Insurance Claims Statements

[chickenhead]

As this is my trade, for better or worse, I thought I'd note some of the best( although some you may have already come across)


Actual Insurance Statement Claims:


1. Coming home I drove into the wrong house and collided with a tree I don't have.

2. The other car collided with mine without giving warning of its intention.

3. I thought my window was down, but I found it was up when I put my head through it.

4. I collided with a stationary truck coming the other way.

5. A truck backed through my windshield into my wife's face.

6. The guy was all over the road. I had to swerve a number of times before I hit him.

7. I pulled away from the side of the road, glanced at my mother-in-law and headed over the embankment.

8. In an attempt to kill a fly I drove into a telephone pole.

9. I had been shopping for plants all day and was on my way home. As I reached an intersection a hedge sprang up, obscuring my vision and I did not see the other car.

10. I had been driving for forty years when I fell asleep at the wheel and had an accident.

11. I was on the way to the doctor with rear end trouble when my universal joint gave way causing me to have an accident.

12. As I approached an intersection a sign suddenly appeared in a place where no stop sign had ever appeared before. I was unable to stop in time to avoid the accident.

13. To avoid hitting the bumper of the car in front I struck a pedestrian.

14. My car was legally parked as it backed into another vehicle.

15. An invisible car came out of nowhere, struck my car and vanished.

16. I told the police that I was not injured, but on removing my hat found that I had a fractured skull.

17. I was sure the old fellow would never make it to the other side of the road when I struck him.

18. The pedestrian had no idea which way to run as I ran over him.

19. I saw a slow moving, sad faced old gentleman as he bounced off the roof of my car.

20. The indirect cause of the accident was a little guy in a small car with a big mouth.

21. I was thrown from my car as it left the road. I was later found in a ditch by some stray cows.

Regards etc

[EvilBastard]

Policeman: So, sir - what gear were you in when you collided with the other vehicle?

Driver: Um...black pointy suede boots, bondage trousers, and a Silver Bullet tour shirt. Why do you ask?

***
Policeman: So, sir - what speed would you say you were going when this tree suddenly leapt out into the road in front of you?