Russian translations of TSOM lyrics

[oscu0]

I'd like to share some personal translations of TSOM song text fragments here. Whether or not anybody else in the forum speaks Russian does not concern me
Translating into Russian is always very difficult for me because of how much "syntactic sugar" it has compared to English, you really have to cut something from every line. The fact I am slavishly devoted to preserving the meter of the original doesn't help either. I generally found it harder to translate TSOM than Edgar Poe, but easier than Shakespeare. And anything is easier than having an original thought, of course.

[oscu0]

Torch

И факел есть,
И тень длинна,
Будь не так темно и будь ты не так слеп

Скажи мне, как тебя направить и спасти,
Если ты не знаешь сам, куда идёшь?

А ступил бы по воде Он,
Если б он не мог уйти?
А подхватил бы мой факел ты?

А если б я дал ключи тех дверей, что ты создал?
Путь к желанному подсказал?
А будь не так темно и будь ты не так слеп
Зачем вообще тогда огонь?

А ступил бы по воде Он
Если б он не мог уйти?
А подхватил бы мой факел ты?

I failed to preserve the "carry the torch" pun here, unfortunately. In fact the only colloquial expression for a crush/unrequited love I'm aware of in my native language is "to breathe unevenly for someone", which is beautiful but does not lend itself to the darkness/torch metaphor.

[oscu0]

A few Temple of Love fragments. Hopefully I will finish the song someday

Под нервным светом фейерверков
Полюбив ружьё, ставь штыком от боли укол
И беги укрыться в храме любви
И беги с другим, но таким же вточь
Ведь ветер моё имя донесёт

В храме любви вы скрылись вместе
Поверив в боль, что за дверьми
Но рядом кто-то вне погоды
И стенам любви дождь нипочем

И храм любви крепок и стар
Но ветер крепче храма стал
И храм любви падёт, прежде чем
Чёрный ветр лишит тебя меня

Much looser than my Torch, but I was able to preserve a critical pun here, only took me six weeks of thinking about it Also some sources quote the second line of the second verse as "believing pain and fear outside" and some as "leaving pain and fear outside". I'm much more partial to the former interpretation, because to me the meaning of the song is that the temple of love ≠ love, so that's what I went with.

[oscu0]

Lucretia My Reflection fragment

Я слышу грохот больших машин
Меж метров и аршин
Горячий металл и дым
Империя ушла

Я слышу грохот больших машин
Меж метров и аршин
Нет любви. Стреляй в упор
Порох — холоду отпор
Бомб нет — империя ушла

Я слышу, как в центре города, в тишине
Раздеваются, налегке
Танцуют, а нам с тобой
Дан ключ от города этой ценой
В нашей империи, как всегда,
Мы молчим. Цель ясна
Лукреция, отраженье,
Потанцуй со мной

Very tortured "two worlds" metaphor here — meters and arshins (a pre-metric Russian unit), but oh well. And the third verse is all over the place.

I probably will not complete this one, even though it is my favorite TSOM song, the lyrics past the third verse are too fragmented.

[ruffers]

I can't read it, I have no idea how to pronouce it, and I have no idea on the accuracy but I really like the effort and explanations!

[Being645]

I can't read it, I have no idea how to pronouce it, and I have no idea on the accuracy but I really like the effort and explanations!

Fully seconded ... ...

[The Violet Hour]

I don't speak Russian either, but I appreciate your effort as well, and so will the people who'll find these translations.

[iesus]

That must be a hard type of translation to do. Appreciate the effort you do with that

Edit- Let me with my little helper add to that 2 translations more one in Russian and one in Greek (Last one was made to know where the Russian translation have come to a point that is at least nice).
Ofc, those are open for commenting by all those native speakers of either language

Original: (as given by in the official site)
WHEN I'M ON FIRE (2020)

I know I'm wetter when it rains
I know I'm better with the pain

And when I stand and raise my hand
There is no god but where I am

And I know

When I'm on fire

-----
Όταν Φλέγομαι (2020)

Ξέρω, η βροχή με πλημμυρίζει
Ξέρω, ο πόνος με ορίζει

Κι όταν σταθώ, το χέρι υψώνω
Θεός υπάρχει μόνο όπου λάμπω

Και ξέρω

Όταν φλέγομαι

-------------------------------
Когда я в огне (2020)

Я знаю, дождь меня омоет
Я знаю, боль меня крушит

И встав, я руку возношу
Нет бога, кроме где дышу

И знаю

Когда я в огне

-------------------------------

Comment on that:
Compared to the original English lyrics, the final Greek and Russian translations maintain the 8-8-8-8-3-4 syllable structure and the fiery, introspective tone. The Greek version's new line, "Θεός υπάρχει μόνο όπου λάμπω," strengthens the existential assertion of the original "There is no god but where I am" by using "λάμπω" to echo the "fire" imagery, enhancing emotional resonance. The Russian version's adjustment to "дождь меня омоет" adds a cleansing nuance to "wetter when it rains," while "где дышу" continues to vividly capture the sense of self-defined divinity. Both translations preserve the rhyme scheme (πλημμυρίζει/ορίζει, омоет/крушит) and rhythmic intensity, ensuring the lyrics remain lyrical and impactful.


I would love to hear comments on the above!