1 Sept: get your fortune told
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Izzy HaveMercy
- The Worlds Greatest Living Belgian
- Posts: 8844
- Joined: 29 Jan 2002, 00:00
- Location: Long Dark Forties
- Contact:
IZ.
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weebleswobble
- Underneath the Rock
- Posts: 5875
- Joined: 09 Feb 2006, 06:57
- Location: The Bat-Milk Cave
- Contact:
Well that told me! 
‎"We will wear some very loud shirts. We will wear some very wrong trousers."
What?............. I'll never get to sleep with ATOMIC KITTEN 
Being brave is coming home at 2am half drunk, smelling of perfume, climbing into bed, slapping the wife on the arse and saying,"right fatty, you're next!!"
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James Blast
- Banned
- Posts: 24699
- Joined: 11 Jun 2003, 18:58
- Location: back from some place else
@ Iz 
DICTIONARY FOR DECODING WOMEN'S PERSONAL ADS:
40-ish = 49.
Adventurous = Slept with everyone.
Athletic = No breasts.
Average looking = Moooo.
Beautiful.. Pathological liar.
Emotionally secure = On medication.
Feminist = Fat.
Free spirit = Junkie.
Friendship first = Former s!ut
New-Age = Body hair in the wrong places.
Old-fashioned = No BJs.
Open-minded = Desperate.
Outgoing = Loud and Embarrassing.
Professional = B!tch.
Voluptuous = Very Fat.
Large-framed = Hugely Fat.
Wants soul mate = Stalker.
WOMEN'S ENGLISH:
1. Yes = No.
2. No = Yes.
3. Maybe = No.
4. We need = I want.
5. I am sorry = You'll be sorry.
6. We need to talk = You're in trouble.
7. Sure, go ahead = You better not.
8. Do what you want = You will pay for this later.
9. I am not upset = Of course, I am upset, you moron!
10. You're certainly attentive tonight = Is sex all you ever think about?
MEN'S ENGLISH:
1. I am hungry = I am hungry.
2. I am sleepy = I am sleepy.
3. I am tired = I am tired.
4. Nice dress = Nice cleavage!
5. I love you = Let's have sex now.
6. I am bored = Do you want to have sex?
7. May I have this dance? = I'd like to have sex with you.
8. May I call you sometime? = I'd like to have sex with you.
9. Do you want to go to a movie? = I'd like to have sex with you.
10. May I take you out to dinner? = I'd like to have sex with you.
11. I don't think those shoes go with that outfit = I'm gay
DICTIONARY FOR DECODING WOMEN'S PERSONAL ADS:
40-ish = 49.
Adventurous = Slept with everyone.
Athletic = No breasts.
Average looking = Moooo.
Beautiful.. Pathological liar.
Emotionally secure = On medication.
Feminist = Fat.
Free spirit = Junkie.
Friendship first = Former s!ut
New-Age = Body hair in the wrong places.
Old-fashioned = No BJs.
Open-minded = Desperate.
Outgoing = Loud and Embarrassing.
Professional = B!tch.
Voluptuous = Very Fat.
Large-framed = Hugely Fat.
Wants soul mate = Stalker.
WOMEN'S ENGLISH:
1. Yes = No.
2. No = Yes.
3. Maybe = No.
4. We need = I want.
5. I am sorry = You'll be sorry.
6. We need to talk = You're in trouble.
7. Sure, go ahead = You better not.
8. Do what you want = You will pay for this later.
9. I am not upset = Of course, I am upset, you moron!
10. You're certainly attentive tonight = Is sex all you ever think about?
MEN'S ENGLISH:
1. I am hungry = I am hungry.
2. I am sleepy = I am sleepy.
3. I am tired = I am tired.
4. Nice dress = Nice cleavage!
5. I love you = Let's have sex now.
6. I am bored = Do you want to have sex?
7. May I have this dance? = I'd like to have sex with you.
8. May I call you sometime? = I'd like to have sex with you.
9. Do you want to go to a movie? = I'd like to have sex with you.
10. May I take you out to dinner? = I'd like to have sex with you.
11. I don't think those shoes go with that outfit = I'm gay
"And when you start to think about death, you start to think about what's after it. And then you start hoping there is a God. For me, it's a frightening thought to go nowhere".
~ Peter Steele
~ Peter Steele