March 6 2007

[EvilBastard]

Well *I* thought it was funny...

Clickitty Click

[James Blast]

I've come to view an EvilBastard post in JotD as something of a quality item. What happened there, then?

[EvilBastard]

I've come to view an EvilBastard post in JotD as something of a quality item. What happened there, then?

Hey, I thought it was amusing, only because I was having a conversation with someone at work about manamana. We here at House of Bastard apologise unreservedly for the disappointment that has been caused by the lack of "quality items". Please accept this gift certificate with our apologies, and we look forward to welcoming you back to our establishment at such time as we are able to offer goods and services of the quality that our valuable customers have come to expect.

This one is repeated exactly as it was told to me - we hope that this will go some way to restoring your faith in us.

One day a doctor is in his surgery, when there’s a knock on the door. He goes to the door, opens it, looks around, and there’s no-one there. Puzzled, he’s about to close the door when he hears a voice down by his waist.
“Oooooh, doctor – can you help me?�
He looks down and sees the shortest woman he’s ever seen – no more than 3’6� high. He invites her to step into the office.
“Well, miss – what seems to be the problem?�
“Ooooh, doctor – it’s me minge. It always hurts something fierce every time it rains.�
“Well, why don’t you go behind the screen and undress, and then hop up here on the bed and I’ll take a look.�
The woman does so, he pops her feet in the stirrups, and takes a look at the problem.
“Well, I can see it’s certainly red and inflamed. And you say that this only happens when it rains?�
“That’s right, doctor – every time it rains and I go outside me minge hurts something terrible.�
“Well, I don’t know exactly what the problem is, but I’ll give you a topical ointment to put on your…um…parts there and hopefully that should solve the problem. Come back and see me in a week if its not better.�

A week later there is another knock on the door. The doctor opens the door, looks around, and there’s no-one there. The he hears a voice down by his waist,
“It’s me, doctor – the lady with the painful minge from last week.�
“Oh yes – do come in, won’t you?�
She comes in, goes behind the screen, undresses, and gets up on the bed. The doctor again puts her feet in the stirrups and takes a look at the offending article. If anything it’s worse than before.
“So, have you been using the cream like I told you?�
“Ooooh yes, doctor, but it don’t seem to do no good. Just this morning, you can see how hard it’s raining, it took me 45 minutes to walk down here, the pain in me minge was so terrible.�
The doctor has a good look around, and still can’t see what the problem might be.
“I’ll tell you what – I think the problem might be some kind of internal infection. I’m going to prescribe you a pessary with some strong medicine – I want you to insert one a day every evening before you go to bed, and that should take care of the problem. But come and see me in a week if there’s been no improvement.�

Another week passes, and there’s a knock on the door. The doctor opens the door, looks around, and there’s no-one there. The he hears a voice down by his waist,
“Ooooh, doctor, it’s me – the lady with the painful minge. It’s still no better, and with all this rain we’ve been having I’ve ‘ardly been able to walk at all, me minge is still so painful.�
“Come on in, then, and let’s have another look.�
She comes in, goes behind the screen, undresses, and gets up on the bed. The doctor again puts her feet in the stirrups and takes a look at the offending article. If anything it’s worse than before.
“So, have you been using those pessaries every day like I told you?�
“Oooooh yes, doctor – every evening, just before I go to bed, I stand in front of the bathroom mirror and put one foot up on the toilet, squat down and pop one up me fanny, just like you said.�
“And there’s been no improvement?�
“None at all, doctor - it hurts even worse now than it ever did before.�
“Well,� says the doctor. “Let me take a look in some medical references and let’s see what we can find out.�
The doctor goes to his desk and starts poring over medical textbooks and journals, trying to find out what the problem might be. He calls his colleagues, the British Medical Association, Johns Hopkins Medical Centre in the US, the International College of Specialist Physicians of Minge Disorders, but all to no avail. Finally, a thought occurs to him. He pushes the intercom and asks his nurse to come. She arrives, and they have a discreet conversation. “Right away, doctor,� the nurse says, and hurries out.
She returns 5 minutes later with a sterile plastic case. “Number 7 blade scalpel, doctor, just like you asked for.�
The woman, who all this time has been lying on the bed with her feet up, legs akimbo, minge to the breeze, sits up in horror.
“A scalpel, doctor?! Am I going to have to have an operation?�

















You really want to know?




















Sure?


















Alright, then…






“No, madam,� the doctor replies. “I’m going to cut 2 inches off the tops of your wellies.�

[James Blast]

Good grief!

it's a shame when their minds start to wander