1. Thou shall not rent the movie Chocolat.
2. Under no circumstances may 2 men share an umbrella.
3. Any man who brings a camera to a bachelor party may be legally eaten and killed by his fellow partygoers.
4. Unless he murdered someone in your immediate family, you must bail a friend out of jail within 12 hours.
5. You may exaggerate any anecdote told in a bar by 50 percent without recrimination; beyond that, anyone within earshot is allowed to call s**t. (Exception: When trying to pick up a girl, the allowable exaggeration rate rises to 400 percent)
6. If you've known a guy for more than 24 hours, his sister is off-limits forever.
7. The maximum amount of time you have to wait for another guy who's running late is 5 minutes. For a girl, you are required to wait 10 minutes for every point of hotness she scores on the classic 1-10 scale.
8. Bitching about the brand of free beer in a buddies refrigerator is forbidden. You may gripe if the temperature is unsuitable
9. No man is ever required to buy a birthday present for another man. In fact, even remembering a friends birthday is strictly optional.
10. Agreeing to distract the ugly friend of a hot babe your buddy is trying to hook up with is your legal duty. Should you get carried away with your good deed and end up having sex with the beast, your pal is forbidden to speak of it, even at your bachelor party.
11. Before dating a buddy's ex, you are required to ask his permission and he, in return is required to grant it.
12. Women who claim they "love to watch sports" must be treated as spies until they demonstrate knowledge of the game and, more importantly, the ability to pick a buffalo wing clean.
13. If a man's zipper is down, that's his problem-you didn't see nothin'.
14. The universal compensation for buddies who help you move is beer.
15. (Gas Warfare Act) you may flatulate in front of a woman only after you've brought her to climax. But if you trap her head under the covers (Dutch Oven) for the purpose of flatulent entertainment, she's officially your girlfriend.
16. It is permissible to consume a fruity chick drink only when you're sunning on a tropical beach... and it's delivered by a topless supermodel and it's free.
17. Unless you're in prison, never fight naked.
18. A man in the company of a hot, suggestively dressed woman must remain sober enough to fight.
19. If a buddy is outnumbered, out manned, or too drunk to fight, you must jump into the fight. Exception: If within the last 24 hours his actions have caused you to think, "What this guy needs is a good ass-whoopin", then you may sit back and enjoy.
20. Phrases that may NOT be uttered to another man while weight lifting: "Yeah, baby, push it!" "C'mon, give me one more! Harder!" "Another set and we can hit the showers." " Nice ass, are you a Sagittarius?"
21. Never hesitate to reach for the last beer or the last slice of pizza, but not both. That's just plain mean.
22. Never talk to a man in the bathroom unless you're on equal footing: either both urinating or both waiting in line. In all other situations, a nod is all the conversation you need.
23. If a buddy is already singing along to a song in the car, you may not join him...too gay.
24. Before allowing drunken friend to cheat on his girl, you must attempt one intervention. If he is able to get on his feet, look you in the eye, and deliver a "F@ck OFF!" You are absolved of your of responsibility.
25. The morning after you and a babe who was formerly "just a friend" have carnal, drunken monkey sex, the fact that you're feeling weird and guilty is no reason not to nail her again before the discussion about what a big mistake it was.
22/10/2005 - The official male code of conduct
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Obviousman
- Outside the Simian Flock
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James Blast
- Banned
- Posts: 24699
- Joined: 11 Jun 2003, 18:58
- Location: back from some place else
Quality!
read most of it before, but the additions brought it all back to life and I hope you meant 'beaten' rather than 'eaten' in point 3?!
read most of it before, but the additions brought it all back to life and I hope you meant 'beaten' rather than 'eaten' in point 3?!
"And when you start to think about death, you start to think about what's after it. And then you start hoping there is a God. For me, it's a frightening thought to go nowhere".
~ Peter Steele
~ Peter Steele
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Obviousman
- Outside the Simian Flock
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Well, if you kill him first you can eat him, can't you 
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Izzy HaveMercy
- The Worlds Greatest Living Belgian
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Darn, James.James Blast wrote:Quality!
read most of it before, but the additions brought it all back to life and I hope you meant 'beaten' rather than 'eaten' in point 3?!
You ate me to it...
IZ.