Heartland

I don't wanna be the goalie.

You'd be great at the goal kicks!

Yeah, but I'd rather be running around vs. having the ball kicked at my head the whole time. Pfffft!

SINsister wrote:Yeah, but I'd rather be running around vs. having the ball kicked at my head the whole time. Pfffft!

TAXI drivers. Why not pop into the garage and ask them to fix your indicators lights for you so that other motorists know where the heck you're going.

SINsister wrote:Yeah, but I'd rather be running around vs. having the ball kicked at my head the whole time. Pfffft!

this is my favourite team.....
an they're seeking a forward

[Photo removed - NOT WORK SAFE! ]

Gaaah! NSFW!

smiscandlon wrote:Gaaah! NSFW! :evil:

what's NSFW?

Marco, photos containing nudity, partial nudity, and the like aren't allowed to be posted at Heartland. Some Heartlanders surf the forums from work, and could get into serious trouble if such photos could be seen on their computer screens. We definitely don't want to get anyone fired, now do we?

his waxwork's still up Missus

SINsister wrote:Marco, photos containing nudity, partial nudity, and the like aren't allowed to be posted at Heartland. Some Heartlanders surf the forums from work, and could get into serious trouble if such photos could be seen on their computer screens. We definitely don't want to get anyone fired, now do we?

None shoud surf in internet out of what he/she need for work
.....but are you ready to play with them?

psichonaut wrote:

SINsister wrote:Marco, photos containing nudity, partial nudity, and the like aren't allowed to be posted at Heartland. Some Heartlanders surf the forums from work, and could get into serious trouble if such photos could be seen on their computer screens. We definitely don't want to get anyone fired, now do we?

None shoud surf in internet out of what he/she need for work
.....but are you ready to play with them?

That doesn't change the rules, Marco. Please abide by them, in future.

And no, thanks. I'd like to play on a real team.

Can someone PM me the Pic'?

Anyway, Top Tips:

Save money on expensive personalised number plates. Merely change your name to match your number plate.

Mr. R942 BWX, Leeds

scotty wrote:Can someone PM me the Pic'?

you perve!

see it to me, too

Top Tip: if you've just cut up a handful of habanero chilis (those are the little orange ones that measure between 100k and 350k on the Scoville scale, and punch a good deal above their weight in the spicy combat arena), and cooked dinner for a cute young thing (green salad, a chili that is just the right side of piquant, nice bottle of Malbec, coffee) do not under any circumstances be tempted to take her to bed unless you've had your hands steam-cleaned and sand-blasted by your local HazMat crew .

I cannot stress this enough - failure to heed this tip will result in spending two hours or so in the Emergency Room or casualty unit of your local hospital while the cute young thing in question has her ladybits swabbed with alcohol and you being sworn at using language that would make a navvy blush. It will also ensure that you have at least a week's worth of enforced celibacy.

Now that is one to remember...

EvilBastard wrote:It will also ensure that you have at least a week's worth of enforced celibacy.

That's all?! Oy.

SINsister wrote:

EvilBastard wrote:It will also ensure that you have at least a week's worth of enforced celibacy.

That's all?! Oy.

Well, that's what the medics recommend in cases of "chemical irritation of the labia minora". Of course, I may be on the bench for a good deal longer than that, if only on Embarrasment grounds - it didn't help that the resident who tended to her was the fiancee of a mutual friend (who has already heard about the event, judging from some of the text messages that have been received), that she had to explain to a nurse who was slightly hard of hearing what the problem was (and who then repeated the problem in a louder-than-necessary voice to the amusement of a busy waiting room), and that we had to stop at a chemist to pick up some soothing ointment on the way home - top tip number 2: if you're a pharmaceutical company making unguents for applying to [ahem] certain parts, call it something innocuous. Calling it Vag-EEZ doesn't do you any favours, especially when the pharmacist yells to his colleague in the dispensary, "Maria, do we have any Vag-EEZ in the back?"
And it's the gift that's going to keep on giving, as tomorrow she's going to be submitting a claim to her insurance company for the hospital visit - if this doesn't ring alarm bells at her HMO then I don't know what will!:lol:

The only upside is that I'm fairly sure she doesn't read these pages - if she does I might as well give the condoms to a local charity, as I can't see that I'll be needing them again before they reach their use-by date...

I am allergic to chilli - and that is one of the most terrifying stories I have read in these hallowed pages
Oh the very thought of my lady parts being assaulted such....Ye Gads..... I do hope your lovely lady is recovering.

Walnuts make perfect a brain replacement for Frankenstein mice.

Best letter ever in VIZ:

How many women does it take to change a lightbulb?

Two, one to change the bulb and one to suck my cock.

Sorry women.

Gollum's Cock wrote:Walnuts make perfect a brain replacement for Frankenstein mice.

Best letter ever in VIZ:

How many women does it take to change a lightbulb?

Two, one to change the bulb and one to suck my cock.

Sorry women.

I was expecting a few asterixs' on that one. Sorry everybody

You will be, sir.

Gollum's Cock wrote:Walnuts make perfect a brain replacement for Frankenstein mice.

Best letter ever in VIZ:

How many women does it take to change a lightbulb?

Two, one to change the bulb and one to suck my cock.

Sorry women.

*snigger*