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I can't get a wink of sleep...
Posted: 14 Dec 2005, 01:36
by Debaser
Bloody Gaz is rattling on. Reciting vast swathes of Middle Earth legend during the night. It's bloody keeping me from sleeping. He's been doing it for days now. I'm rapidly developing bags under my eyes that could hold a fortnights food shopping. I fear I may have to do him damage. But I know what it is.........
He's been Tolkien in his sleep.
*curtsies*
Posted: 14 Dec 2005, 05:52
by nick the stripper
Finally, for once I got five hours of uninterrupted sleep.
Posted: 14 Dec 2005, 10:56
by Planet Dave
Ness, has my Dad been running those bloody 'joke' classes again?
You sound worryingly like a star pupil.
Posted: 14 Dec 2005, 21:25
by James Blast
it's a bit early for the Christmas Cracker Jokes Ness
Posted: 14 Dec 2005, 21:31
by Planet Dave
James Blast wrote:it's a bit early for the Christmas Cracker Jokes Ness
Not if you're making them yourself it isn't. Thus...
How was the Roman Empire cut in half?
With a pair of Caesars.
Teacher: Name six wild animals
Pupil : Four elephants and two lions.
There's loads more, there's about 15 fooking rellies and assorted hangers-on turning up for xmas dinner. Bastards. Would you like to hear the rest?
Posted: 14 Dec 2005, 21:34
by scotty
Planet Dave wrote:James Blast wrote:it's a bit early for the Christmas Cracker Jokes Ness
Not if you're making them yourself it isn't. Thus...
How was the Roman Empire cut in half?
With a pair of Caesars.
Teacher: Name six wild animals
Pupil : Four elephants and two lions.
There's loads more, there's about 15 fooking rellies and assorted hangers-on turning up for xmas dinner. Bastards. Would you like to hear the rest?
Where did Ceasar keep his armies?
Up his sleavies
*goes to get his coat*
Posted: 14 Dec 2005, 21:40
by Brideoffrankenstein
Here's one I got in my cracker from my staff Xmas dinner last friday -
Why did the pilot land a plane on a house?
Because the landing lights were on
Posted: 14 Dec 2005, 21:40
by boudicca
Posted: 14 Dec 2005, 21:43
by Brideoffrankenstein
dunno
B
Posted: 14 Dec 2005, 21:44
by boudicca
Brideoffrankenstein wrote:
dunno
B
Go on, have a guess...
Posted: 14 Dec 2005, 21:45
by Brideoffrankenstein
boudicca wrote:Brideoffrankenstein wrote:
dunno
B
Go on, have a guess...
Ha!
Because he was a
fungi
Posted: 14 Dec 2005, 21:48
by Planet Dave
Why do birds fly south in winter?
Posted: 14 Dec 2005, 21:49
by James Blast
My dog's got no nose...
Posted: 14 Dec 2005, 21:59
by canon docre
James Blast wrote:My dog's got no nose...
How does it smell?
Posted: 14 Dec 2005, 22:01
by Obviousman
canon docre wrote:James Blast wrote:My dog's got no nose...
How does it smell?
Awful?
(hope this isn't the actual joke
)
Posted: 14 Dec 2005, 22:42
by Izzy HaveMercy
What do you get when you throw a piano down a mineshaft?
A Flat Minor.
(still one of the best)
IZ.
Posted: 14 Dec 2005, 22:49
by DerekR
James Blast wrote:My dog's got no nose...
Jamaica?
Posted: 14 Dec 2005, 23:00
by Izzy HaveMercy
canon docre wrote:James Blast wrote:My dog's got no nose...
How does it smell?
You poke his eyes out.
IZ.
Posted: 14 Dec 2005, 23:03
by Izzy HaveMercy
Or, for the more intelligent people around:
I have in my possession an animal belonging to the family Canidae, and it appears that he does not possess any extra-facial olfactory organs.
Could you therefore impart to me, such knowledge as may be necessary, to describe how that animal circumvents the problem of satisfying his olfactory senses?
Unfortunately, the non-ambiguity of your enquiry does not easily permit me to provide a clever answer, but I am in fact thinking of referring the animal to an olfactologist. However, the animal does have a fairly unpleasant body odour, should you be interested.
IZ.
Posted: 14 Dec 2005, 23:07
by Debaser
scotty wrote:
Where did Ceasar keep his armies?
Up his sleavies
*goes to get his coat*
Should always be followed by....
What's the difference between a buffalo and a bison?
You can't wash your hands in a buffalo
Yeah yeah, I ALWAYS laugh at my own jokes
Posted: 14 Dec 2005, 23:31
by James Blast
'cause no one else is
Ness
Posted: 15 Dec 2005, 00:10
by Debaser
James Blast wrote:'cause no one else is
Ness
have I EVER given the impression that I need others to laugh? I'm the singluar, giggling fool in the corner
What's brown and sticky?
A stick
What's orange and sounds like a parrot?
A carrot
Posted: 15 Dec 2005, 12:31
by markfiend
Planet Dave wrote:Why do birds fly south in winter?
It's too far to walk?
Posted: 15 Dec 2005, 15:26
by Planet Dave
markfiend wrote:Planet Dave wrote:Why do birds fly south in winter?
It's too far to walk?
Damn right. And they've got a point.
Next...
How old is your grandad?
Posted: 15 Dec 2005, 17:52
by James Blast
what's brown and sounds like a bell?
