Two for Mrs Quiffy (8.X.2008)

[snowey]

One day Robbie and Steve were playing footy in the local park. The two kid's were having so much fun that they didn't see the rotweiller running towards Robbie. The dog then suddenly jumped up and attacked Robbie. Acting on instinct, Steve picked up a big stick they were using as a goal post and hit the dog as hard as he could. The dog then fell to the floor in a pool of blood and died. A man who had seen the event walked over to the lads and introduced himself.
"Hello, I'm John and I'm a reporter for a popular newspaper and I just saw what you did to save your mate there".
The reporter then added "I can just see the headlines now, 'MAN UTD FAN SAVES MATE FROM ROTWEILLER' ".
Steve said "No I don't support Man Utd".
"O.K. then, 'MAN CITY SUPPORTER SAVES MATE FROM ROTWEILLER' " say's the reporter.
"No I don't support City either" say's Steve.
The reporter then asks "Well who do you support?".
Steve replies "Liverpool".
"Right then" say's the reporter "SCOUSE SCUM KILLS DOG IN VICIOUS ATTACK".

++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++

2 Scousers are riding along the M62 from Manchester to Liverpool on a motorbike. They break down and start hitching a lift. A friendly trucker stops to see if he can help and the scousers ask him for a lift. He tells them he has no room in the wagon as he is carrying 20,000 bowling balls but will take a look at the bike for them. He tries everything he knows but is unable to repair it. Time is getting on now and he's late for his delivery so he tells the scousers he has to leave. "R hey lad" they say "gissa lift". The trucker once again explains that he has no room as he is carrying 20,000 bowling balls. The scousers put it to the driver that if they can manage to fit in the back will he take them and he agrees. They manage to squeeze themselves and their motorbike into the back of the wagon so the driver shuts the doors and gets off on his way. By this time he is really late and so puts his foot down. Sure enough PC Plod of Greater Manchester Police pulls him up for speeding. The good officer asks the driver what he is carrying to which he replies Scouse Eggs. The policeman obviously doesn't believe this so wants to take a look. He opens the back door and quickly shuts it and locks it. He gets onto his radio and calls for immediate backup from as many officers as possible. The dispatcher asks what emergency he has that requires so many officers. "I've got a wagon with 20,000 Scouse eggs in it - 2 have already hatched and the bastards have managed to nick a motorbike already"

[weebleswobble]