6/4/04 What your name means about you
Posted: 06 Apr 2004, 11:04
Apologies if this has been done before. Find yourself if you can!
MEN'S NAMES
Aaron - ugly but hung like a horse, prone to belly button fluff.
Adam - cute, funny, chicks dig him, has the potential to be stalked.
Adrian - small todger, probably gay.
Alan - shy but sensitive, gets screwed over by women.
Alex - cute but a liar and a cheat
Alistair - head in the clouds, will go an amazing journey to find out what he wants.
Andrew - usually short and very horny, watches cartoons.
Anthony - great guy and kind to all girls, smells of wee.
Arthur - hung like a slave and celibate, keeps goldfish
Barry - lights fires, pinches girl's bottoms and is well hung.
Ben - kind hearted, will do anything for the one he loves.
Bob - a man's man, eats with his hands but good for a laugh.
Brendan - quiet and sweet, gets beaten up all the time.
Brett - worldwide slut and really insensitive, women love him.
Brian - a wanna be charmer, he's not the Messiah he's just a very, very naughty boy.
Bryan - sexy, but stupid - can't spell.
Bruce - stinks bad and thinks everyone else's name is also Bruce.
Byron - Very sexy, clever, good looking and a jolly nice bloke all round.
Cameron - Australian, like Bruce.
Carl - thinks he's funny...he's not, falls asleep during sex.
Chad - cute, sensitive and very studly - only found in American movies.
Charles - can't trust him, eyes too close together.
Chris - can't pull, will pay for women, but has a huge pecker and can use it too.
Christian - very sexy and seductive.
Clark - hilarious and always in trouble, problem with 'jailbait'.
Clive - very sweet and adores girls, but prefers to watch.
Craig - tries to fit in - he never does.
Dan - quiet but funny, but brain in his trousers
Daniel - enjoys root vegetables in every orifice, highly homosexual.
Darren - charming, but is fond of pissing in his parent's house.
Daryl - smells bad, has no real mates and likes computer games
David - hottie and works out a lot, loves girls named Florence. Can be gay!
Dave - extremely sexy, always funny, intelligent, stylish, trendsetter
Dean - full of himself and thinks with his dick.
Dennis - either very nice to girls or a faggot.
Derek - has a great sense of humour, and blow-up doll collection.
Dominic - hilarious and will do anything to please.
Don - dickhead.
Doug - has a drinking problem and thinks too much about his do-dah
Duncan - hopeless ski bum, brains shot away long ago.
Dylan - horny bastard, who can't sing.
Dwayne - cool guy to be around if you can handle his name.
Eddie - wants too many chicks he'll never get 'cos he's an arsehole.
Elliott - full of himself.
Eric - shy and odd fetishes
Frank - "different" - missing DNA - favours girls named Lucy.
Gareth - sweet but dresses too good to be straight.
Gary - drug addict but willing to share.
Gavin - likes bondage, S&M with other men.
Geoff - prefers golf to sex and war to peace.
George - barman who drinks more than he serves.
Glen - the sweetest guy - really down to earth.
Graham - will screw anything.
Grant - HORNY! But so sweet and you can talk to him about anything.
Greg - really sweet and feels sorry for himself.
Harry - covers his back.
Howard - likes small-breasted women and pornography.
Ian - really popular but knows all the girls want him... yeah right!
Ivor - militant psychopath with homosexual tendencies.
Jake - shy and sweet but a slut when drunk.
Jamie - tries too hard.
James - built like a horse but a bit stubborn.
Jay - very sweet when you get to know him well.
Jeff - really ugly.
Jerome - gay, but very unhappy.
Jeremy - loud and thinks that he's all that he says he is.
Jesse - unpopular and needs to move on.
Jack - stupid but hot, always alri ght.
Jim - sweet, has fantasies of love and affection.
Joe - built like a bear, sexy but tends to lose his head.
Joel - arse.
Jon - has no friends or life - tends to kill small animals.
Jolyon - absolute raving homosexual.
Jonathon - loud, sex mad and great with it - can be full of himself.
Jordan - sexy but weird in bed.
Jose - hot boy with a love of hermaphrodites.
Josh - full of himself, fun.
Justin - aggravating but loveable, insecure but successful.
Kevin - always attracts really fit girlfriends also has a large do-dah.
Keith - good person to talk to when you have a problem - his is worse.
Kenneth - very, very...anything you want him to be.
Larry - cute but wannabe player with big arse.
Laurie - short and funny looking.
Lee - girl dressed up as a boy, total arse bandit.
Lewis - lonely, sad git, bit of a tosser.
Lyndon - can always be found in bed or in the pub.
Liam - loud mouthed arsehole.
Luke - seems to be sweet. bit of a tosser though.
Malcolm - tall man who tends to lose his trousers.
Mark - wished girls liked him for who he is not his great looks, mouthy bastard.
Martin- a sensitive lad who will eventually see right from wrong.
Matt - the fat boy of the class likes sweets and is full of s**t.
Michael - very good looking but he'll do anything for a girl.
Mike - shag muffin.
Nathan - stupid as hell, and tends to make others feel dumb.
Nick - nice -
Neil - sweet and will do anything in this world for you, great in bed.
Oliver - likes men but is in denial.
Oscar - loser.
Owen - cute gay guy who is immature, and sings Welsh songs.
Patrick - drunk, drunk, drunk.
Paul - cool, calm and handsome, a quality only found in gays.
Peter - cutie but very shy, makes women feel like virgins.
Phillip - stupid idiot who wishes he were cool.
Rhys - great lover but a traitor from Wales.
Richard - can't see his feet as his balls are too big.
Rob - best things come in small packages.
Ron- loves to play around with the car, but losing his marbles.
Ross - an adrenalin junkie who loves a good blonde/screw (male or female)
Roy - total loser and computer genius.
Rupert - arrogant twit who is crap in bed but thinks he is a stud.
Russell - likes to play in the leaves, which makes him an arsehole.
Ryan - short but sexy body and even sexier mind.
Sam - wannabe sex machine.
Scott - has serious disabilities. Also takes it up the botty.
Seamus - wants girls with big breasts to smother him.
Sean - has small testicles and no friends.
Sebastian - a smug git who thinks he's a hit with the ladies. As if!
Shane - thinks everybody wants to shag him - he's a virgin.
Shaun - bit of a hard bastard, thinks women love him.
Simon - likes a night out with the lads and curries. Says he is the man but talks bollocks.
Spencer - loves it right up there, normally with a toilet roll and a hamster.
Steve - popular and funny & hung like a donkey.
Stuart - droll guy with great arse and suicidal tendencies but great in bed.
Ted - hairy, sensitive and great shag.
Tim - hot but a bit strange, can never tell where he is.
Toby - best blow ever.
Tom - cool but can be arrogant.
Tony - hot, sweet, and totally fun to be around.
Trevor - sweet and funny but sometimes untrustworthy.
Will - wishes he were popular.
WOMEN'S NAMES
Ada - blue haired, smells of wee.
Alison - bra and pants are the same garment, looks better with the light off.
Amanda - IQ tends to be smaller than bra size. Probably a good bonk though.
Amy - devious, likes being on top, never stays the night - Not to be trusted.
Amelia- demure, a little bit of a know it all.
Andrea - small breasts, drinks pints.
Angela - Vain, hairstyle more important than oxygen. Hangs around toilets.
Anita- doesn't wear knickers.
Ann- see Anne.
Anna- knows how to use her charm and powers of persuasion with men.
Annette - she's BIG.
Anne - looks like a horse, can't drive side.
Aoife - always up for shots in the bar and flashing her bra
Barbara - shags like a rabbit and likes her drink.
Becky - Likes a good bit of rump, has lots of friends.
Belinda - pleasing on the eye, usually has a couple of good points.
Beryl - repressed alcoholic.
Beverley - trapped in an eighties timewarp.
Bianca - ginger nutter.
Bridgette - eats pizzas all day, smokes cigars.
Britney - falsely improved, no use to society.
Camilla - English totty, replaces the word 'yes' with 'ya'.
Carina - looks like the back of a bus, doesn't swallow.
Carol - into everything you've only ever read about. Coin-operated.
Caroline - into threesomes. Likes doggy style. Always up for it.
Catherine - attracted to the older man, clothes need ironing.
Claire - perfect in every way and a complete sex goddess.
Celine - emits hideous noises, waste of DNA.
Charlotte - enjoys tea and cake, farts the national anthem.
Cheryl - can fit hand in mouth, eats glass.
Cherry - only eats orange smarties and goes to the cinema (alone) on thursdays
Christina - likes men in uniform, never warm.
Daisy - virgin.
Davina - drug induced mental damage, should shave her neck.
Dawn - gets up early, smells of chips.
Deborah - dribbles on the pillow and foul tongued.
DeeDee - cannot understand why no one else masturbates in Ikea.
Denise - sits on cat's eyes, not half as sweet as she would like to be.
Diane - enjoys company of animals. Deep as a puddle. Adds nothing to society.
Donna - 70's throw back, likes cabbage.
Dorothy - purple haired, stinks of wee.
Elaine - rides sidesaddle, drinks meths.
Elizabeth - born to perform, hates chickens.
Ellie - far too attractive for the swear words that come out of her mouth.
Emily - wears odd socks, can have lesbian tendencies.
Emma - gullible and easily swayed by a good looker
Estelle - likes wombles, eats grass.
Esther - plump with sagging breasts, normally heavily tattooed.
Faith - legs meet at knees, can't shag standing up.
Faye - wears wellies, can't swim.
Felicity - she'll stab you with her nipples, lays darts
Fiona - female mud wrestler.
Gabriella - classy name for a classy lady
Gemma - practically perfect in everyway. Loved by everyone. Good listener and friend.
Geraldine - too posh for her own good, likes flying.
Gill - farts a lot and drinks guiness.
Gina - eternal mother, eats nappies.
Glenda - eats children, hates smoking.
Georgina - wants to be a china doll.
Gloria- a model of perfection.
Gwyneth - blubs a lot, wees in the bath.
Hannah - needs to be naked at all times, eats kebabs.
Heather - shags like a freight train, a screamer.
Helen - loves sleeping and alcohol and is work shy.
Heidi - the hills are alive with the sound of music, likes gherkins.
Hilary - frigid bitch. Thinks money grows on trees.
Holly - prickly to the touch, seasonal shagmeister.
Imogen - drinks tequila from the bottle, wets the bed.
Ingrid - right wing Nazi tendencies, never smiles.
Jackie - heroin addict, sold her child.
Jane - an easy ride, large gob on her.
Janet- watch out for this one, the waterworks won't rub.
Janine - the most determined and persevering sweetie in the world.
Jasmine - smells of sewers, eats the heads off rats.
Jemima- daddy's girl from London.
Jennifer - huge breasts, should shave her legs more often.
Jessica - virgin, always will be.
Jo - very active, listens to the radio in her car a lot.
Joanne - moans in her sleep, cant cook, moans when she wakes up!
Jodie - absolutely perfect in every way, every group of friends should have one!
Judith - big eyes, big tits.
Judy - huge tits, married to an arse.
Julia - innocent face and a model of serenity.
Justine - massive tits, likes hanging around men's toilets.
Julie - Jabba the Hutt's sister, constantly pregnant.
Karen - huge tits, shags like a rabbit.
Katie - big feet, likes the sensation of acorns and grass.
Kate - can be quite a shrew and needs to be tamed by a gentleman
Kimberley- average girl from the local comp school with a loud mouth..
Lara - action packed, never seen naked.
Laura - likes Max power magazine, can't drive.
Lauren - pert breasts, seldom ventures out at night unless there is a bloke involved
Leah - likes outdoor sex, wees standing up.
Leslie - likes bondage, hates men.
Linda - likes fish and chips and knows more than she lets on
Lindsay - likes doggy style, doesn't do housework.
Lisa - will take all your money and run, gets turned on by porn.
Liz - intelligent and motherly
Lorraine - constantly whinges, will strip for a packet of jellybabies.
Louise - real babe, bright too, I'd drink her bath water.
Lucy - strange dancer, very sweet
Madeline - drives like a bloke, likes tractors.
Maggie - trainspotter, likes plaid.
Margaret - lovely mother, very generous and makes time for herself
Maria - bangs like a barn door.
Marie - life's slapper. Likes men to do DIY.
Marina - no get up and go, rusty underwear.
Marilyn - eats like a horse, out stays her welcome.
Martine - can't act, can't sing, nice tits.
Matilda - European, hairy armpits
Meg - an enchantress with a witchy streak who likes to seduce hairy men with her magical charms.
Melanie - can hold two bar vacuum orally indefinitely.
Melissa - such an poser
Meryl - dances like an ape, doesn't realise.
Michaela - likes animals, should make a video with them.
Michelle - wears white stilettos, dances round her handbag but is a good friend to Taurians
Miriam - goes down a lot, often gets sore throats.
Monica - doesn't swallow, should have.
Naomi - wannabe diva, more of a diver.
Nancy - white hair, remembers manners.
Natalie - eats with her mouth open, farts the Nokia phone tune.
Natasha - had seven kids before age 17, needs ironing.
Nell - hasn't realised WWII has ended, lives in Kent.
Nicola - slapper, alcoholic in denial.
Nina - stuffs her bra with tissues, been single for years.
Olga - you can park a bike in her arsecrack, excessive facial hair.
Olivia - neutron bomb.
Pamela - enjoys summer camp holidays on the grotty coast
Patricia - quite the lady, no one will ever realise her wisdom until she leaves the room.
Penelope - pit stop queen, likes men to be stiff.
Phillippa - very upper class but sweet
Priscilla - likes painting with oils, Duckhams mainly.
Rachel - amazing gravity defying breasts, can grip a tenner in her arsecheeks.
Rebecca - hairy armpits, orgasms without contact.
Rita - popular with all the guys but still searching for that special someone.
Rosie - can be prickly and fickle
Rula - she measures up well.
Sadie - stand up if you're slim, please stand up.
Sally - drives a Mustang, fights in pubs.
Samantha - loves her brother, has four deformed children.
Sandra - secretary who is after her boss.
Sarah - hangs around with the wrong crowd, Kinky in bed, loves porn.
Selina - doesn't wear pants, heavy laundry bills
Sharon - shags like a locomotive, yo-yo knickers.
Shirley - can swallow a Curly Whirly whole, likes bananas.
Sian - does mean sheep impression, hates mint sauce.
Simone - used to be a shot putter from Cardiff.
Sonya - dirty lady of the night. Often referred to as a carrier.
Sophie - brothel madam, wears a wrinkly corset.
Stacey - likes cut off jeans and arseless Speedo's.
Stephanie - wears dungarees and enjoys a laugh with the lads.
Sue - totally gorgeous!
Tanya - hot minx, too short.
Tara - upper class slapper, needs extra chemicals.
Tina - face like a smacked arse, should eat less.
Tori - lives in a hedge, can't water ski.
Tracy - easily swayed by alcohol. Mostly seen without underwear. Loves kittens.
Ursula - likes puppies, in curry.
Vicky- likes Yoga and Men.
Wendy - possibly a man.
Zoë - talentless rock chick from up north.
MEN'S NAMES
Aaron - ugly but hung like a horse, prone to belly button fluff.
Adam - cute, funny, chicks dig him, has the potential to be stalked.
Adrian - small todger, probably gay.
Alan - shy but sensitive, gets screwed over by women.
Alex - cute but a liar and a cheat
Alistair - head in the clouds, will go an amazing journey to find out what he wants.
Andrew - usually short and very horny, watches cartoons.
Anthony - great guy and kind to all girls, smells of wee.
Arthur - hung like a slave and celibate, keeps goldfish
Barry - lights fires, pinches girl's bottoms and is well hung.
Ben - kind hearted, will do anything for the one he loves.
Bob - a man's man, eats with his hands but good for a laugh.
Brendan - quiet and sweet, gets beaten up all the time.
Brett - worldwide slut and really insensitive, women love him.
Brian - a wanna be charmer, he's not the Messiah he's just a very, very naughty boy.
Bryan - sexy, but stupid - can't spell.
Bruce - stinks bad and thinks everyone else's name is also Bruce.
Byron - Very sexy, clever, good looking and a jolly nice bloke all round.
Cameron - Australian, like Bruce.
Carl - thinks he's funny...he's not, falls asleep during sex.
Chad - cute, sensitive and very studly - only found in American movies.
Charles - can't trust him, eyes too close together.
Chris - can't pull, will pay for women, but has a huge pecker and can use it too.
Christian - very sexy and seductive.
Clark - hilarious and always in trouble, problem with 'jailbait'.
Clive - very sweet and adores girls, but prefers to watch.
Craig - tries to fit in - he never does.
Dan - quiet but funny, but brain in his trousers
Daniel - enjoys root vegetables in every orifice, highly homosexual.
Darren - charming, but is fond of pissing in his parent's house.
Daryl - smells bad, has no real mates and likes computer games
David - hottie and works out a lot, loves girls named Florence. Can be gay!
Dave - extremely sexy, always funny, intelligent, stylish, trendsetter
Dean - full of himself and thinks with his dick.
Dennis - either very nice to girls or a faggot.
Derek - has a great sense of humour, and blow-up doll collection.
Dominic - hilarious and will do anything to please.
Don - dickhead.
Doug - has a drinking problem and thinks too much about his do-dah
Duncan - hopeless ski bum, brains shot away long ago.
Dylan - horny bastard, who can't sing.
Dwayne - cool guy to be around if you can handle his name.
Eddie - wants too many chicks he'll never get 'cos he's an arsehole.
Elliott - full of himself.
Eric - shy and odd fetishes
Frank - "different" - missing DNA - favours girls named Lucy.
Gareth - sweet but dresses too good to be straight.
Gary - drug addict but willing to share.
Gavin - likes bondage, S&M with other men.
Geoff - prefers golf to sex and war to peace.
George - barman who drinks more than he serves.
Glen - the sweetest guy - really down to earth.
Graham - will screw anything.
Grant - HORNY! But so sweet and you can talk to him about anything.
Greg - really sweet and feels sorry for himself.
Harry - covers his back.
Howard - likes small-breasted women and pornography.
Ian - really popular but knows all the girls want him... yeah right!
Ivor - militant psychopath with homosexual tendencies.
Jake - shy and sweet but a slut when drunk.
Jamie - tries too hard.
James - built like a horse but a bit stubborn.
Jay - very sweet when you get to know him well.
Jeff - really ugly.
Jerome - gay, but very unhappy.
Jeremy - loud and thinks that he's all that he says he is.
Jesse - unpopular and needs to move on.
Jack - stupid but hot, always alri ght.
Jim - sweet, has fantasies of love and affection.
Joe - built like a bear, sexy but tends to lose his head.
Joel - arse.
Jon - has no friends or life - tends to kill small animals.
Jolyon - absolute raving homosexual.
Jonathon - loud, sex mad and great with it - can be full of himself.
Jordan - sexy but weird in bed.
Jose - hot boy with a love of hermaphrodites.
Josh - full of himself, fun.
Justin - aggravating but loveable, insecure but successful.
Kevin - always attracts really fit girlfriends also has a large do-dah.
Keith - good person to talk to when you have a problem - his is worse.
Kenneth - very, very...anything you want him to be.
Larry - cute but wannabe player with big arse.
Laurie - short and funny looking.
Lee - girl dressed up as a boy, total arse bandit.
Lewis - lonely, sad git, bit of a tosser.
Lyndon - can always be found in bed or in the pub.
Liam - loud mouthed arsehole.
Luke - seems to be sweet. bit of a tosser though.
Malcolm - tall man who tends to lose his trousers.
Mark - wished girls liked him for who he is not his great looks, mouthy bastard.
Martin- a sensitive lad who will eventually see right from wrong.
Matt - the fat boy of the class likes sweets and is full of s**t.
Michael - very good looking but he'll do anything for a girl.
Mike - shag muffin.
Nathan - stupid as hell, and tends to make others feel dumb.
Nick - nice -
Neil - sweet and will do anything in this world for you, great in bed.
Oliver - likes men but is in denial.
Oscar - loser.
Owen - cute gay guy who is immature, and sings Welsh songs.
Patrick - drunk, drunk, drunk.
Paul - cool, calm and handsome, a quality only found in gays.
Peter - cutie but very shy, makes women feel like virgins.
Phillip - stupid idiot who wishes he were cool.
Rhys - great lover but a traitor from Wales.
Richard - can't see his feet as his balls are too big.
Rob - best things come in small packages.
Ron- loves to play around with the car, but losing his marbles.
Ross - an adrenalin junkie who loves a good blonde/screw (male or female)
Roy - total loser and computer genius.
Rupert - arrogant twit who is crap in bed but thinks he is a stud.
Russell - likes to play in the leaves, which makes him an arsehole.
Ryan - short but sexy body and even sexier mind.
Sam - wannabe sex machine.
Scott - has serious disabilities. Also takes it up the botty.
Seamus - wants girls with big breasts to smother him.
Sean - has small testicles and no friends.
Sebastian - a smug git who thinks he's a hit with the ladies. As if!
Shane - thinks everybody wants to shag him - he's a virgin.
Shaun - bit of a hard bastard, thinks women love him.
Simon - likes a night out with the lads and curries. Says he is the man but talks bollocks.
Spencer - loves it right up there, normally with a toilet roll and a hamster.
Steve - popular and funny & hung like a donkey.
Stuart - droll guy with great arse and suicidal tendencies but great in bed.
Ted - hairy, sensitive and great shag.
Tim - hot but a bit strange, can never tell where he is.
Toby - best blow ever.
Tom - cool but can be arrogant.
Tony - hot, sweet, and totally fun to be around.
Trevor - sweet and funny but sometimes untrustworthy.
Will - wishes he were popular.
WOMEN'S NAMES
Ada - blue haired, smells of wee.
Alison - bra and pants are the same garment, looks better with the light off.
Amanda - IQ tends to be smaller than bra size. Probably a good bonk though.
Amy - devious, likes being on top, never stays the night - Not to be trusted.
Amelia- demure, a little bit of a know it all.
Andrea - small breasts, drinks pints.
Angela - Vain, hairstyle more important than oxygen. Hangs around toilets.
Anita- doesn't wear knickers.
Ann- see Anne.
Anna- knows how to use her charm and powers of persuasion with men.
Annette - she's BIG.
Anne - looks like a horse, can't drive side.
Aoife - always up for shots in the bar and flashing her bra
Barbara - shags like a rabbit and likes her drink.
Becky - Likes a good bit of rump, has lots of friends.
Belinda - pleasing on the eye, usually has a couple of good points.
Beryl - repressed alcoholic.
Beverley - trapped in an eighties timewarp.
Bianca - ginger nutter.
Bridgette - eats pizzas all day, smokes cigars.
Britney - falsely improved, no use to society.
Camilla - English totty, replaces the word 'yes' with 'ya'.
Carina - looks like the back of a bus, doesn't swallow.
Carol - into everything you've only ever read about. Coin-operated.
Caroline - into threesomes. Likes doggy style. Always up for it.
Catherine - attracted to the older man, clothes need ironing.
Claire - perfect in every way and a complete sex goddess.
Celine - emits hideous noises, waste of DNA.
Charlotte - enjoys tea and cake, farts the national anthem.
Cheryl - can fit hand in mouth, eats glass.
Cherry - only eats orange smarties and goes to the cinema (alone) on thursdays
Christina - likes men in uniform, never warm.
Daisy - virgin.
Davina - drug induced mental damage, should shave her neck.
Dawn - gets up early, smells of chips.
Deborah - dribbles on the pillow and foul tongued.
DeeDee - cannot understand why no one else masturbates in Ikea.
Denise - sits on cat's eyes, not half as sweet as she would like to be.
Diane - enjoys company of animals. Deep as a puddle. Adds nothing to society.
Donna - 70's throw back, likes cabbage.
Dorothy - purple haired, stinks of wee.
Elaine - rides sidesaddle, drinks meths.
Elizabeth - born to perform, hates chickens.
Ellie - far too attractive for the swear words that come out of her mouth.
Emily - wears odd socks, can have lesbian tendencies.
Emma - gullible and easily swayed by a good looker
Estelle - likes wombles, eats grass.
Esther - plump with sagging breasts, normally heavily tattooed.
Faith - legs meet at knees, can't shag standing up.
Faye - wears wellies, can't swim.
Felicity - she'll stab you with her nipples, lays darts
Fiona - female mud wrestler.
Gabriella - classy name for a classy lady
Gemma - practically perfect in everyway. Loved by everyone. Good listener and friend.
Geraldine - too posh for her own good, likes flying.
Gill - farts a lot and drinks guiness.
Gina - eternal mother, eats nappies.
Glenda - eats children, hates smoking.
Georgina - wants to be a china doll.
Gloria- a model of perfection.
Gwyneth - blubs a lot, wees in the bath.
Hannah - needs to be naked at all times, eats kebabs.
Heather - shags like a freight train, a screamer.
Helen - loves sleeping and alcohol and is work shy.
Heidi - the hills are alive with the sound of music, likes gherkins.
Hilary - frigid bitch. Thinks money grows on trees.
Holly - prickly to the touch, seasonal shagmeister.
Imogen - drinks tequila from the bottle, wets the bed.
Ingrid - right wing Nazi tendencies, never smiles.
Jackie - heroin addict, sold her child.
Jane - an easy ride, large gob on her.
Janet- watch out for this one, the waterworks won't rub.
Janine - the most determined and persevering sweetie in the world.
Jasmine - smells of sewers, eats the heads off rats.
Jemima- daddy's girl from London.
Jennifer - huge breasts, should shave her legs more often.
Jessica - virgin, always will be.
Jo - very active, listens to the radio in her car a lot.
Joanne - moans in her sleep, cant cook, moans when she wakes up!
Jodie - absolutely perfect in every way, every group of friends should have one!
Judith - big eyes, big tits.
Judy - huge tits, married to an arse.
Julia - innocent face and a model of serenity.
Justine - massive tits, likes hanging around men's toilets.
Julie - Jabba the Hutt's sister, constantly pregnant.
Karen - huge tits, shags like a rabbit.
Katie - big feet, likes the sensation of acorns and grass.
Kate - can be quite a shrew and needs to be tamed by a gentleman
Kimberley- average girl from the local comp school with a loud mouth..
Lara - action packed, never seen naked.
Laura - likes Max power magazine, can't drive.
Lauren - pert breasts, seldom ventures out at night unless there is a bloke involved
Leah - likes outdoor sex, wees standing up.
Leslie - likes bondage, hates men.
Linda - likes fish and chips and knows more than she lets on
Lindsay - likes doggy style, doesn't do housework.
Lisa - will take all your money and run, gets turned on by porn.
Liz - intelligent and motherly
Lorraine - constantly whinges, will strip for a packet of jellybabies.
Louise - real babe, bright too, I'd drink her bath water.
Lucy - strange dancer, very sweet
Madeline - drives like a bloke, likes tractors.
Maggie - trainspotter, likes plaid.
Margaret - lovely mother, very generous and makes time for herself
Maria - bangs like a barn door.
Marie - life's slapper. Likes men to do DIY.
Marina - no get up and go, rusty underwear.
Marilyn - eats like a horse, out stays her welcome.
Martine - can't act, can't sing, nice tits.
Matilda - European, hairy armpits
Meg - an enchantress with a witchy streak who likes to seduce hairy men with her magical charms.
Melanie - can hold two bar vacuum orally indefinitely.
Melissa - such an poser
Meryl - dances like an ape, doesn't realise.
Michaela - likes animals, should make a video with them.
Michelle - wears white stilettos, dances round her handbag but is a good friend to Taurians
Miriam - goes down a lot, often gets sore throats.
Monica - doesn't swallow, should have.
Naomi - wannabe diva, more of a diver.
Nancy - white hair, remembers manners.
Natalie - eats with her mouth open, farts the Nokia phone tune.
Natasha - had seven kids before age 17, needs ironing.
Nell - hasn't realised WWII has ended, lives in Kent.
Nicola - slapper, alcoholic in denial.
Nina - stuffs her bra with tissues, been single for years.
Olga - you can park a bike in her arsecrack, excessive facial hair.
Olivia - neutron bomb.
Pamela - enjoys summer camp holidays on the grotty coast
Patricia - quite the lady, no one will ever realise her wisdom until she leaves the room.
Penelope - pit stop queen, likes men to be stiff.
Phillippa - very upper class but sweet
Priscilla - likes painting with oils, Duckhams mainly.
Rachel - amazing gravity defying breasts, can grip a tenner in her arsecheeks.
Rebecca - hairy armpits, orgasms without contact.
Rita - popular with all the guys but still searching for that special someone.
Rosie - can be prickly and fickle
Rula - she measures up well.
Sadie - stand up if you're slim, please stand up.
Sally - drives a Mustang, fights in pubs.
Samantha - loves her brother, has four deformed children.
Sandra - secretary who is after her boss.
Sarah - hangs around with the wrong crowd, Kinky in bed, loves porn.
Selina - doesn't wear pants, heavy laundry bills
Sharon - shags like a locomotive, yo-yo knickers.
Shirley - can swallow a Curly Whirly whole, likes bananas.
Sian - does mean sheep impression, hates mint sauce.
Simone - used to be a shot putter from Cardiff.
Sonya - dirty lady of the night. Often referred to as a carrier.
Sophie - brothel madam, wears a wrinkly corset.
Stacey - likes cut off jeans and arseless Speedo's.
Stephanie - wears dungarees and enjoys a laugh with the lads.
Sue - totally gorgeous!
Tanya - hot minx, too short.
Tara - upper class slapper, needs extra chemicals.
Tina - face like a smacked arse, should eat less.
Tori - lives in a hedge, can't water ski.
Tracy - easily swayed by alcohol. Mostly seen without underwear. Loves kittens.
Ursula - likes puppies, in curry.
Vicky- likes Yoga and Men.
Wendy - possibly a man.
Zoë - talentless rock chick from up north.