A selection of the funnier ones from a long list which just landed in my inbox:
A blind bloke walks into a shop with a guide dog. He picks the dog up and starts swinging it around his head. Alarmed, a shop assistant calls out: 'Can I help, sir?' 'No thanks,' says the blind bloke. 'Just looking.'
A policeman stopped me the other night, he taps on the window of the car and says: 'Would you please blow into this bag, Sir'. I said: 'What for, Officer?' He says: 'My chips are too hot'.
Sometimes I drink my whiskey neat. Other times I take my tie off and leave my shirt out.
I went to Millets and said 'I want to buy a tent.' He said 'To camp?', I said (butchly) 'Sorry, I want to buy a tent.' I said 'I also want to buy a caravan.' He said 'Camper?' I said (campily) 'Make your mind up.'
Guy goes into the doctor's. 'Doc, I've got a cricket ball stuck up my backside.' 'How's that?' 'Don't you start'
In a Tommy Cooper stylee (11/6/04)
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Thrash Harry
- Utterly Bastard Filthy
- Posts: 1577
- Joined: 13 May 2003, 20:56
- Location: Over The Hill And Far Away
- Contact:
Go to sleep now, Francis.
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James Blast
- Banned
- Posts: 24699
- Joined: 11 Jun 2003, 18:58
- Location: back from some place else
I walked into a bar the other day, I went "OOof!" It was an iron bar.
"And when you start to think about death, you start to think about what's after it. And then you start hoping there is a God. For me, it's a frightening thought to go nowhere".
~ Peter Steele
~ Peter Steele
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Thrash Harry
- Utterly Bastard Filthy
- Posts: 1577
- Joined: 13 May 2003, 20:56
- Location: Over The Hill And Far Away
- Contact:
I walked into a bar the other day, I went "Fooo!". It was an irony bar.
Go to sleep now, Francis.
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James Blast
- Banned
- Posts: 24699
- Joined: 11 Jun 2003, 18:58
- Location: back from some place else
My dog's got no nose...
"And when you start to think about death, you start to think about what's after it. And then you start hoping there is a God. For me, it's a frightening thought to go nowhere".
~ Peter Steele
~ Peter Steele
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Thrash Harry
- Utterly Bastard Filthy
- Posts: 1577
- Joined: 13 May 2003, 20:56
- Location: Over The Hill And Far Away
- Contact:
God knows. 
Go to sleep now, Francis.
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James Blast
- Banned
- Posts: 24699
- Joined: 11 Jun 2003, 18:58
- Location: back from some place else
God ain't in my kitchen
"And when you start to think about death, you start to think about what's after it. And then you start hoping there is a God. For me, it's a frightening thought to go nowhere".
~ Peter Steele
~ Peter Steele