All Hallows Eve.

[Jim]

The SAS, the Parachute Regiment and the Police decide to go on a
survival weekend together to see who comes out on top. After some basic
exercises the trainer tells them that their next objective is to go
down into the woods and catch a rabbit, returning with it ready to skin
and cook.

Night falls.

First up - the SAS. They don infrared goggles, drop to the ground and
crawl into the woods in formation. Absolute silence for 5 minutes,
followed by the unmistakable muffled "phut-phut" of their trademark
silenced "double-tap". They emerge with a large rabbit shot cleanly
between the eyes. "Excellent!" remarks the trainer.

Next up - the Para 's. They finish their cans of lager, smear
themselves with camouflage cream, fix bayonets and charge down into the
woods, screaming at the top of their lungs. For the next hour the woods
ring with the sound of rifle and machine-gun fire, hand grenades,
mortar bombs and blood curdling war cries. Eventually they emerge,
carrying the charred remains of a rabbit. "A bit messy, but you
achieved the aim; well done", says the trainer.

Lastly, in go the coppers, walking slowly, hands behind backs whistling
Dixon of Dock Green. For the next few hours, the silence is only broken
by the occasional crackle of a walkie-talkie "Sierra Lima Whisky Tango
Fanta One, suspect headed straight for you..." etc. After what seems an
eternity, they emerge escorting a squirrel in handcuffs.

"What the hell do you think you are doing?" asks the incredulous
trainer, "Take this squirrel back and get me a rabbit like I asked you
five hours ago!".

So back they go. Minutes pass. Minutes turn to hours, night drags on
and turns to day. The next morning, the trainer and the other teams are
awakened by the police, holding the handcuffed squirrel, now covered in
bruises, one eye nearly shut.

"Are you taking the p*ss!!??" asks the now seriously irate trainer.

The police team leader nudges the squirrel, who squeaks: "Alright,
alright, I'm a f*ckin' rabbit!"

[Izzy HaveMercy]

IZ.