Heartland

Creaming of course

Can I mention Spacemen 3 again? Oh go on...

Jesus died for my sins
Lord look at the state I'm in
I look alright but I'm f--ked within
Can't go through it all again

I like this one >



He Plays Bloody Good Geetar!

Isn't he completely chicken oriental though?

weebleswobble wrote:

one day ALL vehicles (including motorbikes!) will be powered by these mighty V8 engines!
that one's a right treat, cheers!
top avatar too!

markfiend wrote:Isn't he completely chicken oriental though?

What's this "chicken oriental"?
Is that some new slang you kids are using today.......

Aye, rhyming slang - chicken oriental = mental

markfiend wrote:Aye, rhyming slang - chicken oriental = mental

akshewalley, it should be 'Radio Rental' !


Posted: Sun Dec 03, 2006 9:00 pm Post subject:

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Creaming of course


'get away from her you bitch' ?

Obviously the nail-up-a-(celebrity)-hippy-day jesus is my personal fave as i'm sure there were innumerable uninteresting illegitimate commoners born in sheds around the world all the time in those days;- but very few people can claim to have died in excruciating agony (and i'd wager a fair amount of personal doubt) for the as-yet uncommitted sins of billions of as-yet unconceived men and women to save their souls from an unspecified something in the frankly vague name of an as-yet unsubstantiated by any evidence whatsoever deity....or as the official roman charge-sheet stated "running around shooting his mouth off in a dress".


ps. a question for all those of you who can count: nailed up on a friday and baked until brown-bread roman-style; rose again on the third day....in time for the pub on easter sunday??
even allowing for the possibility that he didn't last very long and was dead before midnight friday that's still all within 48 hours of "one cross each, line on the right..." etc.
perhaps as the wine-addled disciples seem to have lost (in no particular order) the body of the boss, the sense of occassion (good friday? some mates you got there jesu'!), and their sense of direction (do you know how far it is from aramathea to glastonbury? only to arrive there without a wristband?) is it possible they also lost an entire day when they came to foggily write it all down? am i owed 36 exra chocky-egg eating days to compensate for being forced to stay sober all-weekend once a year by nationwide empty cash-machines?

pps. and where did jesus go for those couple/three days? did he go to heaven/hell/hemel hempstead as is "promised " by his religious faith? surely he would want a few words with his old man about his spectacular failure to rescue him? some half-decent excuse so he wouldn't look too much of a twat when he zombied it up to his mates.
perhaps thats what lead to the rather ostentatious thing with the ascension :
"look son i know i dropped you right in it with the boys there -'ow do you fancy a massively public display of being taken up to make up for it?"
or maybe he went on a "fantastic voyage" style adventure holiday: experiencing travelling through the inside of people's stomach's, veins, livers and arseholes as a peculiar side effect of transsubstantiating himself from their hovis and cabernet sauvignon?

answers on veronicas veil please....

God sacrificed himself to himself to save us from himself.

Go figure.

been listening to sonic attack hadn't he? "think only of yourself..."

i love sonic attack -THERE WILL BE BLEEDING FROM ORIFICES!!

eastmidswhizzkid wrote:or maybe he went on a "fantastic voyage" style adventure holiday: experiencing travelling through the inside of people's stomach's, veins, livers and arseholes as a peculiar side effect of transsubstantiating himself from their hovis and cabernet sauvignon?

So that explains my bout of indigestion last night!!!

eastmidswhizzkid wrote:...transsubstantiating himself from their hovis and cabernet sauvignon?

Do you think that many Christians realise that their communion is symbolic cannibalism?

(Actually I think that the Roman Catholic Church still holds that the bread and wine literally turn into the body and blood, so for them it's not just symbolic...)

The original Jesus: Mithra.

markfiend wrote:

eastmidswhizzkid wrote:...transsubstantiating himself from their hovis and cabernet sauvignon?

Do you think that many Christians realise that their communion is symbolic cannibalism?

(Actually I think that the Roman Catholic Church still holds that the bread and wine literally turn into the body and blood, so for them it's not just symbolic...)

that's right -the miracle of transsubstantiation means that when it enters your stomach the host actually becomes the physical flesh of the son of god!?!1.
surely this is the way to put an end to all the bleatings of unbelieving heretics and "scientists" who refuse to accept the perfectly plausible truths handed down to us by learned men ? [/heavy sarcasm]
simply remove a sample of the universe's supreme lord and creator's only son (by a virgin, through an angel ferfukksakes) and clone the bastard!






.....then nail him up again for old times' sake!

Gawd Lee we missed you!

markfiend wrote:

eastmidswhizzkid wrote:...transsubstantiating himself from their hovis and cabernet sauvignon?

Do you think that many Christians realise that their communion is symbolic cannibalism?

(Actually I think that the Roman Catholic Church still holds that the bread and wine literally turn into the body and blood, so for them it's not just symbolic...)

I seem to recall we've touched on the matter of transubstantiation before, Mark...

You went and found it?



Moving on!

timsinister wrote:You went and found it?

I found Jesus, Timothy.

Or should that be, I found Timothy, Jesus?



Isn't it reassuring how some things never change...

Blimey! You can't type anything on here without someone reading it!

My favourite Jesus is the surfer.

markfiend wrote:Blimey! You can't type anything on here without someone reading it!

That's why my posts are always so well-thought-out and considered...

Still my favourite:

Scotty, another few " "s for that!

eastmidswhizzkid wrote:..or maybe he went on a "fantastic voyage" style adventure holiday: experiencing travelling through the inside of people's stomach's, veins, livers and arseholes as a peculiar side effect of transsubstantiating himself from their hovis and cabernet sauvignon?

What a sh*tty hollyday..

markfiend wrote:God sacrificed himself to himself to save us from himself.

Go figure.

Another quote like that and I´ll include you as one of my heroes!

found a new one:


have some fun here as well:
http://jesusdressup.com/
and here
http://www.ebaumsworld.com/flash/swearingjesus.html

hello jesus!


this one's off the hook... NSFW
http://img143.imageshack.us/img143/3484 ... ist7ct.gif

davedecay wrote:found a new one:

Ahem..........post 11

wild bill buttock wrote:The happy,sweet Christmas Baby Jesus or the sad Easter Jesus ?

my favourite Christ is Beno