Two homeless guys are walking along the railroad tracks and one says to the other, "I think I'm the luckiest guy in the world".
"Why the f**k is that?" says the other one.
"Well, I'm walking down the tracks last week and I find $50 in a wallet, got some dope and stayed f**ked up for a day and a half.
The other guy says, "Yeah, alright, but I think I'm the luckiest guy in the world. I was walking down the tracks about two weeks ago, found a gorgeous naked chick tied to the tracks. I untied her and took her up there in the trees and I f**ked the s**t out of her for two days."Â
"Jesus", said the first guy. "You are the luckiest guy; did you get a blow job, too?"
"f**k no", the other guy said, "I never found her head."Â
Wife In A Coma Gets Some Action
A man was visiting his wife in hospital where she has been in a coma for several years. On this visit he decided to rub her left breast instead of just talking to her. On doing this she let out a sigh. The man ran out and told the doctor who said that was a good sign and suggested he should try rubbing her right breast to see if there is any reaction. The husband went in and rubbed her right breast. This produced a moan from his wife. He rushed out and told the doctor. The doctor said this was amazing and a real breakthrough. The doctor then suggested the man should go in and try oral sex, saying he would wait outside as it is a personal act and he didn't want the man to be embarrassed. The man goes in, then came out about five minutes later, white as a sheet. He told the doctor his wife is dead. The doctor asked what happened - to which the man replied, "I dunno, I guess she choked."
Take three girls
Three women walking down the street are stopped by a man doing a survey. He asks, "Ladies, would you mind telling me how you know if you've had a good night out?"
The first replies, "I come home, get into bed and if I lay there and tingle all over, I know that I had a good night."Â
The second one replies, "I come home, have a shower and a glass of wine, get into bed, and if I tingle all over, I know it was a good night."
The third one turns around and says, "If I get home, rip off my panties, throw them against the wall ...and they stick, then I know it was a good night!"
here endeth today's lesson
