4/4 daft metal jokes....

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canon docre
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don't shoot me, but it made me chuckle a bit. ;D


There is a beautiful princess trapped in a castle guarded by a dragon. Here is the end of the story with different kind of metalheads as knights.

* POWER METAL
The protagonist arrives riding a white unicorn, escapes from the dragon, saves the princess and makes love to her in an enchanted forest.


* THRASH METAL
The protagonist arrives, fights the dragon, saves the princess and fucks her.


* HEAVY METAL
The protagonist arrives on a harley, kills the dragon, drinks a few beers and fucks the princess.


* FOLK METAL
The protagonist arrives with some friends playing acordions, violins, flutes
and many more weird instruments, the dragon falls asleep (because of all the dancing). Then all leave........ without the princess.


* VIKING METAL
The protagonist arrives in a ship, kills the dragon with his mighty axe, skins the dragon and eats it, rapes the princess to death, steals her belongings and burns the castle before leaving.


* DEATH METAL
The protagonist arrives, kills the dragon, fucks the princess and kills her, then leaves.


* BLACK METAL
The protagonist arrives at midnight, kills the dragon and impales it in front of the castle. Then he sodomizes the princess, drinks her blood in a ritual before killing her. Then he impales the princess next to the dragon.


* GORE METAL
The protagonist arrives, kills the dragon and spreads his guts in front of the castle, fucks the princess and kills her.Then he fucks the dead body again, slashes her belly and eats her guts. Then he fucks the carcass for the third time, burns the corpse and fucks it for the last time.


* GRIND METAL
The protagonist arrives, screams something completely undecipherable for about 2 minutes and then leaves...

* DOOM METAL
The protagonist arrives, sees the size of the dragon and thinks he could never beat him, then he gets depressed and commits suicide. The dragon eats his body and the princess as dessert. That's the end of the sad story.


* GOTHIC METAL
The princess in a velvet costume starts singing soprano. The protagonist completes the duett by adding the beast part, while the dragon plays the flute. Suddenly he swallows up the pipe and accidently scorches the beauty and the beast and suffocates to death. All their souls are damned in hell's eternity.


* PROGRESSIVE METAL
The protagonist arrives with a guitar and plays a solo of 26 minutes. The dragon kills himself out of boredom. The protagonist arrives to the princess' bedroom, plays another solo with all the techniques and tunes he learned in the last year of the conservatory. The princess escapes looking for the 'HEAVY METAL' protagonist.


* INDUSTRIAL METAL
The protagonist arrives wearing greasy overcoat, makes an obscene gestures towards dragon, and gets escorted out of fairy tale land by security guards.


* SPEED METAL
Suddenly there, short solo, dragon is confused, someones screaming weird stuff, princess realizes she's been deflowered, dragon and princess are still looking for the one who did this.


* CHRISTIAN METAL

The protagonist rides in on his way home from church and sings a mushy power ballad to the dragon about how much Jesus loves him and that the dragon should turn to Him. The Dragon is immediately converted, and when the princess wants to "thank" the protagonist he replies, "sorry, but I don't believe in having sex before marriage."


* GLAM METAL
The protagonist arrives, the dragon laughs at the guy's appearance and lets him enter. He steals the princess' make up and tries to paint the castle in a beautiful pink colour.


* BATTLE METAL
The protagonist arrives with a legion of a hundred brave footman, war chariots and a dozen elite warriors and, as a master tactician, flanks the dragon in a bloody siege that lasts six hours. The princess gets bored.


* NU METAL
The protagonist arrives in a run down Honda Civic and attempts to fight the dragon but he burns to death when his moronic baggy clothes catch fire.


* EMO
The protagonist sees the dragon and moans about how hard it will be to get the princess to fall in love with him, He gets eaten. The princess is very happy, because he was a whiny fag anyway.


* GRUNGE
The protagonist doesn't get eaten by the dragon because he stinks too much from not washing his hair in months. The princess won't go near him either, and he ends up dying on the town hall steps with the other mosha's due to the over consumption of white cider.


* POP-PUNK
The dragon can't eat the protagonist because he can't catch him because he keeps bouncing up and down. The princess won't f*ck him either, because he likes ska.
Put their heads on f*cking pikes in front of the venue for all I care.
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Brideoffrankenstein
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:lol: :notworthy:
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EvilBastard
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:lol: Out-STANDING, Ma'am!!! :lol:

Can we add a "Techno with Tunes - No, Definitely Not Goth" version?

"The protagonist arrives in billowing cloud of smoke, dazzles the dragon with lasers, saves the princess, has her feature on his next album and then kicks her into touch when she gets in the way of his Lemmings playing."
"I won't go down in history, but I probably will go down on your sister."
Hank Moody
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Badlander
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:lol: :lol: :lol: Image
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Through morphic oceans I'd lay here with you
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eastmidswhizzkid
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excellent Jess! :lol: :notworthy: i nearly choked on my cider at:

* NU METAL
The protagonist arrives in a run down Honda Civic and attempts to fight the dragon but he burns to death when his moronic baggy clothes catch fire.

it's funny 'cause it's true! :lol:
Well I was handsome and I was strong
And I knew the words to every song.
"Did my singing please you?"
"No! The words you sang were wrong!"

:bat:
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Ozpat
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:lol:

Reading this is a nice way to start a day at work... :notworthy:
"as we walk on the floodland"
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canon docre
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Glad you like it.

this is my guy:
* INDUSTRIAL METAL
The protagonist arrives wearing greasy overcoat, makes an obscene gestures towards dragon, and gets escorted out of fairy tale land by security guards.

Image

:lol:
Put their heads on f*cking pikes in front of the venue for all I care.
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Izzy HaveMercy
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Just loved them all ;D :notworhty:

IZ.
.
.
For Greater Good - Ambient Music for the Masses...
.
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eotunun
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EvilBastard wrote::lol: Out-STANDING, Ma'am!!! :lol:

Can we add a "Techno with Tunes - No, Definitely Not Goth" version?

"The protagonist arrives in billowing cloud of smoke, dazzles the dragon with lasers, saves the princess, has her feature on his next album and then kicks her into touch when she gets in the way of his Lemmings playing."
Other version:

*definately non-goth, non-metal, non-nothing:
"The protagonist arrives, has an interesting talk with the dragon, enters the castle unrecognised. Gives the princess the best night of her life and leaves unrecognised. When the princess steps out of the castle, the dragon has gone to join Amnesty International"
"These are my principles! And if you don't like the just says so, I have others, too!"
~Rufus T. Firefly
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Badlander
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eotunun wrote:Other version:

*definately non-goth, non-metal, non-nothing:
"The protagonist arrives, has an interesting talk with the dragon, enters the castle unrecognised. Gives the princess the best night of her life and leaves unrecognised. When the princess steps out of the castle, the dragon has gone to join Amnesty International"
I'm sure we could use him. :innocent:
I'd end this moment to be with you
Through morphic oceans I'd lay here with you
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James Blast
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Sheer brilliance Jess, just what I needed! :notworthy: X100, :lol: X100
"And when you start to think about death, you start to think about what's after it. And then you start hoping there is a God. For me, it's a frightening thought to go nowhere".
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