10/09/2004 Scarey Darey

[sisxbeforedawn]

Late last Saturday night; a young chap was walking home from  the
>pub.
> > > > > It was a cold, wet, windy evening, and he was  tired and
freezing.
> > > > > Most of the streetlights in the area  were broken, and the
silence
> > > > > was only broken by the  occasional sound of a stray cat
sifting
> > > > > through a  dustbin. Then suddenly he heard a strange
noise.......
> > > >  >
> > > > >               BUMP........
> > > > >
> > > > >
> > > >  >
> > > > >
> > > > >
> > > > >   BUMP........
> > > >  >
> > > > >
> > > > >
> > > >  >
> > > > >
> > > > >
> > > > >   BUMP........
> > > >  >
> > > > >
> > > > >
> > > > >  Startled by this, he turned, and to his amazement, through
the
> > > >  > driving rain, he saw the faint outline of a large box turning

>into
> >  > > > his road.
> > > > >
> > > > >
> >  > > >
> > > > >
> > > > >       BUMP........
> > > > >
> > >  > >
> > > > >
> > > > >
> > > >  >
> > > > >
> > > > >
> > > >  >
> > > > >
> > > > >
> > > > >   BUMP........
> > > >  >
> > > > >
> > > > >
> > > >  >
> > > > >
> > > > >
> > > >  >
> > > > >
> > > > >
> > > > >   BUMP........
> > > >  >
> > > > >
> > > > >
> > > >  >
> > > > >
> > > > >
> > > > > He  froze to the spot, he couldn't believe his eyes, as the
box
> > > >  > approached from the shadows, he was able to make out its
shape
> > >  > > more clearly....It was a coffin.
> > > > > Not wanting  anything to do with this, he put his head down
and
> > > > >  started walking briskly home.
> > > > >
> > > >  >
> > > > >
> > > > >
> > > >  >
> > > > >
> > > > >
> > > >  >
> > > > >
> > > > >
> > > >  >
> > > > >
> > > > >         BUMP........
> > > > >
> > > >  >
> > > > >
> > > > >
> > > >  >
> > > > >
> > > > >
> > > >  >
> > > > >
> > > > >
> > > >  >
> > > > >               BUMP........
> > > > >
> > > > >
> > > >  >
> > > > >
> > > > >
> > > >  >
> > > > >
> > > > >
> > > >  >
> > > > >
> > > > >
> > > > >   BUMP........
> > > >  >
> > > > >
> > > > >
> > > >  >
> > > > >
> > > > >
> > > >  >
> > > > >
> > > > >
> > > > > He  could feel the coffin gaining on him, he started walking
> > > > >  faster.........
> > > > >
> > > > >
> > > >  >
> > > > >
> > > > >
> > > >  >
> > > > >
> > > > >
> > > >  >
> > > > >
> > > > >
> > > >  >
> > > > >               BUMP........BUMP.......
> > > > >
> > > > >
> >  > > >
> > > > >
> > > > >
> > > >  >
> > > > >
> > > > >
> > > >  >
> > > > >
> > > > >
> > > >  >
> > > > >
> > > > >         BUMP........BUMP.......
> > > > >
> > >  > >
> > > > >
> > > > >
> > > >  >
> > > > >
> > > > >
> > > >  >
> > > > >
> > > > >
> > > >  >
> > > > >
> > > > >         BUMP........BUMP........
> > > > >
> >  > > >
> > > > >
> > > > >
> > > >  >
> > > > >
> > > > >
> > > >  >
> > > > >
> > > > >
> > > > > The  coffin was closing with his every step, he started to
jog,
> > > >  > but he heard the coffin speed up after him......
> > > >  >
> > > > >
> > > > >
> > > >  >
> > > > >
> > > > >
> > > >  >
> > > > >
> > > > >
> > > >  >
> > > > >
> > > > >         BUMP........BUMP...BUMP...
> > > > >
> >  > > >
> > > > >
> > > > >
> > > >  >
> > > > >
> > > > >
> > > >  >
> > > > >
> > > > >
> > > > >   BUMP........BUMP...BUMP...
> >  > > >
> > > > >
> > > > >
> > > >  >
> > > > >
> > > > >
> > > >  >
> > > > >
> > > > >
> > > >  >
> > > > >
> > > > >         BUMP........BUMP...BUMP...
> > > > >
> >  > > >
> > > > >
> > > > >
> > > >  >
> > > > >
> > > > >
> > > >  >
> > > > >
> > > > >
> > > > > He  started to sprint, but so did the coffin .......
> > > > >
> >  > > >
> > > > >
> > > > >
> > > >  >
> > > > >
> > > > >
> > > >  >
> > > > >
> > > > >
> > > > >   BUMP...BUMP...BUMP...BUMP.....
> >  > > >
> > > > >
> > > > >
> > > >  >
> > > > >
> > > > >
> > > >  >
> > > > >
> > > > >
> > > > >   BUMP...BUMP...BUMP...BUMP.....
> >  > > >
> > > > >
> > > > >
> > > >  >
> > > > >
> > > > >
> > > >  >
> > > > >
> > > > >
> > > >  >
> > > > >             BUMP...BUMP...BUMP...BUMP.....
> > > > >
> > >  > >
> > > > >
> > > > >
> > > >  >
> > > > >
> > > > >
> > > >  >
> > > > >
> > > > >
> > > > >  Eventually he made it to his front door, but he knew the
> > > > >  coffin was only seconds behind. Fumbling around in his
pocket, he
> >  pulled
> > > > > out his keys,
> > > > > His hand  trembling, he managed to open the lock, he dived
> > > > > inside  slamming the front door behind him. He shot into his
front
> > room,
> >  > > > and
> > > > > slumped into his comfy chair.
> >  > > > Suddenly there was a loud crash, as the coffin smashed its
way
> > > > > through the front door. The force of the impact broke  the
lock
> > > > > off the coffin allowing the lid to swing freely  on its rusty
>hinges
>as
> > > > > it continued its  chase.....
> > > > >
> > > > >
> > > >  >
> > > > >
> > > > >
> > > >  >
> > > > >
> > > > >
> > > >  >
> > > > >               BUMP...SCREECH...BUMP...SCREECH...
> > > > >
> > > >  >
> > > > >
> > > > >
> > > >  >
> > > > >
> > > > >
> > > >  >
> > > > >
> > > > >
> > > > >    BUMP...SCREECH...BUMP...SCREECH...
> > > > >
> > > >  >
> > > > >
> > > > >
> > > >  >
> > > > >
> > > > >
> > > >  >
> > > > >
> > > > >         BUMP...SCREECH...BUMP...SCREECH...
> > > >  >
> > > > >
> > > > >
> > > >  >
> > > > >
> > > > >
> > > >  >
> > > > >
> > > > >
> > > >  >
> > > > >               BUMP...SCREECH...BUMP...SCREECH...
> > > > >
> > > >  >
> > > > >
> > > > >
> > > >  >
> > > > >
> > > > >
> > > > > In  horror the young lad fled again, as fast as his shaking
> > > > >  legs could  take him he bolted upstairs to the bathroom and
>locked
>the
> > > > > door........
> > > > >
> >  > > >
> > > > >
> > > > >
> > > >  >
> > > > >
> > > > >
> > > >  >
> > > > >
> > > > >
> > > >  >
> > > > >               BUMP...SCREECH...HOP...BUMP...SCREECH...HOP...
> > > > >
> >  > > >
> > > > >
> > > > >
> > > >  >
> > > > >
> > > > >
> > > >  >
> > > > >               BUMP...SCREECH...HOP...BUMP...SCREECH...HOP...
> > > > >
> >  > > >
> > > > >
> > > > >
> > > >  >
> > > > >
> > > > >
> > > >  >
> > > > >
> > > > >         BUMP...SCREECH...HOP...BUMP...SCREECH...HOP...
> > >  > >
> > > > >
> > > > >
> > > >  >
> > > > >
> > > > >
> > > > > The  coffin again gave chase up the stairs, across the landing
> > > > >  and launched itself at the bathroom door. With an almighty
smash,
> > >  > > the bathroom door flew off its hinges.....
> > > > > The  coffin stood in the doorway, then started to approach the
> > > > >  young terrified lad.
> > > > >
> > > > >
> > >  > >
> > > > >
> > > > >
> > > >  >
> > > > >
> > > > >
> > > > >    BUMP...SCREECH...BUMP...SCREECH...
> > > > >
> > > >  >
> > > > >
> > > > >
> > > >  >
> > > > >
> > > > >
> > > >  >
> > > > >
> > > > >
> > > >  >
> > > > >               BUMP...SCREECH...BUMP...SCREECH...
> > > > >
> > > >  >
> > > > >
> > > > >
> > > >  >
> > > > >
> > > > >
> > > >  >
> > > > >
> > > > >         BUMP...SCREECH...BUMP...SCREECH...
> > > >  >
> > > > >
> > > > >
> > > >  >
> > > > >
> > > > >
> > > > > In a  last ditch attempt to save his skin, he reached for his
> > > > >  bathroom cabinet......
> > > > > He grabbed a bar of Imperial  Leather soap and threw it at the
> > > > > coffin.......still it  came ........
> > > > >
> > > > >
> > > >  >
> > > > >
> > > > >
> > > >  >
> > > > >
> > > > >
> > > >  >
> > > > >
> > > > >         BUMP...SCREECH...BUMP...SCREECH...
> > > >  >
> > > > >
> > > > >
> > > >  >
> > > > >
> > > > >
> > > >  >
> > > > >
> > > > > He grabbed his can of Lynx  deodorant and threw it
> > > > > ........still it  came......
> > > > >
> > > > >
> > > >  >
> > > > >
> > > > >
> > > >  >
> > > > >
> > > > >
> > > >  >
> > > > >
> > > > >
> > > >  >
> > > > >               BUMP...SCREECH...BUMP...SCREECH...
> > > > >
> > > >  >
> > > > >
> > > > >
> > > >  >
> > > > >
> > > > >
> > > >  >
> > > > >
> > > > > He grabbed his first aid kit  and threw it ......still it
>came......
> > > > >
> > > >  >
> > > > >
> > > > >
> > > >  >
> > > > >
> > > > >
> > > >  >
> > > > >
> > > > >
> > > > >    BUMP...SCREECH...BUMP...SCREECH...
> > > > >
> > > >  >
> > > > >
> > > > >
> > > >  >
> > > > >
> > > > >
> > > >  >
> > > > >
> > > > >
> > > >  >
> > > > > He grabbed some Benelyn cough mixture and threw  it........
> > > > >
> > > > >
> > > >  >
> > > > >
> > > > >
> > > >  >
> > > > >
> > > > >
> > > >  >
> > > > >
> > > > >
> > > >  >
> > > > >
> > > > >
> > > >  >
> > > > >              The  coffin stopped.
>

[markfiend]

You bastard. Coffee all over the feckin monitor now.

[andymackem]

And people say my puns are bad.

[James Blast]

I will find where you live and pay you a visit!

[sisxbeforedawn]

I will find where you live and pay you a visit!

me or Andym you wanna visit me, no problems just bring some weeds and I'll supply the beer, you like scrumpy

[smiscandlon]

Funny.

But reminds me of the awful, and regrettably regular, puns in my office (and possibly many others in Scotland) based on the fact that "week off" sounds like "wee cough"...

[Andy TG]

Arf! - Took A While - But worth it in the end!

[Dave R]

very, very reminiscent of buffet The Vampire Slayer....

cough.....

[randdebiel²]

[Trudi_Foxxx]

Hahahah hahahaha!

That's superb.