Heartland

.....they're bloody every where.. or is it just me?


I'm not afraid of them or anything but the other night, before I went to kip, I noticed a huge Daddy Long Legs on my bed side cabinet. The missus started winding me up, saying it would crawl in my ears and up my nose laying eggs. They don't lay eggs though do they?

There is a thread to your answers dude.... like your mrs. by the way....or her way of thinking....and when those eggs hatch and the tiny little buggers start crawling out onto your skin..

Good luck!

MB

MadameButterfly wrote: There is a thread to your answers dude.... like your mrs. by the way....or her way of thinking....and when those eggs hatch and the tiny little buggers start crawling out onto your skin..

Good luck!

MB

Thanks for the reply MadameButterfly, my house is infested, it would have been reassuring to hear that others are in the same boat.

I had literally five of the bastards flying around my television in the lounge last night, they really s**t me up, especially when they get close and you can hear them buzzing. I took them all out one-by-one by throwing cushions at them. I refuse to pick the cushions up now.

They lay their eggs in stagnant water IIRC (like mosquitos) so no, I think your ears and nose are pretty safe.

Unless you lie still for a very very long time.

*Edit: oh, and hello and welcome. Good first post!

Cromwell wrote:.....they're bloody every where.. or is it just me?

I'm not afraid of them

markfiend is

markfiend wrote:They lay their eggs in stagnant water IIRC (like mosquitos) so no, I think your ears and nose are pretty safe.

Unless you lie still for a very very long time.

*Edit: oh, and hello and welcome. Good first post!

Ooooo get a load of you David Bellamy.

Thanks for the welcome by the way.

David Bellamy? Nah, Mark's got less beard, but more bluster.

Errrrmmmm thanks. I think.

Eat a spider. Just as a precaution like

I'm good at killing big fat Bluebottles. I'm quite acurate with a tea towell.

Note: Bluebottles are seriously hard. Most times you whack them they're merely stunned. They will get up and fly off unless you splatter them.

In my opinion if Bluebottles are buzzing to loud or landing on food or kitchen utensils then they need to be sorted, it is amazing how they can easily brush off a full on newspaper volley with ease though. Lynx deodorant does them though, no problem however.

I hate it when i'm sitting there, nicely toasted, and some huge beast comes running out from under the sofa to the other side of the room, it freaks me right out, if they're on the wall, fine, along the floor, your dead pal if you don’t make it under the stereo in time.

I used to have a spider in the toilet that would pop out from under a skirting board every time I took a p*ss, he'd sit there and then pop back once I flushed, I called him Neil.

Cromwell wrote:
I used to have a spider in the toilet that would pop out from under a skirting board every time I took a p*ss, he'd sit there and then pop back once I flushed, I called him Neil.

Great name for a dirty little insect!!

Cromwell wrote: I used to have a spider in the toilet that would pop out from under a skirting board every time I took a p*ss, he'd sit there and then pop back once I flushed, I called him Neil.

I call mine 'splashy'

Cromwell wrote:I'm good at killing big fat Bluebottles. I'm quite acurate with a tea towell.

Note: Bluebottles are seriously hard. Most times you whack them they're merely stunned. They will get up and fly off unless you splatter them.

In my opinion if Bluebottles are buzzing to loud or landing on food or kitchen utensils then they need to be sorted, it is amazing how they can easily brush off a full on newspaper volley with ease though. Lynx deodorant does them though, no problem however.

Bluebottles I know swim in the sea, a jelly-fish kind, that sting with their long blue tails hence the name. I have been stung by them on a few occasions and it burns like hell
Now I also know an insect called a "Parktown Prawn" .....these things look like a huge grasshopper, are a deep redish-brown and have a face that looks evil....don't die easily and spray black stinky stuff as a defence. Come out only at night after it has rained and one insect that gives me sweaty palms.....

MB (seriously)

What about squirrels. There seems to be an unusually large amount of grey squirrels mooching about this year, i've seen s**t loads all around North Manchester.

Whilst driving around yesterday however, I seem to have noticed an unusually large number of dead grey squirrels on the roads. Now this could be for one of several reasons;

They are slowing down and can't avoid traffic

Drivers are aiming for them

Someone or something is killing them and dumping them on the roads

Or perhaps its the same squirrel being moved around different areas


So has anyone else noticed this phenomenon ?

Bluebottles I know swim in the sea, a jelly-fish kind, that sting with their long blue tails hence the name. I have been stung by them on a few occasions and it burns like hell
Now I also know an insect called a "Parktown Prawn" .....these things look like a huge grasshopper, are a deep redish-brown and have a face that looks evil....don't die easily and spray black stinky stuff as a defence. Come out only at night after it has rained and one insect that gives me sweaty palms.....

MadameButterfly there are those who say that you should be benevolent to all living creatures just in case there is something to all this re-incarnation bollocks.

Just imagine and you could end up returning as a "Parktown Prawn" and i could come back as a daddy long legs.

In all honesty though i've seen more Daddy long legs this week than in my entire life, infact one of the abominable bastards has just chased me down the stairs.

Cromwell wrote: MadameButterfly there are those who say that you should be benevolent to all living creatures just in case there is something to all this re-incarnation bollocks.

Excuse me? I was not in the slightest referring to incarnation of any kind!
Anyway good luck with the spiders.

Cromwell wrote: I used to have a spider in the toilet that would pop out from under a skirting board every time I took a p*ss, he'd sit there and then pop back once I flushed, I called him Neil.

and what happened to Neil...in the end?

Reminds me of one time after what can only be described as a "chemically fuelled" weekend..

I was out of it only to be woken by the girlfriend at the time at about 2am and told there was a spider on the wall..

Now, she lived in the basement of a buidling in london and her room looked onto the back garden, so I was used to spiders dropping in..

but I swear to god, it was the biggest spider i have ever seen in my life, it was bigger than my hand and thick with it.. (i'm glove size 8.5/9for your info..)

It had crawled out from some airshaft in the room and decided walk across the wall..

Somehow I managed to gather myself together after staring in shock at it for about five minutes - the chemicals still in my system made it look like it was stretching even more - and turned round to pick up a newspaper to enter into combat with the beast..

only to find..

yup, it had vanished.

If I hadn't been at the point of complete exhaustion I wouldn't have been able to sleep that night..



Moral of the tale..

Ketamine + Massif spider = horrorshow..

paint it black wrote:Eat a spider. Just as a precaution like

IIRC there are about 6 insect legs in every single bar of chocolate...
Bon appetit

Cromwell wrote:Whilst driving around yesterday however, I seem to have noticed an unusually large number of dead grey squirrels on the roads. Now this could be for one of several reasons;

Simple, Tufty got usurped by a hedgehog. No role model, doesn’t take long to forget

Doesn't everyone eat 6 spiders in their lifetime or something. I'm not too bothered myself, but I feel sorry for the people in Australia.

ruffers wrote:Doesn't everyone eat 6 spiders in their lifetime or something. I'm not too bothered myself, but I feel sorry for the people in Australia.

I thought that one was some sort of an urban legend, whereas my thingy was in the newpaper's daily 'useless facts' some weeks ago... Don't know the exact number anymore though...

Cromwell wrote:I took them all out one-by-one by throwing cushions at them. I refuse to pick the cushions up now.

YOU BIG NANCY!!!

Obviousman wrote:

ruffers wrote:Doesn't everyone eat 6 spiders in their lifetime or something. I'm not too bothered myself, but I feel sorry for the people in Australia.

I thought that one was some sort of an urban legend, whereas my thingy was in the newpaper's daily 'useless facts' some weeks ago...

I'm not so sure about that. I remember once picking up my old recorder that had been lying around the house and starting to play it - until the spider that had been hiding inside it stepped into my mouth! I literally felt each leg step onto my tongue!!! I spat it so far, it hit the kitchen wall - and it was a large kitchen. Funnily enough, I never did play that recorder again.

My sister has swallowed 2 jenny-long-legs (aka daddy-long-legs) in alarmingly quick succession. One landed in her dinner and she didn't quite make the connection till she'd eaten it, and the other landed in her orange juice and slid down her throat before she could stop it.

Then there was the spider that crawled up my sleeve and seemed to disappear forever...

MadameButterfly wrote:Bluebottles I know swim in the sea, a jelly-fish kind, that sting with their long blue tails hence the name. I have been stung by them on a few occasions and it burns like hell

My friend Mike got stung by one of those fuckers when I was in Australia. You could see the red marks round his arm where it had got hold of him