Posted: 01 Dec 2006, 10:51
Now that's a jesus I can related tomh wrote:The plastic one (sitting on the dashboard of my car)
Or if he's unavailable, this one:
Oh Happy Day
Page 2 of 4
Posted: 01 Dec 2006, 11:21
Oh Happy Day
Posted: 01 Dec 2006, 12:24
How'd they manage that then?wild bill buttock wrote:I saw a programme on the telly and they pinpointed Jesus's birthdate to April 17th 6AD
Jesus' first miracle: he was born twice:
According to Luke's gospel, Jesus was born during the Census of Quirinius in 6AD
According to Matthew's gospel, Jesus was born while Herod the Great (who died in 4BC) was on the throne.
Both can't be true...
Who he? Pretty much all we know about him is that he was crucified. The rest is part of the myth.Erudite wrote:The historic Jewish one. Not this Roman myth that has given us two thousand years of "Paulianity" and patriarchial oppression.
*ahem* yes, me too.Erudite wrote:And there I go, ruining another light-hearted topic.
Hate pm's to the usual address. Thank you.
My favourite too.timsinister wrote:
Posted: 01 Dec 2006, 12:55
I like the dead one nailed to a tree.
A nice guy I'd imagine, but his followers can be the biggest cnuts in the universe.
A nice guy I'd imagine, but his followers can be the biggest cnuts in the universe.
Posted: 01 Dec 2006, 13:32
Sean Derry, pre-haircut 
Posted: 01 Dec 2006, 13:41
IZ.
Posted: 01 Dec 2006, 16:55
Ozpat wrote:The Life Of Brian one...
'Right, hands up those who dont want to be crucified next to a Jew?'
God, Schmod, face? bovvered?
Posted: 01 Dec 2006, 21:53
I gotta go with the Easter Sad Christ too. Cos surely being nailed up all over the Easter bank holiday weekend couldn't of been much fun for him.
Out there in the burning sun then the cold and bitter night in just his Y -Fronts and that spikey head band - and to top it all, he didn't even get any easter eggs.
Mind you, he must of been a bit miffed when he woke up in that cave and realised it may of all been a dream. But he got his own back at that meal when he threw that big dinner for all of them and his brid Mary gate crashed it and pissed off millions of scholars years later
Oh and then he got off with out telling anyone and was never seen again - bloody hippy!!
Out there in the burning sun then the cold and bitter night in just his Y -Fronts and that spikey head band - and to top it all, he didn't even get any easter eggs.
Mind you, he must of been a bit miffed when he woke up in that cave and realised it may of all been a dream. But he got his own back at that meal when he threw that big dinner for all of them and his brid Mary gate crashed it and pissed off millions of scholars years later
Oh and then he got off with out telling anyone and was never seen again - bloody hippy!!
Posted: 01 Dec 2006, 23:24
Posted: 01 Dec 2006, 23:39
If Jesus came to earth today,
They'd crucify him straight away,
Upon a cross of MDF
And they'd use no need for nails
They'd crucify him straight away,
Upon a cross of MDF
And they'd use no need for nails
Posted: 01 Dec 2006, 23:41
"...and Jesus came driving along and parked his Car...." 
Posted: 01 Dec 2006, 23:45
"I'm Jesus Christ, whether you want to accept it or not, I don't care"
(as we seem to be doing quotes)
(as we seem to be doing quotes)
Posted: 01 Dec 2006, 23:46
"If the real Jesus Christ were to stand up today, he'd be gunned down cold by the C.IA."
Posted: 02 Dec 2006, 08:07
Posted: 02 Dec 2006, 10:57
Posted: 02 Dec 2006, 10:59
i hate all jesuses.
Posted: 02 Dec 2006, 11:10
I called Jesus ... he's not home. 
Or possibly just avoiding my calls.
Or possibly just avoiding my calls.
Posted: 02 Dec 2006, 12:25
If Jesus drove a motor home, I wonder would he drive pedal to the metal, or real slow? Checking out the stereo.
Cassette playing Bob Dylan, motivation tapes. Tricked up Winnebago, with the tie-dye drapes. If Jesus drove a motor home...
If Jesus drove a motor home, and he come to your town, would you try to talk to him? Would you follow him around? Honking horns at the drive thru. Double-parking at the mall. Midnight at the Waffle House - Jesus eating eggs with ya'll. If Jesus drove a motor home...
Buddha on a motorcycle, Mohammed in a train. Here come Jesus in the passing lane... but everybody smile, 'cause everybody's grooving. Ain't nothing like the feeling of moving with a bona fide motorized savior. Now if we all drove motor homes, well maybe in the end, with no country to die for, we could just be friends. One world as our highway. Ain't no yours or my way. We'd be cool wherever we roam - if Jesus drove a motor home.
Cassette playing Bob Dylan, motivation tapes. Tricked up Winnebago, with the tie-dye drapes. If Jesus drove a motor home...
If Jesus drove a motor home, and he come to your town, would you try to talk to him? Would you follow him around? Honking horns at the drive thru. Double-parking at the mall. Midnight at the Waffle House - Jesus eating eggs with ya'll. If Jesus drove a motor home...
Buddha on a motorcycle, Mohammed in a train. Here come Jesus in the passing lane... but everybody smile, 'cause everybody's grooving. Ain't nothing like the feeling of moving with a bona fide motorized savior. Now if we all drove motor homes, well maybe in the end, with no country to die for, we could just be friends. One world as our highway. Ain't no yours or my way. We'd be cool wherever we roam - if Jesus drove a motor home.
Posted: 02 Dec 2006, 12:34
And Jebus is my favourite Jesus anyway.
Posted: 02 Dec 2006, 12:40
Christ on a bike!!!
Posted: 02 Dec 2006, 20:23
Corinthian wrote:The Crass one - died for his own sins. Not mine
I am no feeble Christ not me. He hangs in glib delight upon his cross, above my body. Christ forgive. FORGIVE? I vomit for you Jesu. s**t forgive. Down now from your cross. Down now from your papal heights, from that churlish suicide, petulant child. Down from those pious heights, royal flag bearer, goat, billy. I vomit for you. Forgive? s**t he forgives. He hangs in crucified delight nailed to the extend of his vision, his cross, his manhood, violence, guilt, sin. He would nail my body upon his cross, suicide visionary, death reveller, rake, rapist, lifefucker, Jesu, earthmover, Christus, gravedigger, you dug the pits of Auschwitz, the soil of Treblinka is your guilt, your sin, master, master of gore, enigma. You carry the standard of your oppression. Enola is your gaiety. The bodies of Hiroshima are your delight the nails are your only trinity, hold them in your corpsey gracelessness, the image I have had to suffer. The cross is the virgin body of womenhood that you defile. You nail yourself to your own sin. Lamearse Jesus calls me sister there are no words for my contempt, every woman is a cross in is filthy theology, in his arrogant delight. He turns his back upon me in his fear, he dare not face me. Fearfucker. Share nothing you Christ, sterile, impotent, fucklove prophet of death. You are the ultimate pornography, in your c**t, cockfear, manfear, womanfear, unfair, warfare, warfare, warfare, warfare, warfare, warfare, warfare, warfare.
JESUS DIED FOR HIS OWN SINS, NOT MINE.
Posted: 02 Dec 2006, 22:27
aye...that's how i remember it toowild bill buttock wrote:Corinthian wrote:The Crass one - died for his own sins. Not mineI am no feeble Christ not me. He hangs in glib delight upon his cross, above my body. Christ forgive. FORGIVE? I vomit for you Jesu. s**t forgive. Down now from your cross. Down now from your papal heights, from that churlish suicide, petulant child. Down from those pious heights, royal flag bearer, goat, billy. I vomit for you. Forgive? s**t he forgives. He hangs in crucified delight nailed to the extend of his vision, his cross, his manhood, violence, guilt, sin. He would nail my body upon his cross, suicide visionary, death reveller, rake, rapist, lifefucker, Jesu, earthmover, Christus, gravedigger, you dug the pits of Auschwitz, the soil of Treblinka is your guilt, your sin, master, master of gore, enigma. You carry the standard of your oppression. Enola is your gaiety. The bodies of Hiroshima are your delight the nails are your only trinity, hold them in your corpsey gracelessness, the image I have had to suffer. The cross is the virgin body of womenhood that you defile. You nail yourself to your own sin. Lamearse Jesus calls me sister there are no words for my contempt, every woman is a cross in is filthy theology, in his arrogant delight. He turns his back upon me in his fear, he dare not face me. Fearfucker. Share nothing you Christ, sterile, impotent, fucklove prophet of death. You are the ultimate pornography, in your c**t, cockfear, manfear, womanfear, unfair, warfare, warfare, warfare, warfare, warfare, warfare, warfare, warfare.
JESUS DIED FOR HIS OWN SINS, NOT MINE.
Posted: 03 Dec 2006, 05:51
Posted: 03 Dec 2006, 14:26
Interesting...
Posted: 03 Dec 2006, 20:20
These two are pretty cool...
Thank you.
Thank you.