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A leper walks into a bar...
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EvilBastard
Overbomber


Joined: 01 Feb 2006
Posts: 3683
Location: Where the Ruined Tower shouts

PostPost #26  Posted: Thu Sep 06, 2018 9:09 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote Back to top

Two from the Vault:

Q. What's the fastest thing on 4 legs?
A. A pig running through Cambodia (or Ethiopia - pick your famine).

Q. What's the fastest thing on 2 legs?
A. The Cambodian (Ethiopian) running after it.

Famous Quotes:

"The only thing we have to fear is fear itself."
Franklin D Roosevelt, 1933

"We shall fight on the beaches, we shall fight on the landing grounds, we shall fight in the fields and in the streets, we shall fight in the hills; we shall never surrender."
Winston Churchill, 1940

"What the fuck was that?!"
Lord Mayor of Hiroshima, 1945
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"I won't go down in history, but I probably will go down on your sister."
Hank Moody
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zaltys7
Gonzoid Amphetamine Filth


Joined: 13 Jun 2003
Posts: 325

PostPost #27  Posted: Thu Sep 06, 2018 10:58 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote Back to top

From a more recent vault:

Q: What's got four legs and goes woof?

A: Piper Alpha.
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"We have too many cellphones. We've got too many internets. We have got to get rid of those machines. We have too many machines now." - Ray Bradbury.
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EvilBastard
Overbomber


Joined: 01 Feb 2006
Posts: 3683
Location: Where the Ruined Tower shouts

PostPost #28  Posted: Fri Sep 07, 2018 1:24 am    Post subject: Reply with quote Back to top

From a very specific vault:

Q. What's 47' long and likes to swallow semen?
A. The Penlee lifeboat.
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"I won't go down in history, but I probably will go down on your sister."
Hank Moody
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zaltys7
Gonzoid Amphetamine Filth


Joined: 13 Jun 2003
Posts: 325

PostPost #29  Posted: Fri Sep 07, 2018 3:00 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote Back to top

From another very specific vault:

Q: What were they drinking on Challenger before it exploded?

A: 7UP
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"We have too many cellphones. We've got too many internets. We have got to get rid of those machines. We have too many machines now." - Ray Bradbury.
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eastmidswhizzkid
Faster Than The Light Of Speed


Joined: 24 Mar 2005
Posts: 6856
Location: A Glad Pea :)

PostPost #30  Posted: Fri Sep 07, 2018 7:28 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote Back to top

zaltys7 wrote:
From another very specific vault:

Q: What were they drinking on Challenger before it exploded?

A: 7UP

Q: what does NASA stand for?
A: Need Another Seven Astronauts
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EvilBastard
Overbomber


Joined: 01 Feb 2006
Posts: 3683
Location: Where the Ruined Tower shouts

PostPost #31  Posted: Sat Sep 08, 2018 12:23 am    Post subject: Reply with quote Back to top

eastmidswhizzkid wrote:

Q: what does NASA stand for?
A: Need Another Seven Astronauts

A2: Need Another Shuttle Also

Q. How do you know that there was a teacher on the shuttle?
A. She left her pupils on the beach

(cf Q. How do you know the girl in "Jaws" had dandruff?
A. She left her head and shoulders on the beach)

Q. How do you get 9 astronauts in a Mini?
A. 2 in the front, 2 in the back, and the Challenger crew in the ashtray
(cf Q. How do you get 5 royals in a Mini?
A. 2 in the front, 2 in the back, and Mountbatten in the ashtray)
(cf Q. How do you get 5 Indians in a Mini?
A. 2 in the front, 2 in the back, and Indira Gandhi in the ashtray)

Q. How do you get two whales in a Mini?
A. Down the M4 and across the Severn Bridge.

Bonus:
Apparently they asked Elton John to do a song for Mother Theresa's funeral. He obliged: "Sandals in the bin".
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Hank Moody
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markfiend
goriller of form 3b


Joined: 11 Nov 2003
Posts: 19774
Location: st custards

PostPost #32  Posted: Mon Sep 10, 2018 9:24 am    Post subject: Reply with quote Back to top

Oh dear me
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eastmidswhizzkid
Faster Than The Light Of Speed


Joined: 24 Mar 2005
Posts: 6856
Location: A Glad Pea :)

PostPost #33  Posted: Mon Sep 10, 2018 1:31 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote Back to top

Q: how do you fuck a Tory?
A: AK-47....
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