Billy Connolly's 'Did you ever stop and wonder?'
Who was the first person to look at a cow and say, "I think I'll squeeze
these pink dangly things here, and drink whatever comes out?"
Who was the first person to say, "See that chicken there... I'm gonna eat
the next thing that comes outta it's bum."
Why do toasters always have a setting so high that could burn the toast to a
horrible crisp, which no decent human being would eat?
Why is there a light in the fridge and not in the freezer?
If the professor on Gilligan's Island can make a radio out of a coconut, why
can't he fix a hole in a boat?
Why does your Obstetrician, Gynaecologist leave the room when you get
undressed if they are going to look up there anyway?
Why does Goofy stand erect while Pluto remains on all fours? They're both
dogs!
What do you call male ballerinas?
Can blind people see their dreams? Do they dream??
If Wile E. Coyote from the Road Runner had enough money to buy all that ACME
crap, why didn't he just buy dinner?
If quizzes are quizzical, what are tests?
If corn oil is made from corn, and vegetable oil is made from vegetables,
then what is baby oil made from?
If electricity comes from electrons, does morality come from morons?
Is Disney World the only people trap operated by a mouse?
Why do the Alphabet song and Twinkle, Twinkle Little Star have the same
tune?
Stop singing and read on . . . . . . . ..
Do illiterate people get the full effect of Alphabet Soup?
Why do they call it an asteroid when it's outside the hemisphere, but call
it a haemorrhoid when it's on the outside of your ass?
Did you ever notice that when you blow in a dog's face, he gets mad at you,
but when you take him on a car ride, he sticks his head out the window?
Does pushing the elevator button more than once make it arrive any faster??
Wee jobbie!
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James Blast
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of course!snubnoseuk wrote:Does pushing the elevator button more than once make it arrive any faster??
this is Billy Connolly's Desiderata from his gorgeous pouting wife's first book on him, isn't it? good book I recommend it
"And when you start to think about death, you start to think about what's after it. And then you start hoping there is a God. For me, it's a frightening thought to go nowhere".
~ Peter Steele
~ Peter Steele
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markfiend
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Goofy's a dog? Are you sure?snubnoseuk wrote:Why does Goofy stand erect while Pluto remains on all fours? They're both dogs!
Little known fact: That tune was written by a certain Wolfgang Amadeus Mozart. When he was 5 years old.snubnoseuk wrote:Why do the Alphabet song and Twinkle, Twinkle Little Star have the same tune?
The fundamental cause of the trouble is that in the modern world the stupid are cocksure while the intelligent are full of doubt.
—Bertrand Russell
—Bertrand Russell
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hallucienate
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"clicky"markfiend wrote:Goofy's a dog? Are you sure?snubnoseuk wrote:Why does Goofy stand erect while Pluto remains on all fours? They're both dogs!
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markfiend
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hallucienate wrote:"clicky"markfiend wrote:Goofy's a dog? Are you sure?snubnoseuk wrote:Why does Goofy stand erect while Pluto remains on all fours? They're both dogs!
Well, there you go.The fundamental cause of the trouble is that in the modern world the stupid are cocksure while the intelligent are full of doubt.
—Bertrand Russell
—Bertrand Russell
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Mrs RicheyJames
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snubnoseuk wrote: Stop singing and read on . . . . . .
Only a paand.