earth.

Or should I say, Gooeds grijn eerthe...

*waits for rotten tomatoes to be hurled by the low countries contingent*

Maybe I should learn to actually read the title of a thread before posting on it ...

* wanders off into the sunset sans dressing gown *

boudicca wrote:Dutch is, quite simply, the greatest language on God's green earth.

Daar kun je zeker van zijn

Happen to master it quite good

boudicca wrote:Or should I say, Gooeds grijn eerthe...

*waits for rotten tomatoes to be hurled by the low countries contingent*

Gods groene aarde indeed

*smijt rotte tomaat over het kanaal*

I wish I could speak German, I'm still trying to learn Latin.

Ich kann ein bischen Deutsch sprechen, aber ich weiss Latin nicht.

Correct the grammar and die -.-

Obviousman wrote: Gods groene aarde indeed

*smijt rotte tomaat over het kanaal*

*looks embarrassed, raises an Edam Cheese Of Friendship and says... Dank U*



I can count to five...

In Dutch that is...

Before some smart alec comes in...

nick the stripper wrote:I wish I could speak German, I'm still trying to learn Latin.

Well Latin will be very useful in later life, won't it? ...unless you meet the Pope.

boudicca wrote:*looks embarrassed, raises an Edam Cheese Of Friendship and says... Dank U*



I can count to five...

Yikes, I'd rather eat rotten tomatoes than Edam, it's as tasteless as eating a slice of leather

And do me a pleasure and count to five, if you please

Johnny M wrote:

nick the stripper wrote:I wish I could speak German, I'm still trying to learn Latin.

Well Latin will be very useful in later life, won't it? ...unless you meet the Pope.

Yep. I chose Latin as my first language to learn because I heard it's the most useful language to know if you want to get into linguistics, which I do.

Obviousman wrote:And do me a pleasure and count to five, if you please

I did it.

Can't spell it though...

There is no smiley for deep shame.

nick the stripper wrote:Yep. I chose Latin as my first language to learn because I heard it's the most useful language to know if you want to get into linguistics, which I do.

Are you a cunning... Oh I won't even bother...

boudicca wrote:

Obviousman wrote:And do me a pleasure and count to five, if you please

I did it.

Can't spell it though...

There is no smiley for deep shame.

Well, write it down as it seems to sound to you then, always nice to see a foreigner do that

(I'll correct it and promise I won't laugh )

nick the stripper wrote:

Johnny M wrote:

nick the stripper wrote:I wish I could speak German, I'm still trying to learn Latin.

Well Latin will be very useful in later life, won't it? ...unless you meet the Pope.

Yep. I chose Latin as my first language to learn because I heard it's the most useful language to know if you want to get into linguistics, which I do.

Fair comment.

Obviousman wrote:Well, write it down as it seems to sound to you then, always nice to see a foreigner do that

(I'll correct it and promise I won't laugh )

Ok...

[idiot]Een, twa, dree, veer, fijv...[/idiot]

Take yer best shot...

boudicca wrote:

Obviousman wrote:Well, write it down as it seems to sound to you then, always nice to see a foreigner do that

(I'll correct it and promise I won't laugh )

Ok...

[idiot]Een, twa, dree, veer, fijv...[/idiot]

Take yer best shot...

da klinkt bekan zoersels