These tips (to annoy all and sundry) are aimed at Americans (of course!
), but they'd probably work at any large chain department or discount store anywhere:
* Take shopping carts for the express purpose of filling them and stranding them at strategic locations.
* Get boxes of condoms and randomly put them into people's carts when they're not looking.
* Set all alarm clocks to go off at 10-minute intervals throughout the day.
* Make a trail of orange juice on the floor, leading to the restrooms.
* Walk up to an employee and tell him in an official tone, "I think we've got a Code 3 in Housewares!", and see what happens.
* Tune all of the radios to a polka station; then turn them off and turn the volumes up to 10.
* Re-dress the mannequins as you see fit.
* Challenge other customers to duels with tubes of gift wrap.
* Test the fishing rods and see what you can "catch" from the other aisles.
* Put a bag of M&Ms on layaway.
* Move "Caution: Wet Floor" signs to carpeted areas.
* Set up a tent in the camping department; tell others you'll only invite them in if they bring pillows from Bed & Bath.
* Nonchalantly "test" the brushes and combs in Cosmetics.
* When someone asks if you need help, begin to cry and ask, "Why won't you people just leave me alone?!"
* Look right into a security camera, and use it as a mirror while you pick your nose.
* Take up an entire aisle in Toys by setting up a full-scale battlefield with GI Joes vs. the X-Men.
* Ask other customers if they have any Grey Poupon.
* While handling guns in the sporting goods department, suddenly ask the clerk if he knows where the antidepressants are.
* Switch the men's and women's signs on the doors of the restrooms.
* Dart around suspiciously while humming the theme song to "Mi
ssion Impossible".
* Set up a Valet Parking sign in front of the store.
* In the automotive department, practice your Madonna look with various funnels.
* Hide in clothing racks, and when people browse through, yell, "Pick me! Pick me!"
* When an announcement comes over the store intercom, assume the fetal position and scream, "No! No! It's those voices again!"
* Drag a folding lounge chair on display over to the magazine aisle and relax. If the store has a food court, buy a soft drink; explain that you don't get out much, and ask if they can put a little umbrella in it.
* Go into a dressing room and yell loudly, "Hey, we're out of toilet paper in here!"
for feck sake !!!
Moi?......... 
