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OH MY GOTH

Posted: 04 Aug 2004, 12:27
by Mrs RicheyJames
This was shameless stolen from a friend of a friend on Livejournal and is totally for real.................

If Your Child is a Gothic, Reform Through the Lord!

Listed below are some warning signs to indicate if your child may
have
gone astray from the Lord.

GOTHIC (or GOTH) is a very obscure and often dangerous culture that
young teenagers are prone to participating in. The gothic culture
leads
young, susceptible minds into an imagined world of evil, darkness,
and
violence. Please seek immediate attention through counselling,
prayer,
and parental guidance to rid your child of Satan's temptations if FIVE
or more of the following are applicable to your child:

1-Frequently wears black clothing.

2-Wears band and/or rock t-shirts.

3-Wears excessive black eye makeup, lipstick or nailpolish.

4-Wears any odd, silver jewelry or symbols. Some of these include:
reversed crosses, pentagrams, pentacles, ankhs or various other
Satanic
worshipping symbols.

5-Shows an interest in piercings or tattoos.

6-Listens to gothic or any other anti-social genres of music. (Marilyn
Manson claims to be the anti-Christ, and publicly speaks against the
Lord. Please discard any such albums IMMEDIATELY.)

7-Associates with other people that dress, act or speak eccentrically.

8-Shows a declining interest in wholesome activities, such as: the
Bible,
prayer, church or sports.

9-Shows an increasing interest in death, vampires, magic, the occult,
witchcraft or anything else that involves Satan.

10-Takes drugs.

11-Drinks alcohol.

12-Is suicidal and/or depressed.

13-Cuts, burns or partakes in any other method of self-mutilation.
(This
is a Satanic ritual that uses pain to detract from the light of God
and
His love. Please seek immediate attention for this at your local
mental
health center.)

14-Complains of boredom.

15-Sleeps too excessively or too little.

16-Is excessively awake during the night.

17-Dislikes sunlight or any other form of light. (This pertains to
vampires promoting the idea that His light is of no use.)

18-Demands an unusual amount of privacy.

19-Spends large amounts of time alone.

20-Requests time alone and quietness. (This is so that your chid may
speak
to evil sprits through meditation.)

21-Insists on spending time with friends while unaccompanied by an
adult.

22-Disregards authority figures; teachers, priests, nuns and elders are
but a few examples of this.

23-Misbehaves at school.

24-Misbehaves at home.

25-Eats excessively or too little.

26-Eats goth-related foods. Count Dracula cereal is an example of this.

27-Drinks blood or expresses an interest in drinking blood. (Vampires
believe this is how to attain Satan. This act is very dangerous and
should be stopped immediately.)

28-Watches cable television or any other corrupted media sources. (Ask
your local church for proper programs that your child may watch.)

29-Plays videos games that contains violence or role-playing nature.

30-Uses the internet excessively and frequently makes time for the
computer.

-Makes Satanic symbols and/or violently shakes head to music.

31-Dances to music in a provocative or sexual manner.

32-Expresses an interest in sex.

33-Masturbates

34-Is homosexual and/or bisexual.

35-Pursues dangerous cult religions. Such include: Satanism,
Scientology,
Philosophy, Paganism, Wicca, Hinduism and Buddhism.

36-Wears pins, stickers or anything else that contains these various
phrases: "I'm so gothic, I'm dead", "woe is me", "I'm a goth".

37-Claims to be a goth.

If five or more of these apply to your child, please intervene
immediately. The gothic culture is dangerous and Satan thrives within
it. If any of these problems persist, enlist your child into your
local
mental health center.



:lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol:

Posted: 04 Aug 2004, 12:35
by ryan
well thats everyone i know then.. better start forming an angry mob

Posted: 04 Aug 2004, 12:56
by Quiff Boy
33 :lol:

Posted: 04 Aug 2004, 13:15
by Francis
Oh no! My son is doomed. What will the neighbours think?

Posted: 04 Aug 2004, 13:20
by andymackem
I don't score very highly here, and I'd argue everyone on Earth would tick five boxes, if they were honest.

So it's nice to know we're all damned.

This is why I don't have a diminishing interest in the church, though. They always manage to prick my curiosity with something really stupid.

And WTF are goth-related foods?

Posted: 04 Aug 2004, 13:24
by markfiend
Christians p*ss me off.

Posted: 04 Aug 2004, 13:29
by sisxbeforedawn
:lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol:

6-Listens to gothic or any other anti-social genres of music. (Marilyn
Manson claims to be the anti-Christ, and publicly speaks against the
Lord. Please discard any such albums IMMEDIATELY.)

now I agree with burning all MM cd's :D :lol:

Posted: 04 Aug 2004, 13:29
by Francis
andymackem wrote:And WTF are goth-related foods?
Count Draclua cereal apparently. Someone please tell me this is a joke.

Posted: 04 Aug 2004, 13:45
by straylight
Ooh, reading this I realise I am all young and dangerous and not an average person at all....I want to be alone to commune with Satan, not just because I can't stand all that yap yap yap...

I can tick all but about four of these boxes and I'm not even a goth.

Cheered me up no end. :)

Posted: 04 Aug 2004, 14:32
by Karst
Image

:cool:

Posted: 04 Aug 2004, 15:41
by Mrs RicheyJames
Karst wrote:Image

:cool:

:notworthy: :notworthy: :notworthy: :notworthy: :notworthy:

I want some :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol:

Posted: 04 Aug 2004, 16:28
by James Blast
can I take no. 11?
why did the one between 30 and 31 not have a number?

Posted: 04 Aug 2004, 16:34
by markfiend
James Blast wrote:why did the one between 30 and 31 not have a number?
Call it thirty-and-a-half?

Posted: 04 Aug 2004, 16:38
by James Blast
30.5 The Number Of The Beastie

Posted: 04 Aug 2004, 16:42
by markfiend
Is that like 668 the Neighbour of the Beast?*

Or 333 the Number of the Demi-beast?

One could go on forever...

*The projected title for the unwritten sequel to Pratchett & Gaiman's Good Omens BTW

Posted: 04 Aug 2004, 18:07
by andymackem
Count Chocula is all well and good, but it's not really goth, is it? Unless this is a strange kind of vampire which is seen sucking the juices from a melted Dairy Milk.

On the other hand ... Easter eggs are chocolate, Easter is about the death of Christ, thus chocolate is about murdering the son of God! Hurrah!

And Mars, a major chocolate manufacturer, is named after a pagan god of violence and bloodshed.

Not sure how the Quakers (Cadburys, Rowntrees) fit this theory yet, but I think I'm on to something here, lads and lasses!

Posted: 04 Aug 2004, 18:11
by andymackem
And another thing!

The leading Russian chocolate manufacturer is called "Red October" (Krasny Oktabrye), in obvious commemoration of the atheistic Bolshevik revolution.

More evidence.

Next week, why the Easter Bunny is a tacit endorsement of ritualised sexual malpractice.

Posted: 04 Aug 2004, 18:22
by James Blast
I think you've finally flipped Mr. mackem

Posted: 04 Aug 2004, 20:53
by Andie
jeeeeesus...


i'm sooo doomed...there's only 3 of them that i don't/haven't done/do...*34, 35, 36 for those who need to know*


just as well that my kiddiewinkles have turned out totally normal then isn't it?!?... :cry:


damn churches and those christians...always spoil everything... :roll:

Posted: 04 Aug 2004, 21:26
by James Blast
define normal Burn?

a Christian

Posted: 04 Aug 2004, 21:33
by Andie
James Blast wrote:define normal Burn?

a Christian

no James...god forbid!


the oldest one is a townie (likes chart music and wears a belt for a skirt) the youngest is a skate punk and an Army Cadet...


where did i go wrong?? :urff:

Posted: 04 Aug 2004, 23:05
by James Blast
@ Burn now I know why I never spawned

Posted: 05 Aug 2004, 08:45
by Francis
Burn wrote:the oldest one is a townie (likes chart music and wears a belt for a skirt) the youngest is a skate punk and an Army Cadet...


where did i go wrong?? :urff:
Sounds very familiar, only mine are lads. I console myself with the thought that kids shouldn't turn out the way their parents want them to. It shows they've got character.

Posted: 05 Aug 2004, 12:08
by andymackem
James Blast wrote:I think you've finally flipped Mr. mackem
It's the heat. My chocolate is melting. And its talking to the voices in my head.

:twisted: :twisted: :twisted:

Posted: 05 Aug 2004, 21:17
by Quiff Boy
it gets better:

Image

wtf? :lol: :lol: :notworthy: