one liner comedy sideshow

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nearmethexperience
Sarky Git
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Joined: 07 Mar 2002, 00:00
Location: newcastle, now rice lake Wi

hola funksters :wink:

ok i have a few of vons throwaways, i'm on the look out for more, all will be reveiled, watch some other space...

"It's not my fault I'm a skinny runt, I was born like this."
"Who's this one for?"
"Songs , who needs them?"
"Who's Emma?"
"This one's for the students on the balcony"
"It's called Amphetamine Logic"
"It's about logic"
"Close" ... "Real close"
"16 years to late "
"Shut up"
"Yes...very close...."
"You don't know what it is yet, s**t".
"After forty nights " ... " Still f**kin' gets it wrong"
"Someday" ... "Someday,everything you need is just gone falling out of the sky."
"Out of the sky"
"Thank you"
"This song is about how many K's in Elektra , it always was,and it probably always will be"
"Everything goes fine"
"Out of the sky" ... "Don't,...don't ever say I didn't tell you"
"Leave me down"
"Thank you" ... "Thank you" ... "Thank you" ...
"Thanks"..."We're only think so."
"This one is for the President"..."A daimn personel friend of me"
"I just know you gone hate this"
"Thank you,good night."
"Isn't it strange,who turns up on a day like this ?"
Ahh,a day at the beach" ... "Part two"
"There's some strange looking people out there"
"I hope your not with me"
"Ah Ah Ah ,did I ask you to..." ... "I think not"
"Yeah,sometimes I quite like you" ... "Not all times"
"Yeah alright,(?),I'm not care"
"As one to many songs about NOT taking drugs"
"Well now"
"Ah,a day at the beach" ... "Some of you haven't ain't got the sand out from between your toes" ... "Yeah,you know who you are"
"I have a good time" ... "I don't care about you,I have a great time"
"Don't say I never give you anything" ... "Well,of course,I don't"
"We were going to play Comfortably Numb ,but hey we're only the support band"
"Thank you,enjoy the Puppet show!"
"And I feel a hole lot better than yesterday."
"Probably do to the absence of the gentlemen from the press."
"Except our deary (?) friend here in the front."
"(?) ,they got action"
"Yesterday , i had my doubts" ... "I was wrong" ... "?"
"We are all agree that this is a song about love"
"They prove me right,they prove me wrong,but they can never..."
"Goedenavond" ( Yes , he can speak Dutch ! )
And when the crowd replies enthusiastic : "Oh, shut up , i don't think it was that beautiful."
"Train"
"Sunshine"
"This is called , War On Drugs"
"On the giving ground ... let's do the war on ... on the giving ground"
"This is for Gleih(?)" ... " ???,one more(?)"
"Thank you"
"Meanwhile... back in 2010..."
"Thank you"
"Ladies and gentlemen , mister Whammy"
"Let's surf"
"Mister Michaël Varjack , ladies and gentlemen"
and later ... "Mister Whammy"
"Ah ah ah ah" ... ""You better get this one right, or there will be trouble"
" ??? explain" ... "Nothing else"
"They prove me right , they prove me wrong ... but they can never ... crash this song ! "
"Enjoy it , it is lighter than you think" >> Was it Mike or Adam who said this ?
"I can see you"
"Nonono , you can go back there , but i can still see you"
"Oh, i can slowly see you"
"Yeah,that's right!" >> Was it Mike or Adam who said this ?
"They prove me right ... they prove me wrong ... but they can never"
"You haven't changed since yesterday,have you?"
"Nothing to do."
"We got it." ... "Shut Up !"
"We have the change to leave school before you."
"We have a seriuosly (?) thing for you"
"This is not it"
"Good evening"
"Right"
"Unluckily , there is just one solution"
"Yeah ,we taking requests� …�As much as we ever do�
"Thank you"
"I can't see a damn thing"..."And that's just the way i like it"
“Ladies and gentlemen�…�Here follows a public information announcement�...
“We benefit no more.�
"It's about this time in the evening"
“This is called , killed by death�
"It will never rain again"
"Alright , this time you will"..."This is called Romeo Down"
"Anybody figured it out yet?"..."Anybody figured it out yet , why we like to play least often in places where most crap is written about us ?"
"Yeah , this is Rock & Roll"
"In the way I sees ,it takes a question of technic"..."We have it and you don't , so you shut the f**k up and we plays some more songs!"
"When this is a civilised city , we will be pleased to play here, until such a time we will walk the wire"
"We are the light at the end of your sorry little tunnels"
"I don't think so"
"This is a song about the mainland , you wouldn't understand"
"When ever it may be...SUMMER"
"And her hallway moves"
"What did you come as?" ... "We came as a rock 'n' roll band , and a damn fine one too"
~wails~ "Lights ! "
"Steven "Speedy" Dave * will now lead us all in a burst of community singing"
"This song ?? is brought to you by the lephrans.... Methedrine"
"OK, I'm over it, lets go home"

* Speedy Dave is a very dedicated fan and a old friend of Andrew. Andrew have on several shows used one-liners directed to Speedy Dave.

"You'll be pleased to know that my girlfriend did turn up. You'll be distressed to know that she's the only other person in the building wearing white... but thanks for waiting with me anyway"
"How you doing people?" ..."Yeah,me too"
"Go on, get your 'ja, ja's out" ... and at the end of the song "Well, we were gonna hand out lyric sheets, but there's not that many of you who can read Hebrew"
"Don't take it personally , this is a song about Europe"
"Honk if you like the U.S.A."...and the crowd is yelling "bboooooeeeeee"
"You're unanimous"..."We really do not want their tanks on our lawn"..."Or the tomahawk missile"..."Or the F-117"..."...when it's parked on your lawn."
"Are you sure you want to go there?"
"Schönen Guten Abend... Danke für's kommen!"
"How diplomatic of me to forget what this is all about"… “ ??? , mystery are going for you “
“ Nach? “
“ Ja,??? “
“ Hey , we all getting used to it “ … “ You , quicker than me “
"This is the first of our many, many Jiddish numbers"… “Yes , yes , yes “
“ This song is in German“ … “ It’s called (We are the same)Suzanne “
"Irgendwann mal..."
“ Hey,???is allright “ …� Abe “ … “ This time “
“ Cause a man’s gotta do ,what a man’s gotta do, however it is stupid “
“ What can you do on this mini drums (?) ?� … " They prove me right , they prove me wrong “
“ Ladies and gentlemen , let’s rock “
“ Thank you “
“ Ladies and gentlemen , Mister Chris Starling and the legendary Mister “Whammy“ ! “
“ On the trombone , “Nurse� “

if anyone has others please add, thanks :smile:
++++ All those of you who have tears, prepare to shed them now... ++++
Guest

"there's a bus goes now from outside you'd be advised...."
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nearmethexperience
Sarky Git
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Location: newcastle, now rice lake Wi

cheers matey :smile:
++++ All those of you who have tears, prepare to shed them now... ++++
ez
Road Kill
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if you redo it on a gig by gig basis, I'll be happy to help


and you won't make me jealous
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nearmethexperience
Sarky Git
Posts: 398
Joined: 07 Mar 2002, 00:00
Location: newcastle, now rice lake Wi

why thankyou very much mr EZ, a gentleman indeed !!
++++ All those of you who have tears, prepare to shed them now... ++++
ez
Road Kill
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Joined: 07 Feb 2002, 00:00
Location: Somewhere deep inside

Sheffield 83

do that again and I shall get down there off this tiny stage

welcome to the smelly city

this is going to be our next single.............it's called Anoconda

you see the thing is he can see you and i can't and he's more vindictive than me, i'm the nice one and he has a very heavy bass guitar in his hands

I'll tell you something else, wednesday is the last time you will hear Jolene..................oh yes

well who is comming to America with us then, no thought not

Brussels 83

We've got a clean??? bass again now, peddles f**ked........that's Belgian for f**ked by the way

Norwich 83

we don't play 1969 anymore.......
<<crowd jolene>>
ah well there you could be lucky

this one is for all the peopple that tolorated us in dresses at the Hacienda last night <<Jolene>>

no we don't do that song, we played Emma yesterday so we are going to do gimmie shelter tonight instead

Hull 83

This is the last one for a very long time...........alice

Hippy time yeah <Gimmie Shelter>

Hamburg 83

do what Gavin? <Temple of love>

Manchester 85

No, I never joke about these things, not in this town anyway

now one for Norman whiteside <possession>

crowd "f**k off eldritch"

No not yet, can you wait ten minutes?


Genk 85

This is called possssssession.....................it's like when Alice doesn't live here anymore HA HA HA I've been waiting a long time to say that

Manchester 97

Yeah I love me too

and can we get back to west yorkshire with all our windows this time please

Notts 2000

I refuse to.......................

No No No, <crash and burn > you are one sick puppy

Stop bickering

You know you want to, this is called will i dream?

I don't think so but now you're all alone fella, just give that up now, don't give a f**k

I feel motivated

and you can stop bickering, I done enough jack this week to fuel a f**king army and you people are disappointing me <war on drugs>

you're traditionalists <temple>

now just BEHAVE <flood II>

Very train spotter and quite worried for my sanity



<font size=1>[ This Message was edited by: Ez on Apr 21, 2002 11:37pm ]</font>
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nearmethexperience
Sarky Git
Posts: 398
Joined: 07 Mar 2002, 00:00
Location: newcastle, now rice lake Wi

@ da ladz!!!

guys :smile: thanks! what can i say, other than it will all make sense when i can unleash the might forces of, no, no, shut up, can't tell ya right now, but soon.....
++++ All those of you who have tears, prepare to shed them now... ++++
ez
Road Kill
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Joined: 07 Feb 2002, 00:00
Location: Somewhere deep inside

oops sheepish grin, what went wrong there then :???:

should be here instead

Oh well,

"I just know you're gonna hate this"

go on join in with methy's warped plan

I'm workin' my way through them, but it's gonna take eons by myself.

fell free to join in at any time

:von:
and you won't make me jealous
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Drsisters
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Qoute: "I don't think so but now you're all alone fella, just give that up now, don't give a f**k"

This oneliner was directed to me :wink: I was clapping my hands in the front row during the intro to Susanne, seems like he wasn´t to pleased with that, rotflmao.


Stockholm 83:

Guy in Audience: Where is the drummer ?
AE: He´s in the box if you didn´t know that.


Arvika 2001

After on the wire/teachers. Directed to the photographer filth.

AE:
Shouldn´t you people be gone, excuse me but shouldn´t you people be gone. Come on

Adam: See you

AE: Come on, leave some room for the real thing public. Come on.

Adam: It´s been nice.

AE: thank you, now when were alone, let´s have some sex. This is called will i dream.

After Dominion/Mother russia.
AE: ???????????? You can take my word for it as a free lance gynecologist. (Doub´t i got this right).

After war on drugs.
Let´s do the war on drugs. Hey Steve-O, didn´t expect to see you there, this time on the evning, you sad F**K.
Suffering are we, Hey Kids ???


Drogheda 90.

Before Gimme Shelter:
At least there isn´t one f**king Hippy out there.

Rome 85:
In English....why don´t you play temple of love.

Whe have some strange electric problems over here.


Don´t remember right away from where he said this.

Shut up, you ain´that pretty.

We have a real serious grotesque thing coming for you.

You didn´t change since yersterday, have you ? ( London 10.06.97 is my memory serves me right.)

This is for the people who tolerated us in dresses in the hacienda last night.

Let´s get married Sideshow Bob.











Andrew Eldritch Dour Festival 1997: Yeah, We take any request... As much as we ever do.
ez
Road Kill
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Joined: 07 Feb 2002, 00:00
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On 2002-04-27 11:43, Drsisters wrote:
Qoute: "I don't think so but now you're all alone fella, just give that up now, don't give a f**k"

This oneliner was directed to me :wink: I was clapping my hands in the front row during the intro to Susanne, seems like he wasn´t to pleased with that, rotflmao.
he he nice one doktor

M'era luna 2000

Before giving ground

how diplomatic of me to have forgotten what this is about

after Crash and burn

Ah ha, hey we'll all get used to it..........you quicker than me

after bei mir

Only the first of our very many Yiddish numbers

Before temple

ladies and gentlemen lets rock!!!!!!!


and you won't make me jealous
ez
Road Kill
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Joined: 07 Feb 2002, 00:00
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Don´t remember right away from where he said this.

Shut up, you ain´that pretty.

We have a real serious grotesque thing coming for you.

You didn´t change since yersterday, have you ? ( London 10.06.97 is my memory serves me right.)

yep, just heard them

just before jolene

We have a real serious grotesque thing coming for you.

and you won't make me jealous
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Drsisters
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Kindergarten.....
Andrew Eldritch Dour Festival 1997: Yeah, We take any request... As much as we ever do.
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Lars Svensson
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Hey, I remember one very good Von quip too...

His final words from whichever was the last gig they played last year...

"Good news! Me, Gary, Craig, The Doktor and Wayne - my bestest friend ever! - will see you soon...The next album's nearly ready chums - DO be patient, the wait's nearly over!! By the way, there are FREE mint copies of Damage Done by the door. I love you all. Have a good night. I love you all!"

In my/our fooking dreams...


Amused to death...
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RobF
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The brixton 97 "you haven't changed since yesterday have you?" was directed at rather drugged chap in motorhead t-shirt with a green mohawk as I remember :grin: though all i got to show for it was a bottle of that disgusting red mixture he drinks...blurgh... I ran into Eldritch after the gig the night before and really, really embarrased myself in an amphetostupor of stupid proportions. The reason I hadn't changed was that I'd been asleep in the middle of a roundabout the night before...ah the good old days :grin:
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zigeunerweisen
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I got another one
"get your leather pants on"

:von:
ez
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On May 6, 2002 5:33am, Zigeunerweisen wrote:
I got another one
"get your leather pants on"

:von:
possibly,

get your Glitter pants on

is what you mean ??

Ez
and you won't make me jealous
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zigeunerweisen
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hmmm possibly, i wasn't even sure if it was on or up :smile:
ez
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Okay people back with the programme

Boston 27.09.99

Actually I don't know anybody called Suzanne............but........erm.......who knows?
[Suzanne]

meanwhile back in the jungle
[on the wire]

thank you,

Now you want to know what we did on our holidays?

because you're very..........very........veRY.........VERY........saaaaaaaaad [Romeo down]

[this corrosion]
don't forget the motor city, don't forget the motor city

Liverpool 24.03.83

this is an old one............

......not that old

not as old as some of them..........

this is fairly old.......[adrenochrome]

someone else put this song together, with loads of nice melodic bits,

which we don't really bother with much, but you'll get the gist of it
[gimmie shelter]

Camden 83

hello Wakefield

This is {crowd shout Sister Ray} NO........

I'll tell you what it is, that's my job

{crowd shout Sister Ray} NO........Patiencccccccccce this is calledddddddd Body Electric





and you won't make me jealous
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HisWimmNess
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Bex 28/06/02

"where is my cloud, Jurgen?" (not sure about the Jurgen part, but could be the name of the technician?

"That's not a big cloud"

and just before the second encores "Habba Habba"


nostalgy ain't what it used to be
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Drsisters
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Correction on Bex oneliner:
Where is my cloud Guru ?
Thank You!
That´s not a very big cloud Guru
Andrew Eldritch Dour Festival 1997: Yeah, We take any request... As much as we ever do.
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HisWimmNess
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I hate being corrected :grin:
I even hate it more when tehy're probably right :grin: :grin: :grin: :grin: :grin: :grin: :grin: :grin:
nostalgy ain't what it used to be
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Drsisters
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Oneliner show in St Vith:
Just befoe Train/Detonation Boulevard
Eldritch:
Anyone wanna jump my Train ?
Andrew Eldritch Dour Festival 1997: Yeah, We take any request... As much as we ever do.
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Tara
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My personal fav and very well known.

Forum, London-13/02/98
and directed to someone just behind me.

A.E. What did you come as?
We came as a rock and roll band...and a damn fine one!

Also at the astoria on the Friday for the exxile tour he tells some one they can go home now?
i didn't catch the full one liner.
does anyone know?

;D
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pikkrong
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York 2001, after Amphetamine Logic - how it exactly was... "bad things are bad" :grin:
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